My friend is cutting herself.. advice?

There's been a lot of talk about this of late. Here's a link to the latest - with an article:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=49894&highlight=

I think of 'cutting' as a cry for help. She may have bouts of depression, she may have gone of meds which helped her with depression. She may have serious intent and may not. I think that you should consider telling a school counselor about your friend - perhaps anonamously.

Ok thanks for the link... I dunno if I should tell a counselor because she has been to a doctor before and it seems that just made her feel even worse... It seems like she thinks that no one cares about her and I've been trying to be the best friend I can be but I'm just one person whose not very close to her. I think its more that her parents make her feel that way.

I agree that her issues probably stem from her relationship to her parents. I was hoping that a counselor would maybe have more flexibility in how to deal with her. The doc tells the parent and then he's done with it. The parent gets frustrated with the kid and makes matters worse. I'd hope that counselors had a better method for actually dealing with the girl's problem rather than just debriefing the parents.

Could you see a school counselor yourself to ask what you should do to help your un-named friend?

Hmmm good idea... I have never talked to my counselor before cuz I'm not into talking about personal things with some guy I don't know... but I guess that would work... and now that I think about it, there are a few adults I know at my church I could talk to also... well wish me luck

RKFan - I never really spoke with my counselor either. But, in retrosect, it seems like it would have been a good thing to do. Talking with any trusted adult would be better than nothing.

Thanks, littleK. Is there anybody else that has had experiences like this before?

Like I said on the other thread, I knew a girl a looong time ago who cut herself. I knew nothing of the whole concept and was a little younger than her. I had no idea what to do. There was a teenaged girl on here a while back, named santanaof89, who cut herself, but she hasn't been on in a while.

I know exactly how you feel. I have a friend thatim not at all close towho cuts her self. Its either a cry fo help or atentoin like in my case or its because ur body sends out chemicals to numb it when u get cut the same chemicals that make u happy. I prefer to simply tell her it wont fix any thing since her parents know and she has close friends i feel like its not my place to do any thing more.

Oh that is interesting about the chemicals. I know depression can be caused by some kind of chemical imbalance.

Things are getting better though. These last few days were her lowest in a while but she seemed to be in a good mood today.

If you want to hear a few... well a lot in fact.... real life stories then log yourself ontwo www.thestudentroom.co.uk and search General Chat for "Self Harm"

It's a forum i used to use a lot, mostly teens and uni students, and someone started a thread about self harm. It's about 20 pages long and while it's incredibly uncomfortable to read, if you want to understand how your friend feels then it might be worth it.

Good luck xx

Hello RKfan,

There are a number of self injury forums on the web. Some are monitored for safety and some are not. Some allow graphic descriptions and pictures and some do not. My personal choice for myself as a friend&family member and for my daughter as someone who self injures is the 'Bodies Under Siege' board at this link:

http://buslist.org/phpBB/

It is a monitored forum that has numerous boards, including a separate board for friends and family support.

Hey RKF, sounds very familiar. I have gone through some pretty serious depressions in my life, and occasionally when i was younger would hurt myself. i know how stupidit sounds and i don't like to admit to it, but it sounds like u could use the info. You need to realize that you really can only do so much to help. and unfortunately, even if she seems better at times, in a good mood somedays, she will most likely just spiral down again. in my experience it is almost always apattern. it may even be a pattern in her family, like i found out that my mom had been depressed and cut herself as a teenager too, and i seem to have gotten the same tendencies to moodiness and self-loathing. as you said, the cutting is an attempt at getting attention, because (in my experience) of an over-whelming sense of isolation. You said she seemed to have it all together... so did i on the outside, and that is part of that feeling of isolation. everyone sees you as being together and in control, and inside you're falling apart with no way to ask for help. The cutting seems like the only way to manifest your pain on the outside so that someone may realize how much you hurt on the inside.

The bottom line for you is, don't get sucked in. she needs a lot of help and you have your own life, so take care of yourself. You can be there for her, but don't take her happiness on as your responsibility, because absolutely no one can give her happiness. She will have to find the strength in herself to learn to stop hurting herself. And she will want to think that someone else can fix it for her, but they can't. If she learns to depend on you looking out for her, then when you aren't around, she'll just slip back into her depression again. She needs a counselor or else to find an outlet for her sadness. I use artwork as a relief valve, to put my sadness into pictures since I can't put it into words; other people find writing or other forms of expression to be a relief. Good luck, and let me kn ow if you ever need to talk about what's going on with her.

That is a wise and kind post, Dora17, for both RKfan and her friend.

Thanks everyone, especially Dora, for the info. Ummm not much updates about the situation, I'll take everything you all said into consideration if I do get an opportunity to talk to her. Thanks again!