I was lied to by my bestfriend and now she is playing thr victim...

Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2018 02:16 pm
My bestfriend and I have been friends for approximately 3 years and we became really close over the years. Recently, we went out for her birthday and she invited some of ber other friends who were male. At the time, I was having a hard time and one of her male friends took an interest in me. She took the initiative and set us up together. We've been dating a little over three months and everything has been really great. Us three had grown tremendously close to the point where we were all best friends. About a month ago, my boyfriend and I had an arguement which caused a little notch in our relationship and it was taking a toll on me. Since my best friend was close to both him and I, I asked for her help and I asked that she talked to him and understand his situation since he founf it really difficult to talk to me about it. I never had a problem with them speaking as I trusted them whole-heartedly and I knew they wouldn't do anything wrong. They spent over an hour on the call with him explaining why he has been off lately. She tried her best to understand since the situation was very personal to him and our relationship. He just wanted some advicd on what to do so he vented to her. I knew about the interraction and had no negative feeling about it because I wanted him to have a platform to vent and be understood. Even thought I wanted him to come to me and tell me, I still thought it was okay. After he vented to her about te situation, she called me and told me what he said, but an exaggerated version that tore my heart and had me in tears. I cried all night to her on the phone and in school the next day. Keep in mind that, while I cried to her in the night, I asked her if it was wise to speak to him about it. All she said was "He just came back from football and he's tired so he'll talk tomorrow". So I left it alone and cried. The following day I was a wreck at school. I met my best friend in the morning and people did look at me weirdly but I could have cared less. I told only one other friend of my situation and it was someone I could trust. The rest of the day was a drag until I returned home from School. My best friend messaged me saying that she was dissappointed in my behaviour at school (crying) and that some people called me 'desperate'. I apologised for my behaviour but I questioned her about how did other people know of my situation to call me desperate. I asked her if she had told anyone of the call and the details, she swore that she didn't. I never accused her but she claimed that I did. Later, I found out that she had spread all the information about my private life with my boyfriend to a few people in school after claiming she didn't. After that, she blocked me on all social media platforms and is now playing the victim. My boyfriend, who I have now spoken to and came to an agreement with, is also angry at her for spreading details abd personal information of the call and also asked her about it. He too, was blocked and removed. (On a side note: Her boyfriend also broke up with her one month before my boyfriend and I began dating. It has crossed my mind sometimes that she did want me happy, but at times her breakup trauma, gets het jealous of my relationship. Also, during her break up, she would have vented to my boyfriend and I as well as posted on social media; publicising her breakup even though we advised her otherwise.) Who was at fault in this case? Is she by any means right to 'play the victim and block us out'? What do I do because even though my boyfriend and I are on better terms, I still miss her but she is stubborn and would not accept her wrong?
View best answer, chosen by Lea-Raj
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2018 02:27 pm
You asked her to help you with you BF problems.

BF unloaded to her things that he should have talked to you about.

She blabbed ( you think) and now you are angry.

Accept some of the responsibility for this mess.

Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2018 02:38 pm
I asked her to help me by understanding the situation and I had complete trust in her to be 100% confidential and not say anything to the public. After all, we were best friends and we help each other out in any situation (just like I did when she had her relationship problems and I tried my best to help her without telling anyone what had happened) I do take responsibility for my actions but what bothers me most is that, she did tell a lot of people of what I deemed as private information and when I asked if she did, she denied it and then proceeded to block me with the perception that I accused her of doing something she didn't (when she clearly did)
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  Selected Answer
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2018 03:07 pm
You have done nothing wrong.

You had an argument with your boyfriend and asked her to help figure things out and for her to talk to him. She did. Then however, she betrayed you by discussing the matter with several others. She also betrayed your boyfriend. Neither of you asked for, nor expected her to go around blabbing and babbling like the town gossip.

She is clearly in the wrong here. To make matters more painful, she decided to scold you for being sad and crying at school. You are allowed to have feelings and she should have been offering words of comfort.

She has now blocked both you and the boyfriend. Maybe she wasn't worthy of being considered as your best friend. Try to make some new and better friends, you deserve someone who can keep personal matters private.

There are 2 victims here: You and your boyfriend. The supposed best friend is not a victim; but rather, she is a victimizer!
Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2018 03:30 pm
Thank you for seeing my side of the situation. It has been really hard lately because I was really unclear if I was wrong or not. People may say I am wrong for asking her to help but I did not think she would have told personal information to persons who had no business in it whatsoever. She came to us when she had her relationship issues and vented to her heart's content and we comforted her, advised her and encouraged her while keeping her private life, private. I kept repeating, "It was not her story to tell," and I fully believe so. Thank you once again for giving me feedback.
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Reply Wed 28 Nov, 2018 03:38 pm
Looking back at her behavior - even before your issue, with her own love- life problems - was sending her to act as confidant to your BF the wisest thing to do?

Don’t send a fox to fix the hen house!

This girl does not deserve to be your “best friend” and the best thing to do is to learn from this incident. Really? you want her back in your life , but only if she realizes the error of her ways? Don’t hold your breath.

Tough life lesson, here.

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