Gay Marriage Ban in Massachusetts

ehmm ... this was about the civic ceremony, at city hall, you know? Which is also when the marriage is officially registered. So it has to be done by the civil servant 'on duty' at the time.

A civil servant, in Frysia I believe, refused to do this part of his job - and was (rather overzealously, I find) threatened with dismissal. He went to court about it, supported by the small Christian Union political party I think - I don't know what the outcome was. (Personally I don't really see why that kind of opting out should be a problem - they can arrange another civil servant to take over, right? <shrugs>)

Justice rejects group's bid to nix same-sex marriages

By Elisabeth J. Beardsley
Tuesday, May 4, 2004

A justice on the state's high court rejected a request to delay the landmark gay marriage ruling as ``simply unreasonable'' yesterday, likely clearing the way for same-sex weddings to begin in two weeks.

Supreme Judicial Court Justice Roderick Ireland denied the Massachusetts Catholic Action League's request for a stay, saying people who aren't party to the case have no right to intervene.

MCAL's leader C.J. Doyle had claimed the onset of gay marriage would disenfranchise him from voting on a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage in 2006.

But Ireland dismissed the alleged injury as ``speculative and remote,'' saying it's not clear whether lawmakers will even approve the amendment next year, or what its fate might be with voters.

``Why should same-sex couples, who have been determined to have the right to marry under the Massachusetts Constitution as it exists here and now, be required to wait to exercise that right?'' wrote Ireland, presiding as a single justice.

The Catholic Action League's lawyer vowed to appeal to the full court, insisting that the court overstepped its jurisdictional bounds and that voters should have the final say. ``The process should not be interrupted by having the outcome determined before the vote,'' Chester Darling said.

But gay activists said it was ``preposterous'' to think the court would have said ``oops'' after already issuing two strongly worded opinions favoring gay marriage.

One legal challenge remains - a lawsuit by lawmakers who claim the SJC usurped their authority on marriage.

There's Kyle, who's concluded that she's no longer interested in women. But then she meets and falls in love with Max, a transgender male who used to be be Anita -- an old girlfriend of Kyle's. Judy's friends are disturbed to find that gender doesn't make you who you are -- a fact proven to them when Judy transitions into Ted -- a man who still retains Judy's personality. Loren's girlfriend feels that by confronting Loren's female to male transition with him allowed her to realize being male isn't that far away for her either. Michael, who gave birth to three children feels that gender is a big cosmic joke: women and men are supposed to get along and yet they seem so different. Only transsexuals seem to know both worlds.

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Boy oh boy. As if same-sex marriages aren't tough enough for some people to sort out in their heads. Good luck to you and Billie, Sam.

Thanks for the good wishes for Sam and me. I should let you know that I was trained in Special Warfare by the US Army. I'm an ex-Pathfinder that is an honorary member of the Royal Thai Special Forces and was with the 101st Airborne Division as well, from Oct 11,1967 through Oct 11, 1968. I'm the only woman member of the Pathfinder Association. (For more information about the US Pathfinders, please go to US Airborne Pathinders) I was all over Vietnam and just learned that I had "earned" four battle stars, including one for the Tet Offensive of '68, when our unit rode though Saigon on tanks. I was also the first person from the 101st's 1st brigade to go into A Shau Valley and make it, dropping 20 feet from a helicopter,into a bomb crater with a radio on my back and bringing in the other helicopters.

Why do I mention this? Simply to show that as a 100% service connected combat veteran, I earned my benefits over 35 years ago. With federal law being what it is, Sam and I cannot legally marry. This means that she isn't allowed the same benefits as a spouse of a hetrosexual veteran is a similar situation.

When I went for help from the VA regarding PTSD, the psych staff was more concerned about my transitioning than what I was really there for. After being passed from one therapist and intern to another for a year, like Frog Girl in a side-show without getting paid for it, I had enough. The final straw was a bigotted, pompous psychologist that "had written a paper while in college about you people". When I asked to see it, I was brushed of and told, "It's not important to your case." That arrogant attitude sent me home in tears, where I spent over four hours trying to write a letter to his supervisor.

I had to go up the ladder to see the hospital's Chief of Staff. This was NOT how I did things in the Army. It grated on me to see each person, instead of being allowed to go directly to him. In service, I could go directly to the Battalion, Brigade or even Division Commanders as I saw fit. I wasn't used to "Chain of Command."

When I finally met him, a few months later, I wasn't too surprised at his condescending, defensive attitude. After seeing my file on his desk, we got straight to the nitty-gritty. I explained that there wasn't any continuity of service and that staff focussed on the wrong issues. When they did ask about Vietnam, I told the truth. Yet they acted as though I was lying and wondered what books I had read and movies I'd seen about the war. I mentioned that they had no idea of what about "Gender Identification Dysphoria" or GID, as they call being trans. Nor did they have the slightist idea of Native American culture and our spiritual beliefs, saying I had visual and auditory haluciations, when I spoke of having Visions...a spiritual experience for us.

