Auto humor.

Forums: Humor
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Anybody know any car jokes, quips, or auto humor in general?
Here are a few to get started:

(Going back in time) The Germans used to call Volvos
"The fastest tractors in Europe"

Diesels don't accelerate, they gather momentum.
(no longer remotely true).

FIAT - an acronym: Fix It Alla the Time

A Japanese car company hired a German firm to come up with a name for a new car which they had neglected to do. The Germans flew to Japan to work with them. One German asked them what the deadline
was for the new name. The Japanese answered "In ah One a week."
The German said, "Daht soon?"
The Japanese smiled and said, 'Dot Sun?' Velly good. I rike it."

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,366 • Replies: 9

No top replies

These are pretty common, but what I know:

BMW: "Break My Window"

Ford: "Fix Or Repair Daily," or "Found On Road Dead."

And I know one for Pontiac, but it's pretty damn racist.

0 Replies

I always thought the FIAT stood for Fix It Again Tony and FORD was F**ked Old Rebuilt Dodge.

From the two wheeled set was BMW cars are Bimmers and the drivers are yuppie scum, but BMW motorcycles are Beemers and the riders are OK.

British automotive engineers spend more time deciding on what type of walnut to use on the dashboard than any other part on the car.

Lucas the manufacture of electrical systems for British automobiles is affectionately known as the Prince of Darkness.

The reason that the British drink warm beer is that Lucas builds their refrigerators.

Lucas--the inventor of the intermittent wiper.

Rap

0 Replies

What do retired Cadillac dealers drive?

A: Mercedes

0 Replies

raprap, noticing your avatar, do you ride(motorcycles)?

0 Replies

Maybelline, Chuck Berry

As i was motivatin' over the hill
Saw Maybelline in a Coupe de Ville
Cadillac rollin' on Old Glen Road
Nothin' out runs my V-8 Ford
Cadillac doin' 'bout 95
It was bumper to bumper, side to side

Maybelline
Why can't you be true
Oh, Maybelline
Why can't you be true
You done started back doin' them things
You used to do

Cadillac pulled up to a hundred and four
Before it got too hot, wouldn't do no more
It done got cloudy and started to rain
I tooted my horn in the passin' lane
Rain water blowin' all under my hood
I knew that was doin' my motor good

Maybelline
Why can't you be true
Oh, Maybelline
Why can't you be true
You done started back doin' them things
You used to do

The water cooled down, the heat went down
That's when i heard that highway sound
Cadillac sittin' like a ton a lead
A hundred and ten half a mile ahead
Cadillac looked like it was standin' still
I caught Maybelline at the top of the hill

Maybelline
Why can't you be true
Oh, Maybelline
Why can't you be true
You done started back doin' them things
You used to do

0 Replies

http://www.lincoln-club.org/hotrodlinc.gif

Hot Rod Lincoln, Charley Ryan

My pappy said, 'Son, you're gonna drive me t' drinkin' ...
If you don't quit drivin' that - Hot ... Rod ... Lincoln!'

Well, you've heard the story of the hot rod race,
When the Ford and the Mercury were settin' the pace.
That story's true I'm here to say,
Cause I was a'drivin' that Model A.

It's got a Lincoln motor and it's really souped up;
That Model A body makes it look like a pup.
It's got 12 cylinders and uses them all;
And an overdrive that just won't stall.

It's got a 4-barrel carb and dual exhausts,
4:11 gears that really get lost -
Safety tubes and I'm not scared,
The brakes are good and the tires are fair.

We left San Pedro late one night;
The moon and the stars were shinin' bright.
We were drivin' up Grapevine Hill,
Passin' cars like they were standin' still.

Then, all of a sudden, in the wink of an eye,
a Cadillac sedan passed us by.
The remark was made, "That's the car for me."
But, by then, the taillights wuz all you could see.

Well, the fellers ribbed me for bein' behind,
So I started to make that Lincoln unwind.
Took my foot off the gas and, man alive,
I shoved it down into overdrive.

