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False hope has me hanging on (REPLY please)

 
 
Reply Thu 13 Dec, 2018 08:47 pm
We were each others first love, we were together for a year and a half. His family did not want us together so it put a strain on our relationship. We feel in love at the age of 16. It was all great until the summer of 2017, when his family decided I was no longer good enough. We tried to sneak around for so long that in the later months to come it had a negative impact. The stress from always trying to see eachother started the down hill spiral and feeling as if I was not good enough for them caused me to stay so stressed. We never stopped loving eachother but we decided to quit sneaking around because it had became so toxic. We just loved eachother so much that it was hard, we let go and continued the same way we had before just without the title. We graduated and within the next few months he began dating her. I tried to be happy for him because I let him go in order to begin finding my self worth again. It was hard to see him with someone else but I figured he'd eventually return. While he dated her he tried to continue what we had, I had to put an end to it no matter how bad I wanted to keep MY first love. I gave him away to her because I knew I wouldn't want that done to me and karma is a bitch. So college came around and I found out he had still continued to log into my accounts and check in on me like he always had but yet he had not talked in 4 months. I decided to reach out and we texted for a few mins, I figured that would be the last time. Exactly a week later on their 4 month aniversy he messaged me to check in on me and we talked for a while. Never to hear back from him, one day noticed he had transferred to my college, I approached him even though I knew I shouldn't have turned around. I should have just kept walking. Anyways we talked, he was rude but said it was to help me move on, we caught up a little then he said it'd be the last time we'd ever speak and if I saw him to keep walking. Now him and her will be going on their seven months next month. I still see him around and it always makes me feel those crazy feelings all over again. We pretend we don't know eachother, I hate being strangers all over again but I know he can't just erase the memories we had because I did exist in his life and we had such a strong connection. The love was so magical and unearthly, I had never felt so comfortable with a human being before and I will always love him. He saved me at the perfect time and he showed me how a man should treat me. I just hate how we never fell out of love nor did we have the choice. His girlfriend seems to really love him, I'm not sure about him, I think he loves her but he doesn't post that much about them. When we were together we always posted and it was all about one another. I'm glad he's happy again expecially when the last few months of our relationship was so awful, but I just wish I could be happy again. I just felt like he was the only person I'd ever feel this way with. I can't even explain the love because of how wonderful it was. I truly believed we were soul mates, I wonder if he'll ever come back, or atleast be my friend again someday.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2018 04:21 am
You're the only one who didn't fall out of love, because he sure as hell did.

Find other places to go on campus. Avoid them. Hang out with other people. You're obsessing, and it's not healthy.
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2018 06:24 am
@cdrobe4097,
This doesn’t make sense.

Why don’t you be honest and tell him how you feel?

Why didn’t his parents want you together? What does “not good enough” mean?
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cdrobe4097
 
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Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2018 06:27 pm
@jespah,
Okay so why did he try holding on to me for the last few months even while dating her? Why did he continue to log into my accounts and block guys while he was dating her? This all went on until, I put an end to it and confronted the situation. This was only 2 months ago.
CalamityJane
 
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Reply Fri 14 Dec, 2018 08:12 pm
@cdrobe4097,
Why would you allow anyone to have access to your accounts?
Change your passwords and change your schedule so you won't see him.

Your ex-boyfriend is a narcissist, he doesn't want you, but he also doesn't want you to move on. He transferred to your college and he is still controlling your life while he is involved with another person. You let him treat you like a doormat and you have become one.

Go out with your friends and have fun and try to engage with other people who have your best interest at heart. Your ex-boyfriend certainly doesn't, he toys with you on his terms.
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