New Job: Women's Shelter Advocate!

BK

Hugs to you for your compassion! Your job must be so very rewarding and as difficult as it must be sometimes, you must feel so good inside to know you are helping these women who are in such desperate need.
If I were one of these women, I would be so happy to have you to lean on and to guide me through.
I'm so proud of you and I congratulate you :-D

You're such a sweetheart :-D

How wonderful, BK!

I saw an opening for the same thing for a local shelter. I thought about applying. Wondered if I would have the strength emotionally or if I would be able to refrain from kicking some butt! Not sure about that! Never been a physical person, but this kinda thing really infuriates me.

I'm sure you will find the position challenging and worthwhile.

Keep us informed as to how you are doing.

So is this the thread where I post my favorite battered women jokes?

Oops, probably not. Congrats on the new job!

Congratulations...and hold your dominion.

That's wonderful, BK. I have never had that exact position but as the director of my center did a whole lot of that kind of thing, just because someone needed to do it for my clients and nobody else was. It's very, very tough. Do feel free to vent as much as you'd like. My husband got many, many earsful during those years. It's horribly draining, and tremendously rewarding.

Thank you for taking on such an important responsibility.

See, it's the very people who gave me the needed courage in the first place, who replied to my post! Really, you all have helped me a great deal, just by "listening." I hope to pass that listening on to these women.

Before I started posting on A2K, I do not think I would have been brave enough to take this job.

In theory, this job is 24 hours per week, in 2 12-hour shifts. In reality, one can work 40+ hours weekly. Personally, I'm not inclined to work extra hours, given I'd rather get benefits if I work full-time, not to mention I think those 2 shifts will be Plenty for one week.

I've been "talking" with Brooklyn via e-mail, seeing as my taking this job is partly due to my deep respect and admiration for her. She is a Saint. I really need someone to talk to this first week, and she is there for me!

Montana, I wonder if there will be moments while I'm at work and will wish these women would all just turn into Lobsters, so I could wear my rubber boots and hack their tails off, or something like that...

Slappy, I promise I'll never tell anyone that you're really just a kind, caring person, oops, I mean... I mean you're a tough, macho, huge-penised, um, King of the Universe...

Thank you, everyone. I love you guys.

I bet you will do real well with this, boriskitten.

BK
If you turn them into lobsters and hack them, send them over here when you're done and I'll deshell them and can then for ya ;-)

You have been there for me in times that I needed encouragement along with so many other caring A2Kers and it feels good to spread the love, doesn't it? :-D

This gal loves ya right back.

I'm pleased to hear about this, BorisKitten, you will do well. There will probably be tough and frustrating situations but you will hold your dominion, as Noddy would say, I just know it - and you will be a real help to people.

I'm glad you are sharing this with everyone.

You are doing so awesome at this. What a gift for the shelter, you are!

Aw, you all are so kind, I'm going to start babbling emotionally, and we don't want that, do we?

This is SUCH a different sort of job for me that I'm still sort of in shock.

I have my second weekend coming up and still feel nervous, but more confident than last week. I usually do well in a crisis, should it come to that at work, so I know I'll handle things OK, but it's worrying about it in advance that's difficult.

Seems like that's always the way, isn't it? I always worrry more than is "necessary".... I'm looking forward to feeling more confident each week. And what a thrill for me, to help women in need! Gosh I love that!

BorisKitten--

Worry is a way of rehearsing--never worry about rehearsing.

Sorry it's taken me so long to find this thread!

What wonderful news!

God bless you for taking this step. It's a harder job than most of us can imagine, but it's so needed. You're gonna be great at this, BorisKitten. I just know it.

(((((BIG HUGS!)))))

And a {smooch}, too!

Speaking of a hard job... The shelter was trying to hire 2 people at once, me and one other woman. That woman backed out at the last minute. Then they hired another woman, and she had a last-minute life emergency and also backed out.

I don't know if they saw the seven children (all 9 or younger) in the shelter right now and ran away screaming, or what.

So it's not a job for everyone! And I couldn't do it 40 hours a week. Most of the shelter employees are part-time, working 2 shifts a week, and I think that's smart. Burn-out would be a real problem for full-time employees.

One thing that's kind of bothered me about shelter policy is now solved... other employees have been telling me "these are just homeless women" (many with children in tow) looking for a place to sleep. Apparently they go from county to county, claiming to have been abused when they are "really just homeless." From my reading, many homeless women, esp. with children in tow, were abused, and that's how they became homeless.

