Explanation and/or advice over a person not appearing able to contemplate others' views.

Reply Fri 3 May, 2019 01:49 pm

I'm new to this forum, so I apologise if I break any conventions or rules.

Someone I know well and used to be a friend, especially looking back (and still currently), seems unable to change their views. They seem to take alternative viewpoints as an offence to them, or something not worth discussing.

One other thing of note is that when something happens that this person neither expects nor likes, in this case someone they irrationally disapprove of having a good relationship with the person's friends, they often use irrational means to explain it to others, but also, I suspect, primarily themselves: "ah, my friends must therefore be sexually interested in that someone I disapprove of" was implied.

One thing that I should mention is that this person, towards the end of our friendship, slowly started convincing themselves that I was a bad person, and would find anything and everything they could to reinforce that view.

I should also add that our friendship and henceforth ending of it is not the subject of this question, it just happens to be the context for most of the examples I am most familiar with of the relevant behaviour. Multiple of this person's friends have similar stories of similar behaviour patterns.

And please do ask if you'd like any more detail or context.

Is there a reason for this behaviour, what could be influencing it and how could I or others try to stop or subconsciously discourage it?
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Jewels Vern
Reply Fri 3 May, 2019 02:23 pm
If this person had a clear reason, he/she would have said what it is. Guessing is not profitable. All yoou can do is let them go their own way.
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Reply Fri 3 May, 2019 02:29 pm
People are people. They form their own ideas, concepts and opinions over time, gathering them from various sources. They cannot always be changed. At that point Each of us must decide if a relationship of any kind can be maintained with them or not.

I have a longtime friend who often behaves or speaks in ways quite opposite of me. For the most part, he is a good person, just certain topics he lacks all flexibility and refuses to hear another side. This has applied to a number of subjects. I strive to keep a balance and allow him his stubbornness.
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Reply Sat 4 May, 2019 12:44 am
it depends.

people who are like this can be stubborn, or naturally bull-headed.

they also may have some kind of condition making them less udnerstanding of others, or lacking empathy. Autism is an example, since a lack of comprehension of others' viewpoints is a symptom.

It could be they lack communication skills, or otherwise just an ass.
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Reply Sat 4 May, 2019 07:07 am
Best to keep away from overly critical people. Know that nothing you say or do can win their approval. (They will move the goalposts)

Either find something about this person that keeps you tied to them, or detach. Most likely they won’t even acknowledge that you are missing.
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Reply Sat 11 May, 2019 01:39 am
they probably don't like you.

or they are stubborn.
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