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Sun 27 Mar, 2005 04:03 pm
what i am about to say may well make some people hate me for many reasons but here goes.
I am seventeen , I met my first boyfriend when i just turned seventeen. we hardly saw eachother so i gleaned no information on relationships e.g. love from him.
then i dated a guy id fancied for ages, who also treated me rather badly and dumped me to go out on the pull.
when i was with the second guy, i was lonely because he never saw me, so i started to use the internet to make friends .
That's where i met my final ex. we instantly clicked, best friends within hours, it was like we'd always known eachother. he used to phone me while i was at home waiting for the absent boyfriend and make me laugh and cheer me up. within a few days he emailed me to tell me he fancied me, which i thought was sweet. but he knew it couldnt go anywhere.
when my boyfriend dumped me i agreed to meet my friend (who is paralysed). he drove 100 miles to see me,
he asked me out, and just like that we were together, and every saturday he drove down to see me, we spent five months together, which were heaven when we were actually together, but when we were apart my life was hell.
my parents violently opposed us, and all my time was spent rowing with them.
i was depressed my grades were sliding and my teachers and friends became concerned.
with him though, i was welcomed into his family. we were happy. i felt like i'd come home he was perfect. we laughed together, all sat together and watched movies, and woke up in the mornings next to eachother. everything was perfect. the week immediately following christmas i stayed with him, and his family re-did christmas on new years eve and day. happy doesnt even cover it.
So, we get to the problems. my home life was hell, while my boyfriend was talking the rest of our lives. i was going mental.
in addition to this, ex bf no. 2 decided he wanted me back. i wanted to be friends. my boyfriend, the angel that he is, said that i could see him as much as i wanted. so i did,
everything was fine, until one night when the ex in question decided to mess with my head. tell me he loved me. i knew i wanted nothing more than friendship. he was trying to get to me, and trying to split my boyfriend and i up. then i discovered that in all of this, he was telling another girl he fancied her, loved her even. being lied to really REALLY gets to me. so i went round to hurt him for all the stress hed put me and my boyfriend under and for lying.
i dressed to kill and in two minutes was on his doorstep. i told him id give it another go...and then half an hour later, after making him reiterate his lies, i hit him with what i had discovered. but that the girl in question had made it all up.
i phoned my boyfriend and told him it all. he was as distraught as me. we went up to his home to spend valentines weekend together. except my ex found out, and chased us to bring me home by force. i managed to get him to stay away but he threatened that if i wasnt back home by the next evening he was coming to get me and his heavies would beat m boyfriend up.
this sounds strange, but my ex is a pikie, gypsies with more money, and anyone who crosses them gets beaten up. my boyfriend and i knew we had to split, and it was all my fault.
i went to my exes the monday night, and he was drunk, and told me that he was a pikie. and what that entailed. i was delighted, it was my ticket out my boyfriend and i now just had to wait for my ex to calm down before we could get back together.
my parents welcomed the split with open arms. they were happy, i had my family back again, my work focus returned, my grades rose. my health returned. i slept better than i had for ages,
my boyfriend saw how much better i was when he came to visit me with a friend. it devastated him. but not as much as what i had to say. a week or so later, i had a clear mind and knew exactly what was going on.
i am seventeen, im too young to be talking the rest of my life, ivf so my paralysed husband could father my children,
he had been engaged before and got over her in a month or so,
he said he loved me before he even met me face to face.
i need my family, at my age i cannot afford to lose them
i dont think he loved me but was in love with the idea of being in love
i want to be a teenager, free, to experience life
i told him this and our split was definite. he is devastated though, its almost two months since this happened and he still cries himself to sleep every night. im not good at being alone though and i know that sooner or later im going to want to be with someone even informally. i know now though that i dont want long term commitments.
im seeing my first boyfriend as mates and its showing signs of turning into something more. ive got everything i wanted and im still not happy.
please those of you who are older, wiser, more experienced advise me on what i should do, basically, what would you have done in the same situation
thankyou so much
Ok i've read all of that and i think i understand it all.... but what exactly is it that you want advice with?
I think I lost track of the ex's.
As far as I can make out you're 17, and have had either 3 or 4 boyfriends in the past year.
Is that right so far?
<welcome to a2k>
<i'm not sure why anyone should hate you, based on what i've been able to figure out from your post - but, try breaking things into more readable sections>
If you love something let it go.
