confession.....

I think you have taken a major step (and a very brave one) by opening up to the people on this forum.
It sounds as if you have been doing a lot of self analysis regarding your situation, and you are (hopefully) through the worst.
I wouldnt dare to give you advice, as I am not suitably qualified.
The only thing I would say is that you should talk this over with someone (adult preferably.....remember that they have a lot of life experience) that you trust, and/or who is knowledgable in this matter.
Growing up through your teens is definitely not an easy time. Not many of us end up as beautiful/handsome, intelligent, or as talented as we had hoped.
In todays world, far too much emphasis is put into the outward appearance of a person, and their popularity within their peer group.
I'm sure that the majority of people that respond here will confirm that it is what is "inside" a person that counts.
Life can be great, if you focus on the positive and set realistic goals and ambitions for yourself.
But talk it through with someone eh?
I am sure you will have a great life. You sound like one of us "real" people to me, not a plastic wannabe human.
Stay that way and you will be fine.
Good luck.

I'm glad that you are safe. I have been down that road before, and I agree that it is no picnic. All of us at some point realize that we cannot be what others want us to be. It is hard enough to be the person that we want ourselves to be, much less what others want as well! The happiest people are those who accept themselves, and who surround themselves with people who accept them. When that doesn't work, and life gets me down, I just watch Seinfeld, and become comfortably numb...

Ringpops and Glowsticks: I'm so impressed with your thinking. I don't know how old you are, but I do know that you expressed some truths that most people don't realize until they are adults. For me, highschool was the hardest time of my life in some ways - but I did what you did - I just put my head down and my back into it - and I did what I had to do to get where I wanted to be. And then, believe me when I tell you, it did get so much better.

I am the family member of someone who did commit suicide. If you want to talk more about that, let me know, but I don't want to inflict any of my experience on you, unless you think it can help you in some way. I do think it's a good idea for you to always have someone you trust to talk to, like Lord Ellpus suggested, a counselor who knows you and your situation. Keep in touch - Aidan

Ringpops
Sounds like you're on the right track. It took me far to many years to realize that the key was finding happiness within myself. I use to put so much thought into what others thought about me that it prevented me from doing what made me happy.
I'm glad that you're here with us today and are heading in the right direction.

Be true to yourself and everything will be a-ok ;-)

Good stuff ring pops. It sounds like you are starting to mature. Nobody else should convince you that you want to live. You should convince yourself. Sometimes i feel like slapping people who want to kill themselves. Not in a bad way cause i hate them or anything. I just feel like they need to be waken up from some kind of trance they are in. ONce they do, they'll never think about it again.

Ringpops,
You're heading in the right direction. Your self image is improving and you're seeing that the inner you is where your happiness must come from. We oftentimes make decisions based on what we think someone else wants us to do in the hopes that they will accept us. The reality is that self acceptance and self love will get you through many tough spots in life.

Best wishes to you.