Well, I wound it up to 110;
Twisted the speedometer cable right off the end.
Had my foot glued right to the floor;
I said, "That's all there is - there ain't no more.

Now the fellas thought I'd lost all sense;
The telephone poles looked like a picket fence.
They said, "Slow down, I see spots."
The lines on the road just looked like dots.

Went around a corner and passed a truck;
I crossed my fingers just for luck -
The fenders clickin' the guard rail post;
The guy beside me was white as a ghost.

Smoke was rollin' outta the back
When I started to gain on that Cadillac
I knew I could catch him and hoped I could pass
But when I did I'd be short on gas.

There were flames comin' from out of the side;
You could feel the tension; man, what a ride.
I said, "Look out, boys, I've got a license to fly"
And the Cadillac pulled over and let me by.

All of a sudden a rod started knockin';
Down in the depths she started a rockin'.
I looked in the mirror and a red light was blinkin';
The cops was after my Hot Rod Lincoln.

Well they arrested me and put me in jail.
I called my pop to make my bail.
He said, 'Son, you're gonna drive me t' drinkin',
If you don't quit drivin' that - Hot ... Rod ... Lincoln!'

0 Replies

http://summerville-novascotia.com/AmericanMotors/1956Nash-Rambler-Super-Sedan.jpg

Beep Beep (The Little Nash Rambler), by the Playmates

(Very slowly)

Beep beep beep beep
His horn went beep beep beep
While riding in my Cadillac
What to my surprise
A little Nash Rambler was following me
About one third my size
The guy musta wanted to pass me up
As he kept on tooting his horn
I'll show him that a Cadillac is not a car to scorn
Beep beep beep beep
His horn went beep beep beep

(Slowly)
I pushed my foot down to the floor
To give the guy the shake
But the little Nash Rambler stayed right behind
He still had on his brake
He musta thought his car had more guts
As he kept on tooting his horn (beep beep)
I'll show him that a Cadillac is not a car to scorn
Beep beep beep beep
His horn went beep beep beep

(Normal speed)
My car went into passing gear
And we took off with gust (whoosh)
Soon we were going ninety
Musta left him in the dust
When I peeked in the mirror of my car
I couldn't believe my eyes
The little Nash Rambler was right behind
You'd think that guy could fly
Beep beep beep beep
His horn went beep beep beep

(Quickly)
Now we were doing a hundred and ten
This certainly was a race
For a Rambler to pass a Caddy
Would be a big disgrace
The guy musta wanted to pass me up
As he kept on tooting his horn (beep beep)
I'll show him that a Cadillac is not a car to scorn
Beep beep beep beep
His horn went beep beep beep

(Very quickly)
Now we're going a hundred twenty
As fast as I can go
The Rambler pulled along side of me
As if we were going slow
The fella rolled down his window
And yelled for me to hear
"Hey buddy how do I get this car outa second gear?"

0 Replies

Slappy Doo Hoo

In the words of Orwell's Napolean---Four wheels good, Two wheels better.

And since I prefer two wheels to four, I've found that some motorcycles are more equal than others.

Adding to your jokes pages,
Q) What do you say to a Harley rider at a stoplight?
A) Get a plow.

Quote:

Artist: Roger McGuinn Lyrics
Song: Ballad Of Easy Rider Lyrics

The river flows
It flows to the sea
Wherever that river goes
That's where I want to be
Flow river flow
Let your waters wash down
Take me from this road
To some other town

All he wanted
Was to be free
And that's the way
It turned out to be
Flow river flow
Let your waters wash down
Take me from this road
To some other town

Flow river flow
Past the shaded tree
Go river, go
Go to the sea
Flow to the sea

The river flows
It flows to the sea
Wherever that river goes
That's where I want to be
Flow river flow
Let your waters wash down
Take me from this road
To some other town

Rap

0 Replies

CUBS: Completely Useless Beyond September ...(or earlier)

0 Replies

Auto humor.

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know