If it doesn't come back
Then you didn't need the Prenup
goodness im sorry :0(
i just spilt it all out.
i have had three boyfriends, all in the past year yes.
i want to know why i feel so miserable without him when it was what i thought i wanted.
whether i was right to end it completely.
i guess i want to know what other people would have done in the same situation.
im sorry to have posted such a long confusing post!
ok...ive edited it a bit and tried to make it simpler and easier to read.
sorry again!
Thanks - it is a bit easier to read that way.
I'll take another run at it.
The post may be a bit confusing in part, because you're confused (as your name suggests) and it's hard to get it all down at once.
lol thankyou.
and yes it is very confusing.
i have tried to put it all down as it happened, but so much was going on...and it all happened so quickly!
I'm going to take another crack at sorting this for myself.
The second ex, the pikie - he's basically a nasty piece of work.
The first ex, a good friend - didn't work terribly well the first time, but the friendship is going better right now.
The third ex, five months, engaged in past - he's broken up about the breakup with you.
How am I doing so far?
(oh, and how old are fellas 1, 2 and 3)
youre doing great so far
and first ex is 19, at university now
second ex is 18 - it was his 18th on valenitnes day hance why he was drunk when i was there that night
third is also nineteen - about 2 months younger than ex no. 1
he was engaged at 18, not even a year ago....it was in march and theyd been together six months.
Why did your grades, health etc. improve after you broke up with Three?
Why didn't your family like Three?
Are you still worried about Two, or is he now out of the picture?
Are you worried about what Two will do to Three if you get back together with Three?
because i was no longer arguing with my family and was getting enough sleep and focusing at school as i was not depressed any more.
two and three had been keeping me up til all hours of the morning on the phone, and i owed it to three to talk to him when he needed.
my family didnt like three because of his paralysis. there are a lot of problems that come with it. im a dancer - he cant dance, i love to play sports and be active - he cant. he's also most probably infertile. they saw it as throwing my life away
they saw me becoming a carer and losing my life. he had no control over anything below his chest and they didnt see that as a life for me.
two is well and truly out of the picture,..well kind of...he text me saying he wants to smash ones F****ing head in, because he saw us out together.
and yes i am worried about what two would do.
Hmmm.
If your health, grades and general well-being have improved, I think that's something. I don't think your parents are necessarily right, but I do think that at 17 you have time to find out how you feel about Three after you have moved out of your parent's house and they are no longer such a factor.
I think it's possible their dismay is so loud and overwhelming that you can't even tell what you actually think about Three. As in, if they weren't being so loud and annoying about it, you might actually come to some conclusions yourself about whether this is what you want right now. Since they're being so loud and overwhelming, it's easier to either reflexively rebel or just capitulate.
Two worries me, and seems to be another problem entirely.
At any rate, you are not currenly romantically linked to any of them, and don't feel that you owe any of them anything.
i agree that two is a different problem,
and i know what you mean about my rents being overwhelming.
thing is, theyre not being loud about it now, because its over with three, so they're happy as larry and never mention him, and i still dont know about three.
i miss him like crazy, but is that normal? and was i right to give up on what, on reflection seemed like the perfect relationship. those are questions which are plaguing me at the moment.
i feel like im just finding myself again after all this. i got swept away by a tide of events, which includes confused me kind of getting involved with one again. which i havent told three about yet and he said he wanted me to tell him.
one and i arent actually properly involved, but hes kissed me a few times.
its made me think though, IF i did get involved with anyone else, should i tell three like he wants me to?
(im not talking immediate future as i have no plans or desire to return into the dating game)
Do you have to have any bf right now?
How about a bit of a cooling off period with 1 and 3 - be friendly to both. And don't have anything to do with 2 - unless it's calling the police to report his threatening texting.
removing the duplicate post
no i dont have to have a bf right now, im not saying i do :0)
after everything thats happened i want to stay unattached, because its just been crazy and more importantly i need to be able to remain focused on my school work, which isnt happening while im having this confused dilemma.
one and i are friends so thats ok, he doesnt expect anything of me which im comfortable with.
three is another kettle of fish. we're not talking because its too painful for him although we've said we'll be there for each other in times of need etc. etc. when we do talk he cries and it hurts me to know how much i've hurt him.
i have however made it clear to three that i won't be getting back with him and definitely not any time soon. it just seemed the best thing to do at the time.
what concerns me, is that what i gave up (three) was someone who was right for me.
and also, is what im experiencing in the way of regret and missing three normal?
thanks for the advice tho :0), talking (typing) through it is really helping :0)
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