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Am I a Sugar daddy Without the Sugar? Help me please

 
 
Reply Sun 31 Mar, 2019 11:27 pm
About a year ago I began a relationship of sorts with a co-worker. I am her immediate supervisor and she is 40 years my junior. I am 60 and married and she is 22.
She is bisexual and at the time we began this relationship she was in a relationship with another woman. During that time, she would only see me perhaps once a month for coffee or a quick drink.
About four months ago her relationship fell apart and we now see each other usually weekly and have nice lunches or a few drinks.
Our relationship has always been platonic and has never advanced into a sexual relationship as she says it takes her a long time to get to truly know and trust someone. We have discussed how I want her and she knows in spite of her shortcomings that I am in love with her.
I take care of all of her needs from Midol or pads when she is at work to chips or cigarettes. I buy her lunch at work every day and help her financially when she asked me if I can.
She knows I am in the process of a divorce and I have a 12 year old child that she interacts with very well and they have a wonderful time when they are together.
Now to the problem or the question at hand. I truly love this woman and she knows and acknowledges it. She also knows and acknowledges the fact that I desire her sexually very much. As I said I take care of all of her needs financially and emotionally. She lives at home with her parents and her father keeps a tight leash on her even though she is of age.
She tells me it just takes her a long time to truly trust someone and she doesn't show her emotions very well
From what I can see she is telling me the truth as I know her parents and have seen her interact with them many times. She also tells me things a woman would not normally tell a man and does little things to show me she she does care and has feelings for me. We live in a small town and when we first began seeing each other she was deathly afraid of us being seen together by someone who might know her or her father. Lately though she has changed and when we are out she could care less who sees us. She has also told me that basically her mother has figured out we are in a relationship of sorts although her father hasn't a clue.
I once gave her a quick peck on the lips several.months ago and was excoriated for it as I did not ask her permission and she felt it was inappropriate. Our relationship has never to this point moved beyond holding hands and talking. She says it will at some point, but can't say when. She simply says, "when I feel ready." This may be my fault as well because when we first started this relationship I told her I didn't think I could make the first move (because if our age difference) and it would be up to her.
Her family is moving to the other side of the country in a few months. I asked her if she would stay here and move in with me. She said she would consider it. Eventually she decided to go with her family and asked if I would relocate to where they are moving. She says if I do she will move out of her parents home and move in with me.
Now my dilemma. I calculated that I have given her about 4,000 dollars since this relationship began in cash. I did make it clear to her that this was not a loan and did not need to be re-paid.
With lunches at work I estimate I have spent an a additional 2500 to 3000 dollars. I also placed my job in severe jeopardy when I refused to transfer her to another department after my boss suspected something was going on between us.
So, my question is...based on what info I have provided, does it appear I am a sugar daddy without the sugar or do you think that perhaps for whatever reason she is simply playing hard to get?
How can I be sure she won't refuse to move in with me if I move to the other side of the country to be with her? Lastly, how can I convince her or what should I say or do to convince her that it's time for this relationship to advance to the bedroom? I don't want to use money or the lack of any additional help as the means to an end, because wouldn't that make her feel like a whore...and that's not the way I want her to feel.
I really need some advice on this matter.
Thank you.
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 12:12 am
@Usmcsnco,

Usmcsnco wrote:

Her family is moving to the other side of the country in a few months. I asked her if she would stay here and move in with me. She said she would consider it. Eventually she decided to go with her family and asked if I would relocate to where they are moving. She says if I do she will move out of her parents home and move in with me.


Okay, if you move across the country, she will move in with you (maybe). She won't move in with you while you're both in the same town. If I have that right, that would be all I need to know.

PS: I don't trust her.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 12:42 am
@roger,
But, but, but he has lavished sumptuous gifts on her like Midol, pads and lunches......she must be a gold digger and he must be a dolt or just a pot-stirrer.
0 Replies
 
Usmcsnco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 12:46 am
@roger,
Roger,
Thanks for your response to at least part of the equation. Perhaps I should give a little more context.
When her parents stated they were moving out of state a few weeks ago, she said her mom had told her she was an adult and could make her own decision about rather to move with them or not. I asked if she would consider staying and move in with me. I asked that she think about it.
Two days later she asked if she didn't stay if I would move to where she was moving. I stated I was prepared to do so. A couple of days later she said she had decided to move since I was not opposed to joining her there and we could move in together. Hope this helps provide better context.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 01:34 am
@Usmcsnco,
Better context, but same opinion. Honestly, she sounds unwilling to add anything to the relationship. I still think you should write the whole investment off to experience.

You will follow your own feelings, but maybe a few more opinions will help with your decision.
Usmcsnco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 02:12 am
@roger,
Thanks Roger. I very much appreciate your time and hopefully a few more will opine with their thoughts on the matter.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 05:36 am
@Usmcsnco,
You're going to end up losing your job over someone who treats you like dirt if this goes on for too much longer.
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 05:45 am
@Usmcsnco,

don't "poop" where you work...
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 06:21 am
I didn’t think women used Midol and pads anymore.

0 Replies
 
Usmcsnco
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 07:51 am
@jespah,
Thanks. I'm hoping someone will chime in with a definitive answer to the questions I posed. Thanks again
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 08:28 am
@Usmcsnco,
Well, you do know there's a recession coming, yes?

People who are problematic at work are probably going to be pushed out before people who aren't (and at your age it may turn out to be a shove to retirement and a not so gentle shove at that).

Get out of this mess before you get whacked with a sexual harassment allegation.

And BTW even if she says nothing, if other coworkers are observing this, you may get dinged for creating and perpetuating a hostile work environment.