After almost an hour, he was willing to refer me to the University of Minnesota's Deptartment for Human Sexuality. I rejected the idea since I was already using an outside therapist. This therapist is mentioned as a leader in the field by that department! He then said that he thought I was trying to do my own case management and I replied, " If you had read my file, you'd know that I have a BS in Voc Rehab. I have worked professionaly in that field as a case manager!" I then added,"I can forgive ignorance and you and your staff definitely are ignorant." Noticing his veins popping out of his head and his white knuckles as he grabbed the arms of his chair, I the defined ignorance as " a mere lack of knowledge or understanding of something." This relaxed him a bit, until I added, "I cannot forgive stupidity and you and your staff are obviously stupid. You've had a year to learn about my transition, special warfare and the Native American culture, but your staff has refused. That makes them stupid, refusing to learn. Your condoning this, puts you in the same category!" He took several slow, deep breaths and regained enough composure to escort me to the door. His last words to me were, "I wish you well in this." His smile was a professional smile of of relief. However, for three years, I had a "flag' on my files as a troublemaker.

I guess what I am saying is, the VA isn't very accepting of us yet. Policy says all veterans are to be treated with respect and dignity. Proceedure varies from facility to facility and is often different from policy.

Do I regret my transition? Hell no! This is easier that the year in Vietnam. Besides, I've got the best partner in the whole world, Sam. I also have my 79 year old Mom, that we are taking out to dinner tonight. Seems that my brothers and sisters are too busy for her. In addition, my Lakota extended family and all of the rest of my extended family more than replace those that can't deal with their garbage about my transition.

There are a lot of legal remifications of a marriage. For those of you who don't know me, let me state first that I am definitely NOT homophobic, but there are a lot of legal problems that need to be worked out. (I am thinking of the legal benefits of marriage.)

If gays are to marry and receive legal benefits, what about a mother and daughter that live together? What about two brothers? Two friends who want to live together permanently?

Some might say that the difference would be a sexual relationship. Well then, what about an elderly widow and widower who want to marry? They may not have a sexual relationship, yet they are permitted marriage.

I am all for gays having the same legal rights as straights as far as legal ramifications are concerned, but I like the idea of a "domestic partnership", rather than a marriage.

In fact, maybe the term. "domestic partnership" might be one that could include all sorts of couples, including a man and a woman. The only criteria would be is that the two people would have the same rights and RESPONSIBILITIES as in a conventional marriage.

I think that "marriage" carries with it a lot of historical "baggage", that could not be discarded easily!

Sure we could get legally married anywhere if she would just that she is male but that is just not right. I want to marry the woman I love not some poor guy trying to be something he's not.

With federal law being what it is, Sam and I cannot legally marry.

I really believe that love transcends sex, gender and physical limitations.

In the best, and truest, of relationships we love the person, not their wrappings.

ugh...gay marrying...so gross![/quote

Rob,

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however they should be considerate enough to explain their stance on their beliefs. Your comments leave too much room for speculation and imagination. They could range from an extreme ignorance of the fact that not many off the gay population would even want to "hit on you" to having been in a bad homosexual relation and are still tasting the bitterness of it. Or it could be just looking at or imagining the physical thing and saying "Yuck."

I know some gay men and women that tried to deny who and what they are, only to be disappointed in "straight" relationships. Conversely, I know several "straight" people that have experimented with same sex relationships and were disappointed. I am who and what I am. Should I be denied the basic human right to marry the person of my choice, just because people think that only men and women should be married? I don't think so.

Tribal cultures, even from Europe before the Roman conquest had same sex marriages. Here in the Americas, same sex relationships were not uncommon, until Christians escaping persecution, began persecuting us. Crazy Horse even had a Winkte wife. (See Sam's definition of Winkte. Translated literally from Lakota, "neither man nor woman.") We did and still do hold a special role within traditional Native American communities.

One last comment, what business is it of anyone regarding what happens in our own bedroom? Are you asked if you're straight, bi-sexual,gay, male or female? I am and use it to explain about who and what I am, hopefully, I do it in a way that makes a person think and maybe change their outlook on things.

Hopefully, you'll come to understand that what a person looks like or even gender has nothing to do with love. I fell in love with Sam, not whether she was male or female, but that "She's the best thing to ever happen to you.", according to my 79 year old Mom. My two ex-wifes couldn't get around my being transexual and I tried hard to deny who and what I am...for 44 years. I don't need to defend my lifestyle to anyone, not am I trying to convert you to it. I wouldn't and don't have the right, like some try to do it with me. As I'm often heard to say, "I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. I know what it's like, but I wouldn't swap it for anything."

I guess that I firmly believe in equality for everyone. Like my dad said, "Skin us all, we're the same." The US Constitution states "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all", it doesn't say that some are more equal than others. That's from George Orwell's Animal Farm. A book I suggest that you read.

Thanks for giving me a chance to possibly open your eyes to more of the world than you may know about.

I don't understand this. Why can't you legally mary at this time?

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Why, because we are both women. Billie is legally a woman and I came female. In many states same sex marriage is a big NO NO. The Bush is pushing to make the ban on same sex marriage nation wide with a Constitutional amendment. Here in Wisconsin we are fighting to prevent the same type of amendment to the state Constitution.
This whole thing boils down to either accepting that there are differences in the way people live or rejecting those differences and making laws against those people. Note I said those people. There are members of AMVES Post 1998, here in Hayward, who's wives go to VA dentists, see VA Dr's, and have PX and commisay privileges; just because they are heterosexual couples. I won't tell you how long it's been since I saw a dentist except on the street.
GLBTs, (gay, lesbian bisexual and transgender/ transsexual) are people too. All we want is to get on with our lives just like everyone else. We want to marry the ones we love and be at least reasonably happy ever after or for as long as is humanly possible. Is that too much to ask?

Sorry if that sounded intense, emotional or angry. Try to take it aa emphatic. OK? :

Sam