Why is "You're gay!" such an insult?

And why does it work? Because no straight guy wants other people thinking that he is weak, or feminine, or otherwise girlie...at all. And the word "gay" personifies all those things, in the mind of the straight man.

Hmmm -

a. I was asking why some friendly with each other adult males - such as, in this instance, Kicky and Slappy IN THE AMERICAS (and mebbe in some other cultures, but I have only been moved to note obsessiveness in Americas instances) seemingly somewhat obsessively (I know that is a pejorative term - mebbe habitually?) communicate with each other using accusations and embroideries of homosexuality themes as the currency of communication.

I have not noted the same in the UK or Oz, for instance - though I may be wrong - I have certainly never noted it amongst males known to me.


I wondered what it was about in terms of seemingly friendly communication.

IS it perceived as friendly by the participants?


I know about homophobia and all that crap - I just don't get it in the situation I asked about.

b. I especially rejected "insecure in their masculinity" explanations - cos that doesn't seem so in the guys I am thinking of who I have witnessed doing it. And - as an explanation - that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring!



But - since it came up anyway - what is WITH that??? Insecure in one's masculinity, I mean?

I just cannot understand that and what it might feel like/be about.

And I don't mean all the "we don't know whether we should open doors/the roles have changed and it's hard for us, we don't know what to dooooooooooo" stuff - that is just social change stuff - this seems to be a lot deeper than that.

I mean, deep in the core of me I feel female - nothing makes me doubt that, or worry about it, or feel that I have to prove it - or act in some special way to prove it to everyone else - I think. (Mebbe some women do? Is this the long nails and girly stuff? Or is that just mating behaviour??Or am I just blind to hyper-girly stuff I do)?

IS it different for guys/some guys?????? HOW is it different?

So do you, Kicky - so do you.

I think it is actually the fear that straight guys have of their own gay tendencies. The more insecure the person is in their masculinity or sexuality, the more homophobic they are...I think. That sound right?

First of all, I don't think I've ever heard a male over the age of say, 12, use a gay reference as a method of really trying to insult someone. If they have, I don't see how it's effective.

Quote:

First of all, I don't think I've ever heard a male over the age of say, 12, use a gay reference as a method of really trying to insult someone. If they have, I don't see how it's effective.

So, what, beating someone to death and stringing them up and a barbed wire fence isn't an insult?

Okay, I admit it...I DO love drag queens!!! But only in a completely platonic, non-sexual, for-entertainment-purposes-only kind of way, of course.

kickycan wrote:

I think it is actually the fear that straight guys have of their own gay tendencies. The more insecure the person is in their masculinity or sexuality, the more homophobic they are...I think. That sound right?

This is right Kicky. In fact, we see a correlation between self professed homo-phobia and responses to homoerotic porn. The greater the homophobe the greater the response.

To answer the thread directly - I think that the gay insult is merely the latest social retort (at least among men) that works to insult the other. It is funny - when someone says 'Your gay.' to me I simply do not have an emotional response. If someone says "Your fat." to me, I am all shades of pissed. One I take personally - the other I not only do not see an resemblence of truth in - but do not think it is an insult. I have a bunch of friends that are homosexuals and I simply don't see the insult.

So I think a lot of your question can be answered by the 'insecure' men thing - but not only is your question a valid one but it is a good one.

Here is what I think. 'Gay' is the new 'nigger' or 'Gay' is the new 'Fat Ass'. Let me take these in order.

Gay is the new nigger:

Until our society sees how hateful gay is and the fact that it is societally exeptable to utter, in any situation, we will continue to use it. The statements that it is generic are simpl cover-ups by people who are too insensitive to see its effect.

Gay is the new fat ass.

We have assumed that gays simply choose thier lifestyle and so do all obese people so insulting them is not insulting something that they do not have a choice about - it is insulting thier choices. I mean, fat people are lazy overeaters right? Perhaps some are, perhaps a great deal are - but to utter 'You are a fat ass.' with all the venom that our society places behind that phrase is to assume that ALL have simply chosen thier lifestyle.

So... gay seems to be a protected phrase used by society to an effect and based in ignorance and intolerence that not only works on its intended target - but will continue to work on its intended target until our societal vies of those reffered to by the word 'gay' changes.

I think that is my short answer.

TTF