Top 5 smart-ass answers of the year

Great, thanks for sharing

I liked number 3 the best

I liked number 3 as well :-D

I hope I will remember # 3 the next time I'm stopped

The # 1 is pretty funny too...

There's one I read about:

There's a guy in the queue and he's very frustrated about being at the end. So he pushes his way to the front. The girl behind the window says, "Sir please wait in line like everyone else."

he glares at her - "Do you know who I am?" he shouts.

She smiles and announces to the microphone "Attention please, there is a gentleman here who does not know who he is. If anyone knows of his identity, please come to the front counter, thank you."

This isnt a come back but I found it funny.

I was on a flight back from somewhere years back and there was quite a bit of turbelence.
The plane finally lands and the Captain says 'Sorry about that rough landing ladies and gentlemen but if it was easy we wouldnt get paid as much'.

I was in Court once, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for my client's case to be heard, and suddenly became aware of an interesting case in progress (usually, I just sit and do the crosswords, as it is rather tedious).

A man had been driving his Rolls Royce down the Motorway, and attempted to leave at an exit. The exit was an uphill lane, that led to a flyover which crossed the motorway,some half a mile further down the road.

Halfway up this uphill lane, the car veered off the edge, down the embankment, rolling over about three times, before ending the right way up, back on the slow lane of the Motorway. The roof and every panel of the car was badly damaged, and the driver was sitting dazed, as a Police car stopped to investigate.

Court dialogue. Attending Policeman in witness box, reading his statement in a typical British Bobby official Court voice (a bit like John Cleese, imitating a cockney)

Policeman (PC): "So I pulled my car over to the 'ard shoulder, activated the blue lights, and approached the vehicle".

Crown Prosecutor (CP) : " And what did you see?"

PC: " I went to tap on the window, but it was not there. (chuckle in Court....he has now got my full attention).....So I leaned into the vehicle, and asked the defendant if he was hurt, but I was also attempting to ascertain whether he smelt of alcohol. He did."

CP: "And then what did you do?"

PC (looking deliberately at his notebook, and effecting an even more official tone....everyone waiting with bated breath): "He replied that he was not hurt, but was upset about his car, as it was 'is pride and joy, and that 'is wife was going to kill him" (stifled giggles around Court).

CP (looking a bit exasperated): "And THEN what did you do?"

PC (taking a deep breath, puffing up chest and drawing himself to full height): " I said to the defendant "Excuse me Sir, but 'ave you been drinking"? ....To which he replied (reading verbatim now from his notebook) "Of COURSE I've been drinking you idiot, what do you think I am, a F*CKING STUNTMAN? "

Even the Magistrate burst out laughing. There is only one other episode that I have witnessed in Court that was as deadpan funny as that, and it involved a young man doing naughties with a horse....but that's for another day.

Cool
No.3 & No.4 were awesome!