My wife doesn't do anything around the house

Yes, hire a housekeeper. I'm very serious about this and don't want you to think I'm being sarcastic.

Some people simply hate cleaning house and it has nothing to do with being lazy. I'm one of those people and I've had hired help over the years when needed. I'm 41 and to this day I can't stand it. I share a home with my mother/son and while she does most (not all) of the cleaning, I do yard work, run her errands (she doesn't drive), home improvements, etc...
I haven't always shared a home with my mother, but I hired a housekeeper who came for a few hours a week during those times.

Just a thought.

Welcome to A2K

I agree with Montana. If you cannot afford it then is there some household chores that she would be better at - for example cooking, grocery shopping/laundry. Maybe you could split it according to what works best.

My husband and I do not split household work exactly evenly, but according to what we do best and enjoy (or hate the least). We both also work full time jobs and have two young children. I usually take care of the children and he will do the heavy cleaning - like bathrooms. Either he or I will cook and the other will clean up.

I've also used a housekeeper on and off over the years. There's still a lot of 'picking up' to do, particulary on the day the housekeeper is coming, but the benefit of having the entire house clean is worth it. Even if it's only once or twice a month, it's well worth it.

Alternatively, you can try to divide up the chores differently than 'your messes' and 'her messes'. I'm not using a housekeeper currently so Mr B and I split up the chores into what each of us dislikes the least. I hate to vacuum and empty the dishwasher so Mr B does those things. I do all the laundry and dusting because he doesn't like to dust and he isn't capable of folding clothes (something lacking in the gene pool, I think). I do most of the cooking and kitchen cleaning, we share the bathroom cleaning, he does most of the outside stuff like mowing and shovelling. I tend to dislike clutter sooner than he does so I pick up all time, he tends to notice the dirt sooner than I so he begins to clean before I do.

If things have improved over the past year, I suggest you talk to your wife about the possibility of making a different sharing plan or the possibility of getting an occasional housekeeper. Keep in mind, however, that the housekeeper can't clean it if she can't see if for all the clutter, so there's still plenty of housework to do.

I see what you're saying. The problem is that she won't do any of those things, at least not on her own. She insists that I escort her on grocery shopping, and she hates cooking. The problem is that she just seems to eschew responsibility in the household.

I'm not married, but I have, and had roomates who are just so f'n lazy, they put their dishes in the sink and leave them, instead of throwing them in the dishwasher right next to the sink. It's gotten to the point where I've yelled at good friends of mine because they're too stupid to realize their slobs.

If someone's lazy with that stuff, they're not going to change.

I hired a housekeeper, Twice a month, she comes, cleans all the floors, bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, ect. Only thing I do now is clean up after myself and make sure the sink isn't full of crap my roomates leave in there. And it's not expensive when split between two people.

I see your problem. Personally, I like doing the grocery shopping and doing it alone. I'm a grab what we need and get out kind of gal and others with me takes me twice as long. I also like things organized, so I do that. I pick up after myself as I go along, so my cloths and stuff are never all over the place. I love cooking, so I do lots of the meals. I have a large vegetable garden and get a nice harvest of veggies that last all year. I can and freeze my veggies, so that is hard work.
As others have said, when you hire a housekeeper, thinks need to be picked up and out of the way and there's constant picking up to do every day along with dishes and laundry. The nice thing about having a housekeeper is that you don't have to worry about dusting, vacuuming, washing floors, doing bathrooms, or changing beds. If you're lucky, you'll be able to find one that does windows and even laundry.
This would surely take a load off of you and as Slappy said, it's really not that costly, especially split between 2 people.

Stop washing her clothes and tell her unless she takes some responsibility around the house she will be wearing dirty underwear. And don't clean up after her. Seriously. If it is as bad as you say it is, she is probably only doing it because you let her get away with it and she knows that things will be done.

Bella
Only problem with this is that some people don't mind living in a mess and will just leave it there, so he'll end up having to live in her mess.
It is worth a try if he already hasn't tried it, but something tells me he might have already done this. I know I had an ex that was a slob and when I stopped cleaning up after him, the place ended up looking like a tornado hit it.

