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How do you escape out of your own jealousy and the tendency to think about things that did you harm

 
 
Reply Tue 13 Nov, 2018 01:46 pm
I am 20 Years old and I am a relatively happy and comedic person. I don't really have any anger or issues towards people and I try to live a happy and chill life. I often times try to look on the bright side of things. With that in mind, I'm going to cut straight to the topic. My girlfriend (19) and I broke up twice within the past 17 months or so after first becoming a couple. We've reached a point where we both decided we want each other and we're happy together. Unfortunately, every time I visit her college to spend some time with her, I have to come across her ex ( a guy that she didn't like).

Just by seeing his face alone, a rush of thoughts flood my head and I start thinking about all the ...sexual... things he did with her (I know, she told me it all and I was stupidly curious to ask when we got back together because I wanted to know what another man was doing to my girl) and how even though she sees me as a way better boyfriend, she still did those things with him. When we first got together, we were madly in love and I had thought she would be mine and only mine and I would be hers but now I gotta live with the fact that someone else was once hers.

Now you see, I'm a knowledgeable person and I can reason things out. I already forgave her and I understand that people make mistakes. I also understand that I might be thinking too unrealistically that the one you love will always be with you from the start. Even though I know all of this, just seeing his face brings me back to our first break up, a very very very low emotional point in my life. Probably the lowest. I don't really hate the guy since it's not the guy's fault. Remember, I don't like holding grudges.

So my question to you guys is, How do I frame my thoughts so that I get past this? It's not like I think about this on a daily. It's just when I see him, reality hits hard. Feel free to flood the comment section with your advice because I will read them all. Thanks Guys

TL;DR : I think about my girlfriend's betrayal every time I see her ex in college? How does one overcome their own jealousy of this?
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chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Nov, 2018 02:17 pm
@TruePosh,
By getting over yourself.

No one did you any harm.

You're 20 years old and have much less experience in relationships than those who have been around the block a few times. More than likely you will not end up spending your life with this person, and will have the opportunity to have good sex with multiple people that you at least respect.

(almost) Everyone has sex. In future years, you will have the experience of all the things you've done sexually with her, and vice versa. What she has done with someone else, or what you are doing together is not unique in any way. Billions of others have done exactly the same things you have done, and much more.

She didn't "betray" you. She went out with someone else in the past, when you to weren't seeing each other.
Was she suppose to somehow know she was going to meet you/get back together with you, and keep herself from living her own life, but instead live for the future you? Get real and grow up.

You say she "didn't even like him". Well, she liked him well enough it seems, and that's none of your affair.

This is your opportunity to understand the world doesn't revolve around you, that no one is doing anything to hurt you, and that what has happened between the 2 of them is absolutley none of your business.

PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 13 Nov, 2018 05:06 pm
You “forgave”her?

For what?

Having a life before you?


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geetika12
 
  0  
Reply Thu 6 Dec, 2018 07:52 am
@chai2,
For give her and keep stress free life
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