On my very first hotline call, my boss (the Shelter Manager) had me refuse shelter to a 40-year-old woman with her 15- and 17-year-old daughters in tow, who had slept in her truck with her daughters for 2 nights in a row. She was afraid to go home! But she was refused shelter because her husband had not been violent (YET).

When the Executive Director found out this trio was refused shelter, she changed policy to take such cases in for 1-3 days, instead of the usual 6 weeks, to figure out how we can help them. I was glad! I did not feel right sending this woman elsewhere.

So far I've seen a woman with her arm broken by her boyfriend; an infant sexually abused by her father at less than 6 months old; and a woman with 3 young children who ran from her emotionally abusive husband to stay with her brother, who then beat her into a hospital stay. This was my first week, and this is a rural area! Isn't that frightening?

And a note about the infant, who's staying in the shelter now.... she's a little girl, still less than a year. She smiles at every person she sees, and holds up her arms to be picked up. She adores being carried around.

I've never seen a more good-natured, affectionate baby. She only cries when she's given a bath, at which time she screams uncontrollably. It's easy to figure out what dad did to her.

Enough to break your heart, isn't it?

I can only wish you well. It is such an important job. I'm sorry but I couldn't do it - I'm just glad we have people with the courage to do it.

Hard to imagine a human being could do that to a child. And his own child at that.

You are certainly getting "broke" in, right off the bat. It can drain every ounce of your strength - but remember what I told you about taking care of you "first?" Don't ever forget that. ((((( BORIS ))))

Hey, Boris? Do you know if your state is following HUD's orders to release the info to them about who is staying at your shelter? So far, we are in defiance of it. I think we have until September to be compliant or lose our funds. Last fall HUD made a few changes in how DV shelters are to respond to the new law coming into being this year. But, it still sucks.

From my experience, abusers come in all shapes and sizes and all job occupations. Any good hacker can break into HUD's database and find out where his victim is staying. Law enforcement workers will have easy access to it ....and some of them are abusers too. If something does not change before this law comes into effect - no one will be safe in shelters.

Anyhow from what I understand ..... they did change parts of the wording of this bill. DV shelters are allowed to encrypt their info and I don't think they have to provide Social Security numbers. Woopty-Do. They still have to log the victim's date of birth - any disabilities they have and the info on their children. Enough info to put them at risk and make them trackable. Arrrrggggghhhh!!!!!

Anyways....... I hope you have Sunday off. If you did decide to work it, I hope it's a somewhat quiet day for you.

Let me know how it goes.

Wow, my boss had never heard about the new HUD rules! She printed out some information from the internet & posted it for all the Advocates to read. Thank you, Brooklyn!

I worked an extra shift this past Wednesday, and spent all day driving around a woman with a really bad prescription drug addiction. She spent the whole time whining about how we weren't doing enough for her.... never mind the free room, food, clothing, and transportation.

After several hours with her I wanted to just push her out of the vehicle! She got into the shelter because she lied about being a victim of domestic violence.

We eventually took her to a distant hospital (the local hospital refused to even take her into their emergency room) where she could get help with her (very severe) withdrawal symptoms. After 2 free nights in a local hotel (after the hospital) I'd guess she's back on the street by now, racing towards her own death.

That was a really hard shift. I was just drained the next day.

I worked this Sat & Sun as well, and it went rather well, with all the women in the shelter being relatively hard workers, trying to find jobs & housing & really working their programs.

It's so fun to play with the kids! I never had children, and I just love being a sort of "Aunt"! I had a lot of fun playing with a little girl & her Barbies, and helping a 1-year-old learn to walk.

It's funny, many Advocates just stay in the shelter office all day & don't interact with the residents at all. Not only is this not-so-great for the residents, we document each bit of talk with residents or play with children, and all of those interactions count as "units of service" which help us get more funding. So playing with Barbies (half of them naked, some with no heads or arms) is an important part of my job!

For me, having spent almost 20 years in the computer field, this hardly seems like a job at all.

Next week I'll be going to a class to become a Certified Advocate (given by the State). I'll spend 3 days in a hotel with free food etc., and I think I'll feel a lot more confident having that under my belt.

I guess, in short, IT'S GOING GREAT! Thanks to all my A2K friends, who gave me the confidence to apply for this job in the first place. Thank you thank you thank you!

{{{{BK}}}}}

I just found this thread and wanted to join in with the congrats for making the shift to this line of work.

You're doing a great thing for these women and I'm sure it will take a lot out of you as well as bring you great rewards. Be sure to take care of you too!