Is this considered cheating?

Forums: Friends With Benefits, Flirting, Cheating
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Just to say, I am not officially in a relationship with any of the men mentioned below:- I am talking about situation where both parties have confirmed we don't want to *go out* seriously.

So, I am on such 'sexual/friendly' terms with two men at the moment - to both of whom I haven't revealed that I am flirting with others too. Also, apart from those two, I am flirting over snapchat with about 4/5 other men. (But I don't intend on meeting them or doing anything sexual, except apart from maybe one of them).

So, I want to ask, is what I am doing bad? Should I stick to one guy only? Basically, reason I am not doing that is because I cannot be in a relationship for my personal reasons I wish not to disclose. So if its just to have flirtatious friendly relationships, does the same rule apply as being in a proper relationship?

Also, there is no way of me knowing whether the guys are flirting with other girls too. So I guess I don't want to give my all to one guy only.

I know I am a bit crazy. Please write something so I can get a viewpoint and maybe get a clear conscience.

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Type: Question • Score: 8 • Views: 3,137 • Replies: 21

@synthesis1,

I think you have to be honest in your communications with all of the other people. Make it clear you are not interested in exclusive/relationships with any of them.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

I think you have to be honest in your communications with all of the other people. Make it clear you are not interested in exclusive/relationships with any of them.

And realize that if you engage in physical contact with people who are engaging in physical contact with other people, you become part of a very large network of pathogen exposure and transmission.

0 Replies

@synthesis1,

No, you are not cheating. If you are not in an exclusive, serious relationship, then you are free to have sex with any consenting adult at any time.

It is funny the double standard. Men flirt, text and have sex with multiple women at the same time. No one thinks twice about it. Women have the same rights to have all the sex they want without any guilt or judgement.

If it were me... I would make sure I was using a condom each time. Sleeping around is fun (if you aren't ready for a committed relationship), but there are risks. Other than that, enjoy yourself without guilt. Believe me, many of the men you are talking to are very likely doing the same thing.

2 Replies

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Men flirt, text and have sex with multiple women at the same time. No one thinks twice about it.

What woman in her right mind would want to be in a relationship with a man if she knew he was doing that? A prostitute?

1 Reply

@livinglava,

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you didn't want a committed relationship? I am in at a place now in life where I want a committed relationship, but there were times in my life where I just wanted to sleep around. If I am having casual sex without commitment... I cant really expect that my partners won't do the same.

Women at times enjoy casual sex too. That has nothing to do with prostitution.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you didn't want a committed relationship? I am in at a place now in life where I want a committed relationship, but there were times in my life where I just wanted to sleep around. If I am having casual sex without commitment... I cant really expect that my partners won't do the same.

Women at times enjoy casual sex too. That has nothing to do with prostitution.

Enjoyment isn't the issue. Disease and self-esteem are. You may not want commitment but can you handle the idea of a person being with you on an intimate level and then shifting gears to focus the same attention on someone else? Ever heard of jealousy? Is it an emotion you enjoy dealing with?

What about disease? I don't want to catch the flu unnecessarily, let alone all the bugs that are transmitted by skin-to-skin and/or mucus-membrane-to-mucus-membrane contact. If you wouldn't put a condom full of HIV-infected blood into your mouth or other body cavity, why would you do it with a penis? For the enjoyment? Is it really worth the risk?

1 Reply

@livinglava,

Yes, it is absolutely "worth the risk"!

I am a happily heterosexual man (although completely accepting of other genders and orientations). I like sex. In fact I like sex a lot. I find that having sex increases my self-esteem. I am happy when I am having sex, and I find the events leading up to sex (flirting, dating, suspense, kissing, undressing ...) to be a lot of fun. At a certain age, I was happy to have to casual sex as it came.

You may be surprised that lots of people (men and women) feel this way.

People have sex. For most American adults, the risk is fully worth it, it is actually pretty unlikely that anyone you might have sex with would have HIV (you are far more likely to die from a car crash then from HIV). Any time I had casual sex, I did use a condom, which does lower the risk even further.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Yes, it is absolutely "worth the risk"!

I am a happily heterosexual man (although completely accepting of other genders and orientations). I like sex. In fact I like sex a lot. I find that having sex increases my self-esteem. I am happy when I am having sex, and I find the events leading up to sex (flirting, dating, suspense, kissing, undressing ...) to be a lot of fun. At a certain age, I was happy to have to casual sex as it came.

You may be surprised that lots of people (men and women) feel this way.

People have sex. For most American adults, the risk is fully worth it, it is actually pretty unlikely that anyone you might have sex with would have HIV (you are far more likely to die from a car crash then from HIV). Any time I had casual sex, I did use a condom, which does lower the risk even further.

Everyone thinks they're on the winning side of statistics until they lose the bet with fate.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Quote:

sleeping around is fun...

Just as long as you remain asleep and don't start to gettin' frisky!

Seriously though, if a person is not in a committed relationship, why not enjoy random nights (and days) with a warm willing. body (or 2 or even 3).

1 Reply

@livinglava,

Quote:

Everyone thinks they're on the winning side of statistics until they lose the bet with fate.

That is true every time you get in a car... and you are far more likely to die in a car accident.

Those people who don't have sex, don't drink, don't eat red meat or processed sugar are going to be very surprised when they find they still die in the end... of nothing.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Quote:
Everyone thinks they're on the winning side of statistics until they lose the bet with fate.

That is true every time you get in a car... and you are far more likely to die in a car accident.

Those people who don't have sex, don't drink, don't eat red meat or processed sugar are going to be very surprised when they find they still die in the end... of nothing.

If you can't find peace with healthy, risk-averse living then you are doomed to teetering between playing with poisons and the deadly stress that comes when you try to abstain from them.

If you want to live long and healthy, you have to make peace with healthy, risk-averse choices. Once you do that, you have less stress worrying about things you know full well are causing you harm. Also, because you inevitably find pleasure and happiness in other things that don't cause harm, you lose the stress that comes with feeling you're missing out on pleasure by making better choices.

1 Reply

@Sturgis,

Sturgis wrote:

Seriously though, if a person is not in a committed relationship, why not enjoy random nights (and days) with a warm willing. body (or 2 or even 3).

truth

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Sturgis wrote:
Seriously though, if a person is not in a committed relationship, why not enjoy random nights (and days) with a warm willing. body (or 2 or even 3).

truth

not 'truth.' There are many reasons to avoid sexual risks and attachments. You'd have to be a sex addict to be oblivious to those.

1 Reply

@livinglava,

*stealthly looks about

*slowly raises a hand

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

*stealthly looks about

*slowly raises a hand

What is this post supposed to mean?

1 Reply

@livinglava,

Nevermind. Inclusion into the sex addicts club requires much more of a sense of humour than you have shown in your posts.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

neptuneblue wrote:

Nevermind. Inclusion into the sex addicts club requires much more of a sense of humour than you have shown in your posts.

Oh, so it was an attempt at humor.

0 Replies

@livinglava,

You are amusing sometimes Livinglava.

- Sex is not poison.
- Sex is not causing me harm.
- I don't worry worry about having sex.
- I don't feel I am missing out on pleasure when I have sex.
- I am living long and healthy.... and enjoying sex.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

You are amusing sometimes Livinglava.

- Sex is not poison.
- Sex is not causing me harm.
- I don't worry worry about having sex.
- I don't feel I am missing out on pleasure when I have sex.
- I am living long and healthy.... and enjoying sex.

I don't need to read your rationalizations for your lifestyle. I can only have discussions about these things with people whose minds aren't enslaved to sex. Good luck with it.

2 Replies

Is this considered cheating?

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