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Sun 5 May, 2019 03:48 am
THESE USEFUL QUOTES WERE REPORTEDLY TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
24. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
33. "He's got something in common with the President - they've both gotten as high up in government as they're going to."
@Seizan,
These are funny and cute but quite apocryphal. You’ll have to pardon my nitpickery.
@Seizan,
Some real jewels in there.
@Ragman,
Actually, I've had these in old files for more than 20 years. I never really believed they came from such reports. When I came across them the other day for the first time in decades, I just thought they' be funny enough to post.
The mere implication that they "might" have come from reports on government employees is enough to make me chuckle that these are the people running our country...
But I do agree, probably not from official federal evaluations.
@Seizan,
Seizan wrote:
Actually, I've had these in old files for more than 20 years. I never really believed they came from such reports. When I came across them the other day for the first time in decades, I just thought they' be funny enough to post.
The mere implication that they "might" have come from reports on government employees is enough to make me chuckle that these are the people running our country...
But I do agree, probably not from official federal evaluations.
Quite believable - have you ever dealt with a government employee? (note these are fortunately not people running our country - more likely those at places like DMV, Social security office, unemployment office, etc. ) - have been in any of these offices? Yeah it is believable.
I current co-worker of mine explained their one experience working for the government .... there was another worker who did not leave his desk at all during the work day - to the point he peed and pooped where he sat. Not sure if it was IRS that they worked at (if I remember correctly it was).
I also remember interviewing for a job when I was in my 20s when I decided I wanted to "branch" out and try something else after my first "real" job. One was at a government office. I walked in there --- right away I thought there is no way in heck I would ever work here. Everything was grey - the office, the people, there was no color figuratively or in actuality. It was the most dismal thing I ever experienced.
So yeah - these comments may be from the few creative people in the government or those just so fed up with below average workers (either that or big mistakes in what they were typing that came out funny).
@Seizan,
Seizan wrote:
Actually, I've had these in old files for more than 20 years. I never really believed they came from such reports. When I came across them the other day for the first time in decades, I just thought they' be funny enough to post.
The mere implication that they "might" have come from reports on government employees is enough to make me chuckle that these are the people running our country...
But I do agree, probably not from official federal evaluations.
I think they come across funny and believable because most of us have had to deal with inept federal employees in the past.
@Linkat,
Federal? I've had to deal with the NM Motor Vehicle Division.
Top that!
@roger,
roger wrote:
Federal? I've had to deal with the NM Motor Vehicle Division.
Top that!
I was kind of referring to any government employee - I found either to generally be incompetent. In some ways though you can understand their lack of enthusiasm - I have seen some of people they need to deal with and maybe that is why at least in part.
Probably why I chit chatted and tried to be friendly to the woman assisting us when my daughter went to take her drivers permit. Seems like a dismal job dealing with people who have to wait an hour and longer in a dirty big office with hard benches to take a 15 minute test.
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