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Sat 26 Mar, 2005 07:28 pm
I have been married for a few years... I entered this relationship with 3 children from a prior marriage. The man I married has a son that he has no real relationship with.
I have had rental property for a long time, so I don't need anyone to support me...I am self sufficient. I have my little hobbies...such as... I raise poodles,I have a pond with ducks and geese. Its fun for myself and my children ages 11,8,5 and 18 months. Anyway, I have been remodeling our house and trying to do landscaping to make our home beautiful. He raises hell at me for buying plants and potting soil. He says I am blowing his money on stupid stuff.He gets angry with me because I wont allow him to touch my childrens childsupport money. He expects me to pay HIS childsupport!
He harasses my children... which I must say are VERY well mannered kids... he sneaks up on them while they are in their bedrooms watching tv and if they are not sitting up straight he yells at them and tells them to SIT UP. its insane... he started working FINALLY...( I am thankful because he is not here...not because of the money) He is driving me insane..I don't think I can even touch on everything he does that bothers me. But to put it this way... I cook, clean, earn money,take care of my rental property ( 15 houses) garden,take care of children and pay all the bills. He: works occasionally , yells at me that the house is not clean enough,says I do nothing for him, complains that he never has any money to spend on himself ( because he has blown it all on stereos & weight gain supplements*body builder stuff*).He wont even mow the yard on his days off...or when he is laid off from construction jobs.
Just today he called me from work and asked what I was doing..I told him that I was emailing and individual that I purchased some plants from on Ebay and I was inquiring about shipping date....He dismisses all the details of what plants I purchased and jumps to.."Well.. Where did you get the money?" I told him don't worry it wasn't yours... and he said "ok good..just checking" I just don't know if I can stand this much more... I tried to think...In what way does he accentuate my life....sadly...I can't think of one thing. I do not enjoy his company,he doesn't really care about my kids,He does not treat me as if I am special to him,he is only affectionate when he wants to get laid (wich is the last thing on my mind these days) Don't get me wrong..I am totally faithful, and I still find him attractive...but I just don't want anything to do with him.I Don't have a good connection I guess?
The other day...my mother was tying down a dog kennel for me...I had dislocated my knee and couldn't finish it myself... my husband went out there and started to half-ass "help out" When my mother said " Honey it needs to be tied a little higher or the dog will get out," She was very sweet about it... He tossed the plyers to her and said "Forget it...you do it yourself since I cant do anything right!" Totally hurt her feelings ..and mine... Noone speaks to my mother that way. She has done so much for us....she gave us the house we are in now and I won't even go into everything else. I have begged for marriage couselling.. he says that I am the one with the problem and he doesn't need counseling...I think he could be right... I am the problem...and I believe my problem is HIM.
I have tried to analyse myself... I wonder if I can do anything to make this work... but the longer I try...with no success...the more I wonder..Why bother? What do I have to lose?
Sorry this was so long winded...Its so difficult to get it all down without writing a damn novel. I still left out lots of stuff...
Hi Sassy, Welcome to A2K.
You didn't really ask a question or ask for advice except 'why bother' and 'what have I got to lose'. Very good questions. Sounds to me like you don't have a heck of a lot to lose and it's causing you a lot of bother.
From the sounds of your story you have a lot going for you and I admire what you've accomplished. Sounds like you've gotten to a place where you don't need to be. The question, as I see it, is where do you want to be?
He does sound like more of a burden than an asset. I assume he was better before you married him? Have you been married long?
what I want
I guess I don't really know what I want anymore... I think I want him to change... but I suppose that is unrealistic. We have been married for about 3 years now. Not very long...really. I suppose all I can do is try to get him into marraige couseling..and if that does not improve things then it will never get better and I should cut my losses? Or does that sound like a cop out? I am afraid of making the wrong decision...
How long has he been using the weight-building supplements? Does his doctor know he is using them? Are his blood levels being checked regularly?
Did he behave in this way before the marriage?
Definitely some timeline questions you need to look at.
<and welcome to A2K>
he has not been seeing a doctor...I am not sure why.
Before the marriage he was nicer to my kids,he was very jealous of me and possessive. He has calmed down a bit..and now is gung ho about controlling everything. Its like he trades one extreme issue for another.
I truly am happiest when he is not here. There are a lot of things that I can't talk to him about, because he will take it the wrong way and be upset...or he is just disinterested and I feel like an idiot for trying to talk to him.
without hearing his side...if you read your posts, the signs are clear that you need to move on. Life's too short.
you are probably right...
I know that every relationships has problems..and it could be worse..I suppose that is why I keep waiting it out..hoping he will get a grip and realise how good he has it here... Out of my four children only one is his...my other kids want to love him..but they say he is mean...and they don't like it when he makes me cry. His son from a prior relationship is 13 and refuses to come visit his father because he doesnt like him. Its a shame
Apart from being nicer to your kids and more possessive, how else was he different before marriage?
Was he already a weight-lifter using supplements when you met him?
Has his physical appearance changed in any way since you met him? i.e. any indication he may be using steroids as well as basic nutritional supplements
The mood swings you're described are often indicators of steroid misuse.
Let's assume he won't or can't change. The question is: Are you better off with him or without him?
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