SCIENCE JOKES

Three native American women in the same village gave birth on the same day.
The native American woman on a bison skin gave birth to a baby boy.
The native American woman on an elk skin also gave birth to a baby boy.
But the native American woman on a hippopotamus skin gave birth to TWIN baby boys.

This demonstrates that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Damn. . . haven't heard that joke in a LONG time. . .maybe 20 years ago my old man told it to me. . .

Yeah well with a joke you either make it up or you repeat it or you remember it and they do say, there's no such thing as a new joke but I'm not too sure about that exactly.
So do you remember any other jokes, Turner?

Okay okay, so it's an old joke. This is the science joke thread right? It's archeology.

So a donut walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"What's your sign?"
And the donut says, "Torus".

*grin*

*grin*

So a neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
And the bartender says,
"For you, no charge."

*double grin*

These kind of jokes would have made studying for biology much easier...

There was this physicist who was in the habit of getting home quite late. One time, he came home at 2:30 a.m. with a torn shirt, lipstick on his collar, hair messed up, and generally looking like hell. His
wife caught him coming in the door and demanded to know why he came home so late.

His story:

"Well, after I quit work for the day, a few friends and I went out to the bar for a few drinks. We met up with some rather good-looking young women, and started to drink to excess; things just kept happening, as you can well see. I sobered up enough to note how late it was, so I rushed home."

She said, "YOU LIAR!! YOU WERE IN THE LAB AGAIN, WEREN'T YOU???!!!"

An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to keep the sun dark if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.

The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal".

"Great", the astronomer replies.

The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's been looking forward to it, we're going to wait until after the eclipse."

McT - got a bunch at home, but none on tap right now. Sorry.

Okay here's one, not too scientific, but the Africa/ eclipse one above reminded me of it:

Explorers going through the jungle in cannibal territory, with native guides and bearers.
They hear drums in the distance, which worries them; so they ask the guides if the drums mean bad news.

"Not so bad now. Very bad when drums stop beating."

-"Why then?"

"After drums comes bass solo."

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the
windshields for airliners, military jets and the space shuttle to simulate
the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on their
new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the
engineers.

When the gun was fired, the checken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into
the shatter-proof shield and smashed it to smithereens, blasted thru the
control console, snapped an engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself
in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results and begged the US
scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost the chicken."

au1929, the way that story was told over here, the whole thing happened in America. It was supposed to have been a compressed-air device at Boeing.

I wonder which, if any, was correct.

The birds would have to have feathers on them anyway, not like oven-ready.

Sorry no joke today.

haha!!~~~~~!@@~~~@

I once saw this posted somewhere but forgot, so I'll now proceed to make it up 20% from memory 80% from scratch

Valid ways to prove something the scientific way:

Proof by confusion: "If y is x then c is a but if b ate c then d would still be the quantum inheritor of x, which my data shows, is t without the w element. Therefore, P is true."

Proof by violence: "P is true. If anyone has any objections, I'll shoot you."

Proof by matter-of-fact: "P is true. Anyone who can't see it should go back to elementary school."

Proof by blatant denial: "... therefore P is true." "But professor, in step 16 of your proof, the y should be negative, not positive." :: stealthily wipes the blackboard clean :: "y? What y? Where do you see a y? You need glasses, boy."

Proof by Circular Logic: "If P is false then X would be true. If X were true, Y would be false. if Y were false, P would be false. Therefore, P is true."

Proof by Complex Terminology: "The eco-semiplatetectonic movement of the unilateral-quantum-mechanical value is zero. Therefore, P is true."

Proof by Abstraction: "The summer swans are basking in the sunlight of our morality. Therefore, P is true."

All I can think of right now

WAITRESS:Do you want coffee or tea?
COMPUTER PROGRAMMER:True.

Mithie: those would be funny if I didn't see them so often.

I once had a philosophy T.A. who was a hardcore, everything in the bible is true sort of christian. He tried to teach us that circular logic is useful and valid -in certain cases.- Then he gave me a B instead of an A on my test because on one question I wrote the proof for god was "insubstantial" and he said that I should have written "lacking evidence."

Sheesh.

An atom is speaking to other ,

atom ( A ) : I think I lost an electron.

atom ( B ) : are you sure ?

atom ( A) : I'm positive.