Dadpad, you sweet thing. Thank you for expressing your appreciation. Salute right back atcha.
Now it is my bedtime.
Say goodnight Gracie.
Goodnight, sweet girl, dadpad.
Older women are strong women--the better to carry burdens gracefully.
So true, Noddy, but isn't it funny how those of us who are finely aged, perfectly seasoned, can be tripped up by our own burdens, even those from childhood?
I'm sure it's the rare child who hasn't had some kind of trauma in its early years, some forgotten, some so traumatic that they must be forgotten.
I've had both kinds, but one that continues to come back, not always unpleasantly, is the huge, amorphous bag of memories of my mentally retarded brothers.
They were 8 and 91/2 years older than I, so my percetion of them was simply my older brothers whom I loved and played with and, to my selfish regret, would boss around quite often. I got to set the rules of the games, I could talk them into anything and watch them get punished while I just stood there--sometimes admitting guilt, sometimes not.
I was born in 1943, so the stigma of having retarded relatives was very strong and to have two sons in one family was considered beyond belief. To top it off, there were two more retarded boys in my mother's family.
Yet I got to enjoy them, their gentleness, docility, theie quiet love--so my perception was far removed from the parental feeling of overwhelming responsibility, shame (shown only at home), disappointment--imagine a southern man having his first born named after him only to have the boy turn out retarded (forget that he was also human-that didn't enter into the picture my father had of the boys).
There was no name for this condition at the time, in fact it wasn't discovered until sometime in the 70's that it was a defective gene (Fragile X Syndrome) that caused mental retardation, which is why it is often found several times in the same family. This mystery disease is also the reason I was asked, at church by a nice church lady, if I thought god was punishing our family. Too polite to kick her in the legs, I turned and walked away.
This is a lengthy was of leading up to the fact that I haven't had the blood test showing whether or not I carry the fragile x chromsome.
A chance came about because of my brother in Denver. One of the major researchers in Fragile X is Randi Hagerman who used to work at Children's Hospital in Denver and who is the person who contacted me about her discovery that my brother had this chromosome.
A good example of why we all need reasons to explain the unknown, is my reaction and that of my cousins when I passed along the information. We all felt an enormous, overwhelming sense of relief, as if we had all been guilty of some crime for all those decades. I can't even come close to describing the reactions. It would sometimes stop me in my tracks only to stand there and stare blindly, thinking of the lives lived during those years and how our brothers affected each of us. Wow, we could put a name to it instead of attributing a kind of ambiguous evil, beyond our control, to something about us and our parents.
Recently, I had a chance to be tested for the Fragile X gene. What a flurry of emotions went racing through me. Reticence, curiousity, dread, scientific interest and, oddly, the fear that I would be proven mentally retarded. I know, I know, there are those who would say of course silly, didn't you know?
Then, in a friendly way, they woul ask, how could you even think such a thought?
Thing is, this is all very real. Perception is reality. That hidden fear hasn't held me back--it didn't become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it has always been there-illogical as hell, and I was very aware of the silliness.
It is entirely possible that I do carry the gene, it doesn't always mutate when passed from mother to son and my sons are very bright. There is a 50/50 chance and they won. That is also why girls seldom get it because they have two x chromosomes giving them a backup if necessary.
My brother is in a nursing home with no chance of coming out alive although I wouldn't be at all surprised it he takes a long time to die--he is one of the most physically strong men I've ever know--not muscle bound, just healthy and strong from walking all his life. The researcher who now has an institute in California, asked former colleagues in Denver to take some biopsies from Steve to see if his particular type has a tendency to senility earlier than those who are less highly functioning. They offered to send me a kit to take to my doctor's office for blood and a skin punch, which I did, but the sample deteriorated by the time it got to California.
I still don't know. I still don't want to know. I still want to know with all my heart. Why does knowing frighten me? I'm not easily frightened, I'm not a wimp, well, pain is something I don't do well, (so bring on the drugs), but for this there is nothing left to fear as I am well beyond childbearing age, yet my sons could be carriers. They both have agreed to be tested before having children--if they are carriers, all their daughters would get the gene.
Ain't life strange?
Diane
I've always admired the way you've loved and nurtured your two brothers. In addition to any defective gene, good runs in your family if you are any example
Love,
BBB
BBB in you too.
The two most interesting reactions were our overwhelming relief at learning the cause. It has always made me wonder at the need for 'reasons' regarding everything in our lives.
It's easy to understand how religion came about when you consider the unknowns our ancient ancestors lived with. To have a reason, to put a name to something that has haunted us from major disasters to the death of a child to crop failure. Give it a name and it is so much easier to accept.
