Thu 24 Jan, 2019 01:41 pm
So I'm 23, I have 3 brothers and I am the only girl.
When I was 7 years old I was sexually abused by my grandad(mothers dad). I eventually got the courage to tell my parents at the age of 12 however when I told them nothing was done about it, in fact they moved closer to where they live , continued to allow my siblings to stay there and continued relationships with him and my nana (who has stuck by him also). This continued for many years but I did not communicate with them anymore until I was lied to and told that he had admitted doing wrong (I then spoke to them for about 1 year as I felt isolated and wanted a family again however this ended once I found out that he was never questioned about what he did. My mother was hen asked to make the decision: me or him. Surprisingly after numerous rows she chose me but continues to speak to her mother. I then moved away after getting a degree and have settled with my fiancé for a positive future. But back home things are toxic, my mother and father have divorced and moved in to seperate houses and got new partners, my Mam is a completely different person and it was her choice to drastically end the marriage, she went from being a sort of caring mother to a complete selfish one who still thinks she is 20 years old reluctant to accept her age and act like a supportive mother and potential in years to come grandmother! Additionally my younge brother has a physco girlfriend who has complete control over him (I won't go too much in to that) but he has no friends anymore and isn't allowed to even look at another girl. The family don't like her and she has ultimately caused him to fall out with me, my dad and my dads family and of course my mother is jumping on the bandwagon as she hates my dad. Now my mother has said she can move in with her, my brother and my youngest brother whilst she goes to uni there. I feel my mother only wants this because she used my brother for child care of my youngest brother, in which has resulted in him not even bothering to look for a job and my mother not encouraging him for her own benefit of guaranteed child care. My youngest brother has also informed me that she bullies him when my mother isn't there(telling him what to do all the time). My older brother was highly dependent on my mother but since she has changed in to a "reborn 20 year old wearing ridiculous chlorine for her age)" she has neglected him and he he has ended up living in supportive living for mental health rehabilitation. I'm due to get married next year but I feel my whole family is a disaster now
I'm concerned for my brothers and I feel empty without a family although iv felt this way since telling my parents about the abuse , it now seems worse. Is there anything that I could do as I can't even bear to visit them anymore?
Try to look outside of your family for the nurturing you desire, since they all seem like they have issues you did not cause and can’t cure.
Perhaps joining a group or church would put you into a setting where elderly couples would enjoy your company.
A girlfriend could help you plan your wedding.
Your wedding day is between you and your husband, not a time to psychologically repair your family.