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What the hell am i here for?

 
 
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2016 08:32 pm
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years we have 3 kids ages 4 3 1. Ive always wanted to get married. He has always said one day.mmaybe....no.. I dont but kinda wanna give up.. Why was i good enough to pop out his kids be his maid his cook etc.. I pay everything for our kids and home all household bills kids needs his needs and mine i put money into our kids college funds he only paya his personal stuff. His beer, his phone bill. Thats it i pay gas hydro rent etc. He also only buys his lunch food for work weekly while i pay for all dinmers kids lunches etc family meals. This is getting frusterating... I kind of am starting to feel used.. He often picks on my 3 yr old which is our only son. Hes hyper, playful, busy etc while our daughters are very lazy and laid back so i find myself sticking up for my son as he is ALWAYS getting in trouble for dumb stuff.. EG- he tried to bemd his little army guys legs and ended up breaking it so my bf says "why the **** does he break everything im just gunna break it all right now and get it over with" yesterday was my boys bday so he got new toys. I obv stated to my bf, his dad that the comment given was going to far.. Hes a little boy he dont realize his own strenth.. Anyways. He dont lift a finger around here, parent any kids properly, has a huge anger issue im NOT ALLOWED to speak about or else.., like wtf do i do.. Im starting to resent him. I gave him a life that he asked for and wanted given he was a boy living at his dads at age 35.. Im 25.. Like hes a man child.. And im the one holding it all down for someone who refuses to marry me cuz he says i dont have future goals.. Well like right now im a mother 24.7.
 
View best answer, chosen by Ksawchuk1991
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2016 09:19 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
No wonder he's sticking around. He's a free loader with free room and board, sex, and you have been the partner in it. Sort of late complaining about it, don't you think?
FOUND SOUL
  Selected Answer
 
  3  
Reply Sat 1 Oct, 2016 11:04 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
Just looking at this. You were 18 then with two children when you met a guy who was 35 then living with his dad. Lived off his dad. Now lives off you. It must have been a hard struggle at 18. 7 years is a long time to get same old but worse i guess he drinks alot and then gets abbusive. You are only 25. Time to spend your money on you and the kids. Getting him out of thr house is another thing. Out of your life worse as you boyh have a child. But you know thst he won't marry you and regardless on where he spends his .oney it is him thst has no goals and no money... really think about this and your life
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 05:35 am
@Ksawchuk1991,
End it. Work it out with the courts as to custody, etc. If you feel he will abuse your son, then make sure his visitations are supervised.

Life does not have to be this way.
0 Replies
 
Ksawchuk1991
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 06:11 am
@cicerone imposter,
Sure little late to think about it.. ? Really? I have 3 kids im trying to make the best decision for i dont wanna c them unhappy. We broke up long time ago and he moved to his dads and the kids never seen him. Literally. So i guess ive stayed cuz i dont want my babies to miss out.
Ksawchuk1991
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 06:12 am
@FOUND SOUL,
I was 18 when i met him i didnt have children. We had children 2 ish yrs into our relationship
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 08:55 am
@Ksawchuk1991,
Ksawchuk1991 wrote:
So i guess ive stayed cuz i dont want my babies to miss out.


really? you want your children influenced by this man?

I'd think you would want to make sure he didn't spend more time with them until he took some courses on parenting.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  3  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 09:14 am
Make him pull his weight financially and emotionally or:

Get out.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 03:51 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
Sorry about the spelling. On my phone. Ok but you also said that your boyfriend swore and suggested that he break all his son's toys. Don't you think your child feels that about him? Wouldn't it be better to laugh alone and give love to your kids and along the way find a better man that will do the same? If he drinks and becomes abbusive they see that too. How will that effect their future.
Krumple
 
  2  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 04:03 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Found,

She's in a bad situation and knows what she "should" do but that is too hard. Too many feelings there. She puts up with misery because no misery is worse. She should have known a 35 year old living with dad when they met was a sign of his personality. He has issues gone ignored, now three kids in she's finally realising this was probably a mistake.

She has a choice to make. Tell him to do his part or you will leave to find a man who will. His choice now. Or don't say anything and nothing will magically change.
cicerone imposter
 
  3  
Reply Sun 2 Oct, 2016 06:36 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
And the children's future. If they think this is normal, their future is ruined.
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2016 03:26 pm
@Krumple,
This is so familiar out there. 18. Safety? Someone to love. And then at 25 she matures and says noooooo. Where there is a will, there is a way.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Mon 3 Oct, 2016 03:29 pm
@cicerone imposter,
My point exactly. Better to offer a 80 percent chance of a normal life as the dad may choose to remain in their lives than 100 percent being bought up in un happiness and watching and feeling abuse around you. Hope the op makes the right decision
0 Replies
 
Ksawchuk1991
 
  5  
Reply Tue 4 Oct, 2016 07:20 am
Im just replying to this so everyone has the chance to know the outcome and that all of you helped me to realize that this is not normal. Please understand when i met him he was in trouble for theft as thats why he was living with his father. I was also living with my mother at the time,he has never been in a serious relationship besides with me so i didnt see a reason for him to move from his dads. Anyways, i grww up in a seriously abusive home also so at 18 the vicious fights were not normal but something everyone "goes threw" your replies helped me see that this isnt okay. Ive failed tremendously as a mother and i feel enormous guilt daily for this. As an UPDATE, ive given him the boot! The other day he said im the one whom wanted the 3 kids back to back which isnt true it was both of our choices. So with that i simple stated to him that if im the one who wanted them then ill be the one solely caring for them. He said to me "if you think you will ever get sole custody ill empty my dads bank accounts to make sure that doesnt happen you will be sitting on a curb with a backpack when courts over". He has been charged he plead guilty against his lawters advice 3 months ago to domestic assault toward me. So with that i will automatically recieve sole physical custody. As ontario laws state,also with myself being the sole provider and caregiver since birth. He said he hates me because im the one who made him have a lawyer fee by calling the police on him to begin with when yhe assault happened and i refused to help him pay it. I dont see it as my job, also. I previously asked him to take the winter off work and he said that living on e.i plus other monthly contributions he recieves isnt enough and his 100.00 weekly pay from work he isnt happy missing out on to take the time to fix our relationship (winter is layoff. He does shop work which i asked him to stay home) he then told me he would only stay home and miss out on 100/wk if i gave him his 400.00 child support back that the courts automatically deduct per weekly pay during season. I myself am on o.w(embarrassing) bc he he has told me numerous times he will never support me. And he doesnt seem to actually be sure he wants to be with the kids and i. Hes very unsteady on what he wants. He also told me he cant stand being here(home) with me and cant stand me as a person. So thatw was the final straw. You all helped me to realize i knew what i should do but gave me thecourage and feedback to do it. Its justme and my babies and with that im going to strive and do as i can for just us(i dont speak to my parents and sibling and never had friends since he chased them all away as they couldnt stand the way i was treated even infront of people). So thank you all.
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Tue 4 Oct, 2016 03:17 pm
@Ksawchuk1991,
Be proud of your decision. Take care of you and your babies. X
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Oct, 2016 06:40 am
@Ksawchuk1991,
The guy is a classic narcissist. Narcissists can't, and don't want to be 'fixed' so you made the right choice.
Glad to hear you are free of him.

Wish you all the best K,
Leadfoot
0 Replies
 
 

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