The second of my reactions that never fails to amuse and bemuse me is that little speck of fear lurking in the back of my mind that I have somehow been 'infected' as well as possibly being a carrier.
Why, at 64 years old, do I still feel that slight cringe? The fear isn't nearly as strong as it once was, but it also isn't even applicable anymore, even though I tried to convince Dys that I was pregnant on April Fools last year. He wasn't having any of it. :wink:
Does Dys lack self-confidence?
BTW, did anyone see the five nude women, ages from 50s to 70s, on Oprah yesterday? Mouthwateringly beautiful!
Diane wrote:Chin hairs aside, don't you love Andy Rooney?
Andy Rooney On Older Women
Older Women Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few reasons why."
An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.
An older single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!
Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.
An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.
A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.
An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.
Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 70 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.
I am SO loving Andy Rooney! Is he married?
Just for the record - Andy Rooney did not write that:
Snopes.com
Welcome eyelet! I think it might have been Green Witch who informed me of the mistake when I first copied the article to a2k.
It really doesn't sound like Andy Rooney, does it? Still, its sentiments are lovely and, as Benjamin Franklin wrote in his piece, "...women are so grateful." (What and old goat he was!)
Don't desair. Many men share the view that older women have something unique to offer as do those of us who are already there know quite well.
I confess that I'm approaching this appreciation of older women very superficially. I just think they're sexy.
Diane--
The older I get the more I appreciate the practical symbolism of a spiral. Every time I revisit either a time in my past life or and area of my present life, I earn new insights and understandings.
Perhaps one of the obscure reasons you're holding off on the genetic testing is that you don't want to be piggish and intrude in an area that has always belonged to your brothers?
Good Little Girls don't poach. Good Little Girls respect boundaries.
Of course, I could be way, way off base.
JLN, every older man who is superficial in the way you're superficial, is sexy indeed.
Noddy, I'm afraid my motives are not so pure as you imagine. I was glad to get away and have a life of my own and I didn't want to even think I could also be mentally retarded (before I understood the nature of the beast). I actually told my older, more highly functioning brother, that I also had Fragile X so that he wouldn't feel so alone. He was relieved.
The whole subject is so tangled and complex that it would be impossible to make sense of it now--too many personalities, coincidental situations, motivations, mores at the time, a few years of poverty--you know exactly what I'm talking about--that inexplicable thing called life.
So what I tend to focus on are the reactions of adult siblings to having this in our lives, the guilt of our mothers who were 'blamed' by our fathers and finally, putting a name to it.
When I got the call from Randi Hagerman, my mother had been dead for a few years. My two cousins both said that they didn't plan on telling their mother, that it would stir up a lifetime of and guilt and perhaps, more blame. I think they were right.
I will never fail to be amazed at the human need for a reason, an explanation. It makes such an enormous difference without actually changing a single thing.
Yes, Diane, when we look for causes in the physical world it's to achieve prediction and control; when we look for causes in the human world it's too often to assign blame.
My sister and I inherited a genetic bone flaw which leads to spontaneous fractures. My father (the carrier) felt terribly guilty for passing on the Family Curse.
Hi Diane!!
LOL... I haven't posted here for many moons!!
I was thinking about you-all, and was so glad to find that my membership had not been cancelled.
When I clicked on "New Posts", this was the first thread that came up. Is that not serendipitous???
It's so lovely to see your name again!!
I was just recently telling friends about our wild week on the coast of Maine. Ah, such a great memory!!
I'm traveling to the midwest at the end of this month to get together with members of an internet group. We all have Border Collies and we're gathering in a field of sheep.... LOL....
I'm still living alone, in the middle of the woods, with 2 Border Collies. Still working at the same place. Still trying to be a good crone.... LOL...
Oh, BTW, my daughter's boyfriend was digging through a kitchen cupboard, and he found my old Abuzz coffee travel mug. I told him all about Abuzz, and how I especially loved the story-telling threads in Ethel's Cafe.
I think he enjoyed hearing the stories.... it's hard to tell with these young whippersnappers!!
Well, I hope I did this "reply" correctly. I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone!!
hugs,
PaL
(Sandra)
Waves to Peace and Love...
<waves>
Hey, friend..... what's new with you?? Did you move?? It's so good to see your name!!
PaL
Yes, I did move. The gallery had a lease doubling, and we were stretched with the design and the gallery as it was, re income. Made sense for me to move (long story). So, I'm ... ta da, now in the southwest, not all so far away from Dyslexia and Diane, and BBB (don't remember if you know her).
Jo
