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My boyfriend had cancer

 
 
Zahraaa
 
Reply Tue 19 Mar, 2019 04:29 am
Hi, i have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. We started out as best friends then started dating so we get along very well and everyone around us says we’re a perfect match. However, few people said that i am hotter than him and that he is too ugly and he gets very upset and sensitive about it. Idk what to do in that regards since it’s not my fault. The other thing he told me after we started dating is that he had cancer in the past and he is a survivor now. He has to do regular check ups every few months now and there’s a chance of relapse. I started going with him to his check up appointments and the drs say he’s doing very well but like every cancer survivor, there’s a chance of heart complications or other health issues down the track due to the radiotherapy he had in the past. I love him and i think we complement each other very well but i hear comments about how ugly he is and that i can do better. Also, i am so concerned about the future considering his past medical history and all the complications. I guess my question is, what would you do if you were me?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 460 • Replies: 6
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engineer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Mar, 2019 05:18 am
@Zahraaa,
Quote:
We started out as best friends then started dating so we get along very well and everyone around us says we’re a perfect match.

You should read that line a few times and ask yourself what is your definition of "doing better".
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Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Mar, 2019 06:23 am
@Zahraaa,
How do you feel? How do you feel about this guy?

If this is all that was bothering me - then I say screw everyone else. It is important how you feel about this guy. Just from hearing this on the surface my guess is people are thinking you are physically more attractive than him. You know what that sort of attraction is short lived. Would you rather have a really hot guy that was a jerk, mean, self absorbed, empty headed?

If you really care for him them that's it - the others opinions do not matter.

If this is the case tell them to mind their own business - you care more than superficial things and your caring goes deeper than skin -- not to mention that everyone has different thoughts and feelings about what is physically attractive.

In regard to potential future medical issues - it is understandable to be worried about him. But you could date anyone and there could be some underlying medical issue you do not know about. Anything could happen to anyone at any time no matter how healthy - you hear about the physically fit high school football player that drops dead at a practice. We are all mortal you just happen to know about his medical weakness and whereas yours is potentially hidden.
mystikmind
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2019 06:43 pm
@Linkat,
This is a good reply, but superficiality is not necessarily something that is going to easily go away.

One time i dated a lovely girl when i was a bit overweight. She was a Buddhist and made a big issue about how it is what is inside that counts. Then i noticed a peculiar reaction in her one day when we met up with some of her friends. She quickly announced that i am on a diet.... clearly she was embarrassed to introduce an overweight bf to her friends. A few months after that she found a lame excuse to end the relationship.

The point is, all the good intentions about what is inside that counts is not something that you can force yourself to believe even though you wish you could.... You either do believe it or you do not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5SNAluOj6U
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 10:06 am
@Zahraaa,
If you’re interested in dating someone who others find attractive, then spare him the heartache and break it off. If that’s not what you want, then stop listening to those shallow individuals and live your life on your own terms. Some people will find fault with others for all kinds of reasons. Appearences should not be a high criteria.

If he’s a good dresser, and pays attention to how he looks, that should matter. Bottom line is how he treats you and vice versa. Be happy and make him happy. Stop listening to the shallow. There’s way too many that don’t have your best interest at heart.
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Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 11:57 am
@Zahraaa,
Furthermore, there are many of us survivors of cancer. Being in remission from cancer can result in a very full and healthy life. Don’t concern yourself with circumstances that may never be an issue.
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maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Fri 22 Mar, 2019 12:53 pm
@Zahraaa,
Quote:
I love him and i think we complement each other very well but i hear comments about how ugly he is and that i can do better.


This is the line that jumped out at me. How can an attractive person possibly love someone who is ugly?

Looks are what really matter in a relationship.

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