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Is this normal behaviour?

 
 
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 03:37 pm
I’m a SAHM of four kids 1-6 and another due in less than two weeks. I feel completely taken advantage of by my husband, when he gets home he sits on video games and refuses to lift a finger, if I ask him to do anything he complains about it. I’ve tried to re-enter the work field and it ended up being to difficult as I had to figure out child care, child care expenses, pick up drop offs etc. Absolutely anything that involved the kids I had to figure out, it ended up being to much pressure and I had to quit. He’s always been able to work since I’ve always been made to be the stay at home parent and he refused to take a single day off. He’s off every weekend and again sits on vids, when I ask to go out I’m deemed selfish, or I have to work around their nap time to ensure he doesn’t have to parent “solo”.. is this normal for a SAHM to deal with from a spouse? I feel completely taken advantage of.. but unsure if I’m just actually being “selfish” with wanting to visit family for a couple hours a weekend without kids.. plz note his car broke down, and now he uses mine and I have no car to go out during his work hours.
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 04:11 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
Based on your previous posts this is nothing new, so don’t understand your surprise or wonderment as to whether this is “normal”.

It’s apparently been your normal for years.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 04:14 pm
When was this gal --> https://able2know.org/topic/346661-1#post-6279380 replaced by a doormat?
Ksawchuk1991
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 04:20 pm
@jespah,
When It seemed he had changed... then changed again...
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 07:11 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
Not that it’s any of my business, but I can still express what I’m thinking regarding your post.

You are going to have given birth to FIVE children within a span of 6 years. I have to wonder why you would have had so many kids within such a short amount of time with someone who at one point didn’t even work. Even in the best of times he didn’t seem like a catch.

I’m not bashing you. Really. How many kids you have is your problem. I am sincerely curious about what was going through your head. Babies don’t “just happen”. You mentioned something at one point putting your kids in Catholic school, so I guess that’s your religion. However, I was raised in the RC religion and honestly? I did not know one other Catholic woman who didn’t practice BC.

If you wanted that many kids, fine. But if someone is going to have th at many they need to have someone around who will consistently support them above a minimal standard.

If he’s working now and providing enough money, and you pay that much attention to what the pope says, then I guess you’ll have to follow what he says about marriage, regardless of how normal anyone thinks it is.

You brought 5 people into this world, so fair and normal may not apply. They’ve got to be feed and clothed as priority number 1.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 07:27 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
Ksawchuk1991 wrote:
his car broke down, and now he uses mine and I have no car to go out during his work hours.


why does he have a key for your car?

you're popping kids out in a pretty determined way. time to get determined about other parts of your life and for pete's sake, stop having children until YOU figure out how YOU are going to support them for the next 20 - 30 years.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 07:39 pm
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:


you're popping kids out in a pretty determined way.



Laughing

I love that.


That reminds me of something an old (female) friend of mine said.

It was regarding a guy I had had a long term relationship with, and we remained on friendly terms for quite a few years afterwards. He had moved, married, had kids, to after a while it was pretty much friendly type "hope you're well" emails for birthdays and such.

At one point he was telling me their marriage was flailing, and they weren't sleeping together, etc (not trying to get back together with me, we had both moved on, married, etc). Then, when he was thinking of ending it, another baby would come along (there were 3)

When I told my friend that story, her response put things in perspective. She said "They're not sleeping together? What, does he get lost on the way to the bathroom at night?"

0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 12 Jan, 2019 04:52 am
@Ksawchuk1991,
You've had years of him being irresponsible, and that's the nicest thing anyone can say about him. EhBeth is right-- YOU will be supporting enough kids for a basketball team. He won't.

And get your car keys back from him. Fer chrissakes, he's a grown man. He can take the bus or buy a used station car. He's another kid for you. But he is old and strong enough to do things for himself. But he won't, because you swoop in and save his lazy ass every single time.

Stop doing that, if you ever want anything to change.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 13 Jan, 2019 05:22 pm
Go talk to your parish priest about this man’s behavior as a husband. Someone needs to kick his butt.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jan, 2019 05:29 pm
I've gone back and reread the original thread.

Sweet Jesus. Why in the world did you think having another child with him was a good idea? I pity your children.

Get yourself a job - get out of the relationship and smarten up. You are not a child anymore - you should know better by now.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jan, 2019 07:22 pm
@ehBeth,
You and I are of one mind on this Beth.

Who I pity also are the children. Even if this woman does get out and get a job....and what kind of job is she going to get that both supports these people, and pay child care, and isn't going to mentally and physically exhaust her?

I foresee a below poverty existence for all, including sub standard health care, continuing the cycle of poverty, neglected education, and a thousand other slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, mostly visited upon the kids.

If she stays, not much better.

See some priest? Jesus wept. Just more advise made of pablum.

I remember as a child, something going on with one of my brothers. I'm positive it wasn't even bad. I seem to remember it being over him wanting to grow his hair 1/2 longer, or wearing one of those suede fringed jackets that were popular then.

I remember one afternoon this huge silence, shock, because my parents had decided to "take him over to the priest to talk some sense into him"

Even then, I was probably about 8, I remember thinking that was such bullshit.

0 Replies
 
 

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