My Husband is a Pathalogical Liar

sj, First of all, welcome to a2k. It seems rather strange from reading your post that your husband is a habitual liar and he denies everything. If you have 'physical' proof and he denies them, there seems to be more problems than just his email dating accounts. What does your counseler tell you on how to resolve this problem? If your counselor can't help, seek other help - for yourself. Your mental anquish is hurting your baby, and you need to find a solution quickly. You can't do that alone. Please seek counseling from your church or social services agency.

hi sarahjean.

There are worse things than initiating a divorce with a child on the way.

One of them is looking back after ten years on a truly miserable life being treated like a fool, with an eight year old and a four year old. And, throw in a case of AIDS.

Pathological liars don't top lying. And, to tell you the truth, that "personality trait", coupled with service makes me very uncomfortable. I'm afraid someone will be hurt.

I think you should resolve:
You have a husband you can't trust.
He has a serious problem he will never overcome.
You need to get free of him while you're still young enough to find happiness.


During the time he's gone, you can get yourself on your feet. You can save enough money to get out of his home, and become independant.
You can begin seeing a lawyer, who can make sure you know all the benefits you are entitled to --so when you move out, you can start recieving your assistance right away.

You can be sure they (the US govt) will force your husband to pay his portion of child support. They may help you go to school so you can be self-sufficient.

You're fortunate that you'll have this time while he's away to come to terms with your future.

Don't let him ruin your life, or your child's.

He will if you let him.

You've only got one life. This is not a dress rehearsal.

Sarah - I think Lash spoke a lot of truth - and if you stick with this guy - it will be a long, hard road-you need to be able to face that, because it is a fact. Even if he wants to change, you need to realize that people who lie habitually usually don't even realize they're doing it and can't even tell you why.

Having said that - there are a lot of reasons why people lie. Some of them are even kind of rational or understandable (when you can get past the lying to find out why he's lying about everything). If it's just to get in bed with other women - I agree- dump him- as soon as possible. But if this is some coping mechanism he's learned from trauma or abuse as a child (as it was with someone close to me) and he wants to change and make it work with you - he can get help and change his behavior. Again, he has to be able to admit he does it, admit that it's hurting his relationships, care enough about those relationships to want to change, and consciously "truth-check" everything that comes out of his mouth. Once telling the truth becomes a habit and he sees the rewards of living his life that way - it clicks in and becomes easier.

I feel for you - and the baby makes it seem even scarier, I know. Maybe you could talk with him about it before he leaves and let him know that you don't want to live your life this way and that he needs to do some real soul-searching while he's away - and let him know that you will be thinking things through too, and that his actions will determine the outcome. You'll have a year to live independently of him and that will help you make a clearer decision, and maybe show you that life is easier on your own, without the interference and chaos caused by of what would amount to another dishonest child around the house. Good luck!

If things haven't changed, even with counseling, I'm afraid they will never change. If it were me, I would get a separation now. See if he makes more of an effort once you have gone. It seems like he doesn't realize how much this is hurting you. If you wait until he goes, you'll probably talk yourself into believing that things weren't that bad (because he's not around) and you will have a year of your life wasted waiting for him only to find out that things are the same. Does he realize your marriage is in jeopardy or is he blowing it off?

I have first hand experience with this. My wife is a pathological liar. We were together for 18 years and I could never figure out why she would lie about the most insignificant things. Well the big one finally hit she had been having an affair with a married man for over a year. She was very convincing and even had some of my family mad at me after I left her. I am glad I finally got out and I wish I would have done it sooner. We are now going through divorce and she even lies in court even at the risk of going to jail. I think people like that are so used to lying that they believe it to be the truth. Take it from me it only gets worse!!