Need advice quick ! Can anyone help me please ?

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Hi all,

6 months ago I came out of a 10 year relationship and after a couple of awkward one night stands I find myself meeting a really nice woman. She's a similar age, intelligent, pretty, funny and we get on really well. What could be better I ask you. However, (and isn't there always a however ?), I've arranged to meet up with her 3 times now and each time she's either cancelled (with a nice apology and a request for another date) or we've not quite met up due to being with different groups of friends and missing each other despite me sending numerous texts telling her where I am. You know, I don't know if it's just me, but if you arrange to meet up with someone surely you should make the effort and be there. I spoke to a mutual friend about it and she said that this girl can be "flighty". Hmm...

Last week I was supposed to be meeting her and the same thing happened, I sent texts, she texted back to say that she would meet me later and then nothing. At 3 in the morning I get a text saying that her phone has died and that she was upset to have missed me. She knew where I was, why didn't she come looking for me ? She was only a couple of pubs away.

Now it gets complicated.. I had pretty much given up on her on Friday night and was asked out by a very girl who I work with. Being annoyed and seeing as we really didn't have a relationship, I agreed and I ended up back at her place. Now this girl is very (and I mean very) keen and I feel terrible. She wants me to go round all the time, meet her during work, etc., etc. I don't want that sort of heavy relationship but she thinks I do. I don't want to be going down that road with someone I'm don't have a lot in common with, but I don't want to spend my life waiting in pubs for a girl who never arrives...

Please, please, please, tell me what to do Sad

Thanks

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Remember, you--not the flighty gal, not the keen gal--decide what sort of relationship you want.

You're a bachelor with only six month's experience in being footloose and fancy free. The rule of thumb is that you need at least two years of being single before you should think about forming commitments.

Tell the flighty gal that her casual ways are annoying. Ask her straight out whether she's trying to let you down gently. If she is, this isn't great for your ego, but better a clear understanding than weeks or months of frustration.

As for the keen gal, explain that you are still recovering from your previous relationship and that in fairness to her--as well as too yourself--you can't get heavily involved right now.

Don't speculate--take charge.

Welcome to A2k.

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Thanks Noddy, thought provoking stuff. It's so easy to get tied up in the detail and not step back and have a second look. I'll give your advice a go.

Thanks again for replying, being a bloke, I don't have many friends I can these sorts of conversations with. Appreciate it.

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I don't know quite how solid that 2 year rule is, though there is some wisdom to it. Certainly it is smart to have a recovery period after a relationship to adjust to yourself by yourself and not lurch into another relationship from a swirl of confused needs and resentments.

There is another matter though, the business of fooling around with someone at work. That's frowned on in many businesses, and even if it isn't, is widely considered a pretty dumb move for good reasons (though in my own past I've been involved with people at work with no regrets).

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At my last company I was in a couple of relationships, none in this one as I've only been there for 5 years and I was with my ex throughout that time. The company doesn't mind relationships, not officially anyway. To be honest I think I'm just scared to go out with someone so soon after my ex. Having said that, they're both lovely girls and I don't want to pass up an opportunity I'll not have again. Hmm...(thinks) A whiskey would be good right now..

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Need advice quick ! Can anyone help me please ?

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