excessive talking

TerryL- Welcome to A2K!

Does your husband have friends, or are you his primary means of socialization after work? Is it possible that he misses the interactions with the kids? Have you ever sat down, when things are quiet, and attempted to have a discussion about how his behavior upsets you?

I often have the same problem, and I am married a lot longer than you. When my husband wants to be alone to "do his thing" he is perfectly comfortable with his own company. But when he wants to talk, watch out! He does not believe in discussions, only monologues. If I try to get a word in edgewise, he becomes angry, as he perceives that I am cutting him off. And I am the verbal one in the family.

I know exactly how you feel. I am the kind of person that often likes to be alone with my thoughts, and often my husband's behavior renders this next to impossible. Sometimes I have to resort to an irritable retort, so that he does back off.

I suppose that I have not been much help to you. I have been dealing with this for many, many years. I have given up on the idea that my husband is going to change, so I try to work around it.

I'm another Woeful Woman who married a Man of Monologues.

1. Create at least two comfortable nooks for yourself--put an easy chair in the bedroom or a rocker in a corner of the kitchen.

2. Be very clear that you resent being the In-House Listening Ear. Allow two or three monologues a day to fufill the "better or worse" requirement and then retreat.

3. Encourage him to find other listening ears--remember in another twenty years you'll be looking at retirement. He'll be home for breakfast, lunch and dinner and all times in between.

Uh oh. I think I am the talkie one! Sometimes I'll catch myself and say wow, I talk alot, at which point my husband will break into knowing laughter. Thing is, he is just not a talker, more of a nodder and an occassional uh-huh'er. I have tried to let him initiate conversations but he just worries that something is wrong or that I'm out of sorts or whatever. Sooo...I guess it's not a problem.
He has mentioned how much he likes the fact that I take the lead in social situations, doing the introductions and breaking the ice and what not.

My husband always gets irritated with me because I tell the same stories over and over....

I forget I tell him.

I suspect we are culturally trained, and perhaps physiologically backed up, to having talking monitors, or not.
Conversation is actually an art and needs to be learned, and yet some don't seem to learn it. I don't have any easy answers.

My neighbor claims he can always tell when his wife is sleeping as "it's the only time she is quiet" . Actually, my first response upon seeing the title of this thread was sexist, as I assumed it would be a man talking about a woman. Shame on me.

I know someone who comes from a large family and for years they all just talked on top of each other; endless blah, blah because no one could even hear what anyone else was saying. They came up with the solution of the "talking stick". A person can only speak when they are holding this stick, if they want to say something they must wait for the person who is holding the stick to stop talking and pass them the stick. No stick, no talk. Maybe you can work out some kind of system like this with your husband. I know it sounds a bit childish, but this situation seems to call for extreme measures. Good luck.

Thanks to all of you that replied. It surprised me to hear many of you have this same problem, and seem to know just what I'm going through. I'll try some of your suggestions, starting with the sincere discussion (once more) and then move on to some of the others. Usually discussing problems with my spouse gets me nowhere. I usually have to take action or change my reactions to the problem.

If anyone else has input, I am happy to hear from you. I'll add a post later and tell you if I have any success. Phoenix 32890 asked if I was his primary social interaction after work- yes, and we've been so busy with our kids that we have pretty much cut out socializing and our own activities. Maybe we'll be able to get out a little and interact with other people.

Terry--

By all means, share the wealth.

Believe me there have been post-kid moments in my marriage when I've thought that a predatory blue-haired widow might be a share-the-wealth solution.

Noddy- I LOVE how you express yourself!

Does he talk excessively only with you? Let's say you have people visiting you...does he monopolize the conversation? That could be very embarrassing.And if he's like that you need to tell him so.

And what is it that bothers you most? That it's a monologue and doesnt allow you to talk or that he doesn't enough time for yourself - to be alone/read a book?

You arent the only one by any means. My friend's mom used to be like this. When we went to her house, her mom used to talk and talk. Everytime we went there she used to go on and on. My friend managed to cure her. Everytime her mom entered the room and was going to embark on a monologue, my friend used to praise her mom....maybe her dress or her cooking ..whatever. It worked like magic...she used to smile and say hi to everyone and go away - kinda satisfied...Dont know the logic but it used to work ..
Good luck.

Good Lord! I had no idea I had such wonderful company!

The problem here is that we work side by side. He doesn't leave the house often for me to have quiet time, and when he does it's usually just as the kids are getting off the bus.

If he isn't talking to me, he's talking on the phone... Loudly. He paces the house with the phone, so that even if I go into another room, he ends up there. If I go into the garage for a cig, he ends up there, as well.

When I'm trying to work or read, which requires greater concentration due to my vision problems, and he starts talking, I have to start over and spend time figuring out where I was again. I've explained this to him.

I've tried "Be quiet, please." That usually gets him miffed. I've tried "I'm trying to work." He'll apologize, but can tell he's not pleased. Then he'll break in again and start to say something and then stop and apologize, at which point I tell him to just go ahead. Then when he starts talking again, I get more perturbed, look at him and sigh in defeat. Then it becomes "Gee, what's wrong with you?"

ME????

Gee whiz!

If it was work or family related stuff it would be one thing, but when it's reading stuff to me from A2K, or "You gotta see this that so and so sent me! It's so funny," I just wanna scream!

Okay, thanks for letting me vent! And if anyone finds a solution, please let me know.

Squinney, we're putting yer fella and my fella in a room together, locking the door and throwing away the key.

Then we can sit down and read in peace.

Phoenix--

Thanks for the kind words.

Aren't articulate men a mixed blessing?

excessive talking


LADY, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? THERE ARE MILLIONS OF WIDOWS IN THIS WORLD WHO WISH THEIR HUSBANDS WERE STILL ALIVE TO LISTEN TO THEM TALK. APPARENTLY YOU DO NOT LOVE THE MAN VERY MUCH. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 40 YEARS AND I WISH MY HUSBAND WOULD TALK MORE TO ME. HE IS JUST THE QUIET TYPE AND TALKS WHEN HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY AND TELLS JOKES. WELL, HE JUST HAS BEEN GIVEN TWO YEARS TO LIVE BECAUSE OF TERMINAL CANCER. THIS MAN HAS NEVER BEEN SICK IN HIS LIFE. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT HIS VOICE AND PRESENCE AROUND. BE GRATEFUL AND LET HIM TALK. TALKING TOO MUCH IS NOT A DISEASE OR A PROBLEM IT JUST MEANS WE HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. SOME PEOPLE ARE SILENT THINKERS AND OTHERS TALK OUT LOUD. ENJOY HIM WHILE YOU CAN OR DIVORCE HIM AND LET HIM FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES HIM. GAMMAJEAN

Gammajean--

Welcome to A2K.

Why are you shouting?

Typing all in caps is difficult to read and is considered as "shouting" on the Internet.

Noddy once game me a line to use on my man:

"Do you know I love you even when you aren't talking?"

Okay. So my man is only four and a half.

But still.

Mr. B (the older man in my household) usually "speaks" in sounds and gestures unless we're involved in a real conversation.

Sometimes it drives me insane but after reading this I'm going to count it among my blessings.