French restaurants: Ordering without looking like a dolt

Forums: Food And Drink, Restaurants, French Restaurants, Ordering In French Restaurants
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I can not speak french, I know next to nothing about French cuisine...hell, I don't even know how to pronounce "frites."

I'm not planning on going to any fancy french restaurant anytime soon, but there is one not fifty yards from my front door, and I was wondering, if I did go there someday with actual human beings that have taste and or class, how could I possibly pull that off?

So does anyone have any tips on how to handle oneself in a French restaurant? What should one know before one goes?

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Admitt to knowing nothing right off the bat....? It's freets.

I could teach you how to order in french.

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Really? That would be cool.

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Of course I would admit to knowing nothing, but you still look like a dolt if you're with someone who knows their stuff.

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You only need to know a couple phrases to order, but if the waiter starts talking back to you, you'd be screwed.

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Re: French restaurants: Ordering without looking like a dolt

kickycan wrote:

I can not speak french, I know next to nothing about French cuisine . . . What should one know before one goes?

A crucial and helpful bit of knowledge is that in America, nine out of ten waiters/waitresses in French restaurants are not native speakers of French, butcher the language appallingly, and have the insufferable habit of correcting the pronunciation of their guests, even those who are native speakers. I have an advantage--when confronted by such twits, i simply stop speaking English, speak to them only in French, and correct their pronunciation. They usually hang out the white flag pretty quickly.

(Nota Bene: I am not a native speaker of French, i am just insufferably arrogant, and more fluent in the language than the staff of most French restaurants in this country.)

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Same as in italian restaurants where a waitress corrected my correct pronounciation of bruschetta.

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Sorry, Boss, that was really unhelpful.

If anyone gives you a hard way to go, or looks down their nose at you for your lack of expertise in a French restaurant, ask them if they order in Italian at an Italian restaurant, if they order in Cantonese in a Chinese restaurant. There is no need to feel badly because you don't speak the language, the ability to speak French won't improve the food if it is badly prepared, and the inability to speak French will not lessen your appreciation of a well-prepared meal.

Why anyone thinks its reasonable to have a different standard for French restaurants is beyond me.

I do enjoy embarrassing the twits when i am confronted by that behavior, though.

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So I guess the best thing to do for a non-french speaker would be to just learn the basics of french pronunciation, speak in english, and just pronounce the dishes that I'm ordering correctly. That could work, right? That way I don't get into any trouble by pretending I know something I don't, but I don't look like too much of a buffoon because I can at least pronounce the dishes correctly.

Have you ever heard someone who can't pronounce things in an italian restaurant ask for gnocci? "Can I have the ganockies, please?" That sounds so dumb to me. That's the kind of thing I would want to avoid.

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littlek wrote:

Same as in italian restaurants where a waitress corrected my correct pronounciation of bruschetta.

He he...how did she pronounce it?

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Kick, get a copy of the menu. I'll write out some phonetic pronunciations for you . . . you can trust me . . . no, no, really, you can . . .

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Why do you think you have to order anything in French? It's America...wait staff speak English in every restaurant I've been in, and I've been to plenty. I think you'll look like a bigger dolt by attempting to speak a language you can't speak. If you can't pronounce a word on the menu, who cares?

However, one tip: while masturbating at the table, cover your junk with the napkin, some people may not want to see the monster.

Littlek, isn't bruschetta pronounced like "broo-shet-ah?"

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Setanta wrote:

Sorry, Boss, that was really unhelpful.

No it wasn't, but it was entertaining, which is just as good.

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Of course, you'd never get the "r" right, but that's not uncommon, it's how you can spot the poseur every time . . .

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Setanta wrote:

Kick, get a copy of the menu. I'll write out some phonetic pronunciations for you . . . you can trust me . . . no, no, really, you can . . .

That would be cool. Thanks! Okay, when and if I decide to go, I'll let you know. Or maybe for fun I'll get an online menu and put some of it in this thread later, or tomorrow.

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I didn't even read the responses before I posted, like usual. You don't want to mispronounce everything on the menu...I hear you. I'm sure you're smart enough to at least get it somewhat right.

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

Why do you think you have to order anything in French? It's America...wait staff speak English in every restaurant I've been in, and I've been to plenty. I think you'll look like a bigger dolt by attempting to speak a language you can't speak. If you can't pronounce a word on the menu, who cares?

However, one tip: while masturbating at the table, cover your junk with the napkin, some people may not want to see the monster.

Littlek, isn't bruschetta pronounced like "broo-shet-ah?"

Of course you are right, but New York is pretty pretentious. I feel like I have to at least know a little bit, just so I don't look bumpkin-like. Not a big deal though.

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I took a lady friend (one last fling sort of thing) to a snobby French place she wanted to eat at, and i order the scallops . . . coquilles St. Jacques . . . so i said: "I'll have the coquilles St. Jacques (ko-key-(eh) san zhahk) . . . " and the waiter interrupted to correct my pronunciation.

"Ah, je vois . . . vous avez d'autres coquillages, Monsieur? Je n'ai pas à vous gêner de mes gaucheries . . . "

"Uhm . . . yeah . . . sorry about that . . . what will the lady have?"

The rest of the evening was quite enjoyable . . .

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We've got some pretty pretentious places here, but it's usually the customers that are pretentious, nice restaurants I've been to usually have good servers.

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the wrong pronounciation is broosheta, the right version is broosketa. Kicky, you forgot the h in gnocchi.

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French restaurants: Ordering without looking like a dolt

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