Did you know that you can do your grocery shopping online and they will deliver it right to your door!

My friend, who has little patience for cooking, loves to go to Brava, I think it's just a local thing but your city might have something like it. It's kind of hard to explain but you can read about it here: http://bravameals.com/?page=how

I did this with a roommate and just picked stuff up and put it on her chair. Dirty dishes and all. She'd have to move it every time she wanted to sit down. And eventually put it away.

Boomer
When I lived in Mass the Super Stop & Shop did that. I used it a few times, but I prefer to pick my own fruit, veggies and meat, so I didn't stick with it.
It's great for people who hate shopping though.

If he hasn't tried this, I hope he does and gets the results you did :-)

Certainly with the laundry, I would leave hers unwashed in its own laundry basket. Keep a separate laundry basket for your own clothes, towels and stuff, and wash these as needed. When she runs out of clothes and asks, point to her laundry basket with a shrug. Her clothing does not affect you or your unhappiness with messiness. The only person it will affect will be her.

As for grocery shopping and cooking, continue to take care of this but I would begin to shop and cook more to your preferences. If she complains, again shrug and say you keep forgetting to get her pantyhose, favorite juice, whatever.

The general cleanliness of the house, dirty dishes, etc., will drive you mad so there is no change there. Keep doing that stuff yourself but don't do it on anyone elses schedule but your own. If it drives you mad seeing the mess, tidy it up. If not, don't. Sometimes she might want a friend to pop around for a visit and might actually have to lift a finger to put things away and tidy a bit, if you have not already done it for her.

A housekeeper does sound like a good idea, if you can afford it, and your wife does not overload the poor person with things to do for HER only. You would have to be clear that the housekeeper only do general tidy up and cleaning - not things like picking up your wifes dry-cleaning.

Don't suggest your wife do anything, just keep forgetting to do the things she's used to you doing until she gets fed up and finally has to do them herself. Apparently telling her is not working. If she misses these things enough then she might finally pull her socks up and share the domestic responsibilities with you a bit better.

There are ways to get on her nerves, without it creating a mess you have to live in.

Haven't read all the posts... but different people are comfortable with different levels of cleanliness. Maybe take some time to explain to each other why you like things to be one way or the other.

My husband and I seem to do most things as evenly as possible. There is one slight problem, he is a perfectionist and obsessive. He is a clean freak...well mostly. He knows that he will never get away with saying that cleaning is a womans job. If I cook, which is 95% of the time, we both will clean but he will be washing while I put away. He takes out the trash, I take care of the cat box, we do our laundry together, we spend every sunday cleaning the house each doing are part to make sure everything is clean. We each take one bathroom, he likes to vaccum, I clean windows and dust a little. We both take our own part in cleaning. But all hell breaks loose if I feel like being a little lazy and he thinks I need to be cleaning something.

Fungi - I agree. I'm a much neater and more organized person than almost any living partner I've ever had - college room-mates, housemates before I was married - husband and children. I've learned over the years that if I have to have it a certain way - I need to do it - because other people don't see the need to have it like I want it. Luckily, I like to do it - I know I'm weird - but it's calming to me (for some strange reason).
With a room-mate, I agree that you can have those battles of wills to try to change people's behavior - though I don't think they succeed most of the time in anything but getting the people involved pissed off at you. But in a marriage it seems like there should be some level of cooperation. It sounds like Boof isn't just annoyed about the dirty house - he's annoyed at her inconsiderate behavior and laziness. If I thought my mate was lazy and inconsiderate - that would be hard to deal with- and hiring a housekeeper wouldn't make me respect or admire him any more- although it might serve to make the fact that he's lazy a little less blatant a couple of days out of the month. I don't know what the answer is except to talk to her - let her know how it bothers you - and if she won't change and is just flat out lazy - maybe try to focus on her good points. So she's not the hardest working or best housekeeper - there must be other things you love about her. Sometimes you just got to deal with what you got.