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Fri 1 Apr, 2005 12:54 am
I was flipping through the channels and I stumbled upon Oprah. The topic was married couples dealing with affairs...the otherhalf was swinging. Swinging known as the "LifeStyle" is on the rise. About 3 million people are active in this.
I'm loosing faith in the "sacrament" of marriage. Heck marriage shouldn't even be a sacrament anymore. Maybe I'm naive and too young to be talking about this but it really bothers me. I was raised in a family were marriage is sacred and sex should be between two people who really care for one another. After seeing this episode of Oprah I truly question why get married? Financial and security are main reasons today. If you want to have sex with someone else why ask your spouse?
Again, I know I'm too young to be talking about such a subject but it really rocked my boat.
What is your opinion about swinging? I for one oppose of it. You can me flame me if you want but heck, respect for marriage and sex is like the Great Depression. Black Thursday is coming soon.
I'll be married 4 years this August. I love my wife as much today as I did when we first got married. I would never even think about betraying that.
Marriage is what you make it. Don't let the "lifestyles" of others have any bearing on what your marriage is.
I agree with the other two. Just because some married couples “swing” does not mean that you have to follow suit or that marriage is not “sacred” for other couples. To me, those married couples that “swing” are not truly married. It does not diminish my marriage because other couples may not be as serious and committed to their partner.
Perhaps I can draw an analogy between sex and sport. If you're unattached and fancy-free then sex is like a sport. It can be like track and field - which is mainly solo although or course there are relays. It might even be like tennis which requires two players. If you want to push the boundaries it might be like football and you can get a whole team involved.
But marriage isn't a sport. No substitutes, no playing the field.
If you want sport, stay single and unattached. If you want to sign up for a hopefully lengthy contract, then marriage is for you.
Ditto, all of the above.
I'll be celebrating my 16th anniversary next month. No swinging, no affairs. A marriage between more than two people is very complicated but some do manage it.
Bella's sig
Treat the other man's faith gently; it is all he has to believe with. His mind was created for his own thoughts, not yours or mine. ~~Henry S. Haskins
Just want to say it made my day.
And I think there is a kind of "promiscuity" that is all right as you get older but it's not actual sex but just having many loves...sort of a broader mind...
When you are young it's better to be narrow, to know a few things well...
I was quite randy before marriage but would never dream of having sex with someone else since...nearly 29 years...but many "lovers", some my husband does not approve of...and he's got a metaphysical floosy or two that make my skin crawl...
Hence my affection for that wonderful sig.
*goes to search google for that guy*
I guess I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by many lovers, but without the sex. I've done a lot of searching about what love and relationships are within my own mind. And I suppose I consider my friends lovers of mine in ways. But would you consider these others "friends" or is there actual romantic talk and the like, just no sex?
daniellejean,
I don't know quite what I mean either...but it's not even just people, but can be books music movies...and symbolic people, like maybe famous people or celebrities...not actual people I personally know...I think in that case my marriage would be over..
But these other things supply the same kind of satisfaction that I used to get from "romance"...
It doesn't make sense...I just know I look for this other stuff now with the same zeal I used to have trying to find a boyfriend when I was young lol..
Some of my "lovers", lol...
Metallica and Alice in Chains. Russell Hoban. King Lear. Charles Schultz.
Janis Joplin. Dorothy Sayers.
Probably there are real people who would have the same kind of "goods" to offer but it's hard to get to know "real people" that way, whereas the famous ones...the reason they got famous is they bared their soul somehow..
And this doesn't belong on this sex thread...sorry...
But physical satisfaction and emotional/mental satisfaction, hard to get in one package...and when you get older the latter is more important...but you can't just toss your mate out...or you can but there's a price for that, all the comlicated relationships, I don't think it's right...not sure, not right for me anyway...my children and others to think of too.
Bella Dea's sig.
That was Bella Dea's sig, just wanted to be sure I didn't get credit for that wonderful thought...
Though I had thought it before, but not as beautifully...
I've never heard of that guy and can't find bio info on the net so far, but some other good quotes...
shunammite wrote:Some of my "lovers", lol...
Metallica and Alice in Chains. Russell Hoban. King Lear. Charles Schultz.
Janis Joplin. Dorothy Sayers.
Probably there are real people who would have the same kind of "goods" to offer but it's hard to get to know "real people" that way, whereas the famous ones...the reason they got famous is they bared their soul somehow..
And this doesn't belong on this sex thread...sorry...
But physical satisfaction and emotional/mental satisfaction, hard to get in one package...and when you get older the latter is more important...but you can't just toss your mate out...or you can but there's a price for that, all the comlicated relationships, I don't think it's right...not sure, not right for me anyway...my children and others to think of too.
Beautifully explained, thank you - it explains so much.
Everything old is new again.
Swinging was quite trendy in the late 1960's. Also big in the 1910's. Probably was at other times before that, and will be again.
There are fashions in everything from shoes and hats to sex.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes sex is just sex.
I guess as I age, I am more amused and less surprised by things like this.
Excuse me but I fail to see the problem. You want to. Your spouse wants to. Where's the catastrophe?
I know what you mean Shummite. When I was younger, I was much more possessive - of everything - not just my husband. We thought about doing foster care, but I knew emotionally I wouldn't be able to let go if and when the time came - so we adopted my daughter. Today, twelve years later - I feel I could do foster care. Total possession just seems less important somehow.
I couldn't swing - and honestly, I'd be hurt if my husband wanted to - but I do believe you can truly love more than one person at a time (because I have - but I backed off from that one fast - it was just too complicated for me- I always felt like I was dishonest and betraying someone and I hated that feeling). It's just that if sex were to become a part of it - I think I'd become jealous and possessive and probably all undone.
I do understand the lure of variety though I wouldn't want to be in that kind of marriage.
Sorry I spelled your name wrong.
Re: Bella Dea's sig.
shunammite wrote:That was Bella Dea's sig, just wanted to be sure I didn't get credit for that wonderful thought...
Though I had thought it before, but not as beautifully...
I've never heard of that guy and can't find bio info on the net so far, but some other good quotes...
You could have taken it...but thanks.
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