my husband is not very loving

Sorry I cant advise anything.It must be awful.I hope things work out for you.

I don't have very much experience, but from chatting with 100-150 people over the
years, I would estimate about 35% of women are like that and 60% of men.

So, no, not all men are like that, and I bet ADHD makes it much more
difficult -- requiring a lot of persistence and patience!


All I can think of is, you might try giving some of the things you need to yourself . . .

A warm, gentle bath. Quiet time spent in a peaceful, nice place.
Being with self. Writing thoughts and feelings in a journal.
Getting a manicure or shampoo. Stuffed animals. Or real ones.
Some friends to chat with.
Staying warm and snuggly in a sweater. Napping with a body-pillow.
Finding a bright patch of sunlight or a fireplace or a pond, and just sit.
(depending on the weather wherever you are!)


Maybe not these exact ideas, but any activity or thing that has
some of the qualities that you are looking for.

You knew this before you married him, right?

I think I once saw this problem painted onto the wall of cave surrounded by pictorials of mammoths and saber tooth tigers.

Anyway, My husband and I like to read in bed before going to sleep. I take the opportunity to lean against him, maybe throw a leg over his etc. Try cuddling why you watch a movie or TV - I think for a lot of men it's hard to just lay around and pet women. The only time I watch sports is when my husband is on the couch - I often have to move the dogs over, but I find him perfectly willing to do the cuddle thing at such times. Remember, for men affection does not necessarily involve their brains.

Hello, thanks for the replies. No i didn't know it before we got married. We have been married for 10 months and he has been like this for about 6 months. Thanks for all the help everyone

If you didn't know he'd be like this then maybe you rushed into marrige.

BTW, Who doesn't have ADHD these days. I don't have it, but I know alot of people who blame everything on it, claiming that they do. Maybe it's something in the milk?

I know this might sound a little strange, but does your husband have a relatively controlled diet? I only ask because (having worked with kids with all kinds - autism, aspergers, downs, and most of them have ADHD as well) I've seen how important it is that the parents feed them healthy stuff, and avoid certain things. I can't give too much detail - but I'm guessing the easiest way to control this would be to control your husbands ADHD. So if he can do anything eating-wise that would help....

hello thanks bekaboo for the reply. No he doesn't go by any diet. He was on medcine that really helped him when he was younger. But he no longer takes it because of the bad side effects of ADD med. I heard there where adult ADD medcine out now that didn't have those same side effects, do you know? I think this is our biggest problem. He has a hard time being still for along time. He has a hard time in college because he has to sit there so long and he hates jobs that he is not busy all the time. So getting him to just sit down and talk to me and relax is VERY diffcult lol. Thanks for any help.

Codeborg gave me an idea: you could ask him to wash/plait/brush your hair, shave your legs (why do women have to be so secretive about this?), and other stuff where you can sit/lie still and he has something to do. Long hikes in the great outdoors can also be good for bonding.

Your question reminds me of the famous Friends quote from Ross(?) "Hug and roll...". I like cuddling a lot but after a few minutes I sometimes overheat and also I need to know that I can move around a bit if I want to.

Big big smiles!

Do it yourself first, to lock in exactly what things you like and appreciate.
Then train him. Everybody needs a little encouragement and helpful instruction.

When a woman SAYS what she likes, I am in heaven.




You are in charge (of yourself)... Hold your dominion. (THANKS Noddy!)

This happens to my husband too. I am just getting comfortable and he is ready to explode he's so hot. I have to get off him so he can breathe again.