I hope that's definitive enough for you.
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 11:59 am
@jespah,
Jes as usual hit the nail on the head.

However, I honestly can't believe this guy at 60 really believes a 22 year old female wants to be romantically invovled with him.

The delusion is strong in this one. In more ways than one.

I think the expression "there's no fool like an old food" applies to this scenerio.

To the OP, you feel like you "take care of all her needs" because you've spent $3K over more than a year buying her lunch, snacks, smokes, Midol Rolling Eyes etc?

That's like 10 bucks a day.
So you've given her another $4K. A 22 year old probably thinks that's a lot. Feel lucky she isn't older in that regard. She would have taken you for a lot more.

Is it just sex you want from her? You're willing to, at 60 years old, to quit your job, move across country for that?
Have you noticied that 60 year old men, a few years from, or at retirement age, aren't exactly being hired for anything?

Also, and this should be no surprise, your health, general well being, are on the brink of that inevitable downhill slide where every month brings exciting new things to deal with.

She's 22 for Christs sake man! You seriously think she want to have sex with someone old enough to be her grandfather? You really think she's not dating, having sex with men her age?

Have a little dignity man. You're embarrassing yourself.

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Apr, 2019 01:25 pm
Wait - aren't you married? What's going on there with that elephant in the room?

Plus, if you move, what about your daughter?

Are you giving her cash for her needs (pads, midol, etc)?

You say she is "bi" - that means she had sex with another woman. Yet, you are pushed away. The fact that she rejects your kisses makes me suspect she is using you for your money.

Also - your name. Are you in the USMC now?
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 03:18 am
What were the replies when you asked about this same situation last year? Some of the details like your age were changed. You were 55 last year and now you’re 60. This stuff certainly ages you, doesn’t it.

Seems you didn’t listen to the advice back then either. Why bother?
Micheal9696
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 03:46 am
@Usmcsnco,
Better context, but same opinion. Honestly, she sounds unwilling to add anything to the relationship. I still think you should write the whole investment off to experience.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 04:05 am
@Usmcsnco,
Furthermore, you said her parents have a tight rein on her, yet she has mysteriously found the cash to buy all of these items and whatnot she hadn’t been able to before? Bottom line is that she is using you. And you are trying to buy her affection.

No wonder she AND her parents are moving 3000 miles away. Why would she move in with a guy who has such poor judgement about so many major decisions? Why wouldn’t she move with her parents? They probably are better suited to helping her make the right life choices.

I get it: April Fools!
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 10:23 am
@Micheal9696,
Micheal9696 wrote:

Better context, but same opinion. Honestly, she sounds unwilling to add anything to the relationship. I still think you should write the whole investment off to experience.

Thanks for quoting me. Does that mean you found it helpful?
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 06:56 pm
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:

What were the replies when you asked about this same situation last year? Some of the details like your age were changed. You were 55 last year and now you’re 60. This stuff certainly ages you, doesn’t it.

Seems you didn’t listen to the advice back then either. Why bother?


Good catch Ragman, He did post the same thing last year, and he was 55 and the bisexual maybe girlfriend was 25 and a lesbian. The clinker for me was bragging about buying her all the Midol and pads her heart desired. Be still my heart.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 07:17 pm
@glitterbag,
I know glitter. That is the thing that keeps popping back up in my mind. All the Midol and pads she needs! Wow. Where can I hookup with a catch like that? Although I don't need them anymore. I guess I could sell them on ebay.

Honestly though, ragmans thoughts that aren't the parents suspect when she suddenly has all her needs, or all this money to buy stuff...She's been getting lunch every day, and some smokes, and let's not forget the Midol and pads. $4K extra over a year? Who would notice that? You think parents would be like "Hey, how are you suddenly able to buy makeup, or that shirt, or whatever.

Not only has the guys aged from 55 to 60 in the year, but the girl has gone from 25 to 22 it looks like.

This whole thing is just so silly, even if it's true.

Oh, I also love the "I'm willing to overlook her shortcomings" comment. That was great.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Apr, 2019 08:35 pm
@chai2,
Well now, here's the silver lining. Can you just imagine how envious all the other 22-25 somethings would be if you invited them over and just left crates of Midol and Pads all around Mom and Dad's house aaaaannnddddd you could brag that your Spenda Daddy buys you a nice ham sandwich.......yeahhhhhhh me neither.

Many years ago when I had escaped from my murderous first husband, my son and I had moved into a small townhouse. I've had migraines since I was about 8 yrs old and this one night I had a crippling headache. My Dad must have taken me to the ER for treatment and when the ER doc came in he asked a few questions and said he would give me an injection.....I asked him not to give me anything that would completely knock me out because I had a 4 year old at home....He said, can't your husband look after him?? I said no, I'm separated from my husband...and he said (I kid you not) Well I'm a single fellow myself and I'm a surgeon so I don't believe in a lot of drugs"...It was a strange WTF moment, but the nurse came me a shot of something and Dad must have taken me home......and the headache didn't really go away but it was better. Several days later, I got a call from Dr. Creepy asking me how I was feeling. Told him I was better, thanks for helping me and then he invited me out to lunch that Saturday.....that seemed strange, but what the hell, it was just lunch so I agreed., He came by my place and took me to a recently opened Chinese restaurant...that's fine, I like all sorts of Asian food....but when we got the menu's he told me to not worry about the price I could order anything I wanted....Blammo...that's when I knew he was married. What kind of an asshole takes a woman to a neighborhood Chinese restaurant and tells her she can have anything her heart desires. Who knows, maybe I could have been swimming in Midol and Pads....I got rid of him as soon as I got home.
 

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