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If my body were a car

 
 
Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2005 09:52 am
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like my mother's old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.

Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben & Jerry's opened a shop in my neighborhood.

Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My reaction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate.

But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze or cough, my radiator seems to leak.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,564 • Replies: 25
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Raener
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Apr, 2005 03:03 am
you stoned?
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Apr, 2005 05:19 am
LOL! That's cute BBB. I'd love to share it with my Mom. Any objections as long as I give credit?
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Apr, 2005 09:05 am
Squinney
Squinney, share away, gal.

BTW, how is the Bear doing? I miss him.

BBB
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squinney
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 05:59 am
He's doing okay, thank you. I'll let him know you asked about him.
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:00 am
If I were a car my head would be like the seat. Cover getting a little thin from my wife sitting there for so long.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:11 am
I'm a Honda Civic.
Low to the ground, with good curve-handling, and fantastic acceleration.

Cool
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:15 am
ehBeth wrote:
I'm a Honda Civic.
Low to the ground, with good curve-handling, and fantastic acceleration.

Cool


Highbeams in good shape? Rear end tight? I've been thinking of a second model for tooling around in on weekends.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:17 am
No tools required.
Well-maintained.

Not driven by a little old lady.
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:22 am
No tools required? Shocked So much for toodling around. Confused
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:30 am
So, Ed, this "toodling", how's it work?
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:32 am
In, out, repeat - as craven once said.
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:36 am
ehBeth wrote:
So, Ed, this "toodling", how's it work?


I think I'll let the great David Lee Roth take it from here...

Ain't nothin' like it, her shiny machine.
Got the feel for the wheel, keep the moving parts clean.
Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue,
Got an on-ramp comin' through my bedroom.
Don't you know she's coming home with me?
You'll lose her in the turn.
I'll get her!
Yeah, we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight.
I can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it.
Ah, you reach down, between my legs,
Ease the seat back.
She's blinding, I'm flying,
Right behind the rear-view mirror now.
Got the feeling, power steering,
Pistons popping, ain't no stopping now
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:37 am
dlowan wrote:
In, out, repeat - as craven once said.


in out RINSE repeat
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:40 am
Every time?

Who the hell are you - the weird fella in Dr Strangelove?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:44 am
is there a spin cycle?
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:45 am
Whoo-Hoo! Yeah! Spin cycle - That's what I want!
0 Replies
 
squinney
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:46 am
Whole new meaning to "Takin' her for a spin."
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:46 am
did i mention that i love you, Miss Squinney?
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Apr, 2005 07:47 am
ehBeth wrote:
is there a spin cycle?


Oh yes, that's where I set you on the shifter :wink: , wrap a rope around your neck and start you like a chain saw. That's one of my favorite games Twisted Evil
0 Replies
 
 

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