Women of a certain age.

Re: Joan Rivers- When I was in high school (graduated in '56) many of the girls brought one or more of three things from spring break. They were a suntan, (from a trip to Miami), an engagement ring, or a "Kopp Job". Apparently there was a Dr. Kopp who worked on all the local lasses. Problem was Kopp only knew how to make one nose.................and the nose looked like Joan Rivers', complete with the triangular nostrils.

He can't possibly still be around now!

Hah, Phoenix, I had to go back to see Joan River's nostrils and, sure enough, they are triangular!

People who have had too many "jobs" done become scary, at least to me. One day I was walking on the beach in Florida and was watching a beautiful couple walking toward me. Both the man and woman were physically fit and looked... almost... perfect. When they got closer, I could see that they had been morphed into something unreal from numerous plastic surgeries. Truly, they were spooky. I hurried my pace as I walked on in the opposite direction.

There was a documentary about young girls in Florida who were getting butt injections in order to get the look of JLo's generous backside. I wanted to scream at the tv. "Hey!" Take some of mine!" "I won't even charge!"

I have seen women who chose to have plastic surgery with beautiful results. That was their choice and they did, indeed, look years younger and I would never fault them for wanting a new look. Having been through a couple of serious illnesses, I have given some thought to getting a chin lift.
The reason is that the illnesses came after I was 64, a time when there was no elasticity left in my skin. I looked twenty years older, like death warmed over, ravaged, with one foot in the grave. This was especially shocking because I have, until now, bounced back from anything with no problem--always healthy. I still think about having it done, but the cost is astronomical and that much money could be spent in so many great ways. And good grief, I might end up looking like Joan Rivers. Nooooooooo.

As for the photos of older, or old, women, they always touch me with the wiseness and character that is evident in their face. The wrinkles somehow show a beauty that rests inside, calmly and comfortably. They are at home in their own skin, and, in a way, it can be compared with the way children seem so comfortable in their skin, at least before they meet Dr. Kopp. Sigh.

Diane, it is, of course, all a matter of taste. When a good looking older woman undergoes work that makes her look younger but less good looking--forgetting that "oldness" can be beautiful (especially given my taste)--I could rage.
Some work makes a woman look younger and even more beautiful, but the "beauty" looks like that of a mask rather than a face.

Years ago, I would pull the skin of my cheeks up, and there was an appreciable difference. Nowadays, I don't think that the best surgeon in the world could make this face look any younger without completely changing my persona.

What you see is what you get.

A liberating attitude, and a basis for poise. Congratulations.

Hi, Phoenix...

Pretty much my theory, too!

so, tell me what I need to know

Menopause Manners for Men -- If over 30 million women are going through menopause, think of what the men are going through!




What Men Need to Know about Women and Menopause

I need to reread this.

I was well sick of the crones, although not of individuals.

So dadpad, what do you want to know? Is your wife going through menopause? If so, you need to do some reading- btrflynet's links were good--and talk to your male friends seriously, don't get into that male type of joking which makes serious discussion impossible.

Menopause is tough, for women especially, but men come in a close second. Talk to your wife and let her know you genuinely want to help (and that you genuinely need help).

You seem like such a nice guy that I really think that you and mrs dadpad will come through stronger than before.

One additional note: if you kids are feeling the effects, do include them in discussions. It might turn out to be one of those discussions that. when you look back, truly mattered for all of you as your family changes and the kids are maturing, able to understand and appreciate adult matters. This could be the time when your family can speak to each other like adults, with understanding and empathy.

Since I don't know what you or your wife are going through, please let me know. I'm not going to get indignant, I do want to know if I'm on the right track.

Good luck, you aussie, you!

Diane, Sweetie, you are always on the right track.

BBB

dadpad, I only have direct experience with my ex. wear a full-face helmet, flak-jacket and shin guards 24/7. never speak (about anything) and avoid at all cost being in the same area of your house. You could take up a hobby that keeps you away from home for months at a time.

Diane et al.
7 weeks since her last period. apart from that not much to tell. Possibly her libido is a little less active but that has always fluctauted.
High blood pressure might be related... or possibly not. she had her blood pressure measured today on a different (old style) machine and it came up normal 170/90.
She seems a little sad occasionally thats all. I tell her i love her and that i'm in love with her and that she is sexy as hell (which she is).
I'll just wait and see i guess.

Dadpad, I've thought about my post and realized that it is very limited because my experience was only with myself and a couple of other friends.

You and your wife sound like you have a good marriage and that you are just good people.

Keep us posted, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over you two. It'll be rough at times but usually the good guys do win.

She should probably get her bp controlled. Some folks can control it with diet, some can't. The way she feels about herself is more important than the way you feel about her. Don't get me wrong... the way you feel about her is very important, but not as important as her own sense of self worth.

Her children are newly out on their own. Her roll as mother is changing. Her role as wife is changing. Her roll as an individual member of society may also be changing. Does she still find her work rewarding? If not, then she's facing a triple whammy of self-doubt.

There's no magic wand. It's not an easy transition. Those on the other side can say that it will be alright in the end. Those going through it understand the uncertainty.

She is probably in what is known as "perimenopause". That is a period that can last even 10 or 15 years before actual menopause. During that time, estrogen and testosterone levels fall, (I bet most of the fellas didn't know that we gals produce some testosterone). This changing of hormone levels can cause some of the symptoms that you describe.

You say that sometimes she is sad. I don't know your wife, or the level of her sadness. Are her moods affecting her work? Does she greet the day with positive anticipation?

I agree that her blood pressure needs to be controlled. I also think that it might be smart for her to get a complete physical, just for peace of mind.

170/90? Not within normal range that I know about, so I wouldn't be relaxing about that. Did a health pro say that is normal?
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/blood-pressure/HI00043

170 over 90 is NOT normal.

Adding my warning about high blood pressure is not overstating the danger. That alone can make her feel bad and with the other stressors, it can worsen.

My doctor has told me that I was a walking time bomb, with a collection of symptoms from high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes type 2.
I fully agree that Mrs Dadpad have a complete physical. There are many symptoms that aren't recognized until they have grown to a dangerous level.

Please keep us posted on how she is. You know that we'll all be thinking about both of you.

Are you saying our warning can make her stressed? Or that the warning is very serious? Or, more likely, a combo?

Dad hasn't been here in a bit. I may pm him to look, as I don't want him thinking 170/90 is all ok.