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new guy wants time to figure things out

 
 
Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 12:28 pm
I've been talking to this guy for three months now. We have been just casually dating, I know that I was not the only one he was seeing and I was okay with that. A week ago he tells me that he likes me a lot and has strong feelings and that he comes with a lot of baggage and wants me to be sure I can handle it. He said that the past year he's been with a lot of girls just for sex but with me it's different. Now a week later he tells me that he wants to cool off on talking and that he doesn't know if we are a match and after spending more time he doesn't know if we are compatible. He said that his feelings haven't changed but he isn't sure he wants to date or if he can faithfully commit and needs time to figure things out. I just need some advice on what I should do, I am going to give him space but I'm worried he will decide this isn't want he wants. Do you think that he is taking the time to figure out if he wants to be with me or just trying to distant himself so he can end it? I'm just confused on how quickly his feelings could change.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 337 • Replies: 6
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 12:37 pm
@margovercetti,
He wants to continue having sex with a lot of different girls.

That’s it, but he’d never admit it.
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maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 12:48 pm
@margovercetti,
I don't think he is trying to end it... what he is saying is far more difficult than simply saying "I want to end it". I also don't think Punkey is correct. You were OK with casually dating, there is no reason he has to say anything for this to continue. It sounds to me he is trying to be honest.

My advice... you should figure out what you want. Do you want to have serious relationship with him? Do you want to just continue with the casual relationship you have now? Will you continue to be OK with him dating other women. If you are clear about what you want, it will be easier to have the conversation.

Then I would be direct... you can say "I want something serious, but you need to stop running around". You can also say "We can keep seeing other people if you need space...". Or you can say "I'm done here buddy, have a nice life".

You deserve to know exactly where the relationship stands. The way to figure it out is to talk directly with him.
margovercetti
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 01:53 pm
@maxdancona,
thank you so much for the advice! I'm not going to contact him and let him come to me when he's ready. Hopefully with the space we can both figure out what we want. And when that happens I think I will be ready to talk directly with him about everything.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 04:07 pm
@margovercetti,


A “player’s” gotta play. Maybe if he’s given space he will realize your value.

Let us know how things turn out.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Jan, 2019 04:13 pm
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
A “player’s” gotta play. Maybe if he’s given space he will realize your value.


Huh? What exactly is a "player" in this case? It sounds like they were both enjoying a casual relationship. I don't think either person in this story is doing anything wrong. They just need to figure out what they want and communicate with each other if they decide to be together.

Are you saying it is wrong for a woman to enjoy casual sex?
neptuneblue
 
  2  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 01:40 pm
@maxdancona,
Of course women can enjoy caual sex.

But that isn't what this guy is saying or doing. He hints at commitment yet hangs back. So it keeps OP hoping for more, if she hangs on just a little bit longer. Then he disappears, making OP wonder what really is going on. That's being a player.
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