Update time. A couple of weeks ago; I consulted one of the better attorney's in the area for assistance with my battery and disorderly conduct charges.
He told me that I had drawn the worst possible District Attorney, and that any attempts to budge her on her recommendation would fall on deaf ears, so my options were to fight the charges (without much hope since I'm guilty), accept her plea offer of two Months incarceration as a condition of two years probation (
), or take my chances with the Judge. In exchange for his exorbitant fee, he informed me the best I could hope for would be to get the Judge to cut the D.A.'s recommendation in half (1 month incarceration as a condition of 1 year's probation
but warned me that by turning down the D.A's offer; the Judge may decide to punish me even more harshly. Some terrific options, those.
So, once again OCCOM BILL chose to take on a fool for a client, and defend myself.
Some of you may remember how that turned out
last time.
So I wrote up a 2.5 page explanation titled "In lieu of a defense for that which is indefensible, the defendant asks the Court only that the following be considered before sentencing." In it, I thoroughly admitted my guilt, explained the recent hardships I've suffered and asked the Court to take my word for it that I am not the idiot I was the day in question. I think I did a hell of job.
So, I met with the District Attorney for what is known as a "pretrial", presumably to barter a better deal. Nothing doing. She refused to even read the document I handed her, wouldn't budge on her recommendation, and warned me of the consequences of not accepting her offer. Precisely what the attorney I'd interviewed told me she would do.
So now I have a choice. Accept 2 months in jail as a condition of 2 years probation, or take my chances with a maximum sentence of 1 year in Jail and $11,000 in fines.
Tough decision, that. So, what do I do? Screw it. I'm going to retell my tale to the Judge, hope he'll bother to read it, and hope beyond all hope that at worst he'll punish me as bad as the D.A. wishes.
So today I went to Court with an idiot for an attorney (me), figuring if the big shot thinks he can only cut the sentence in half (at best), I may as well give it my own best shot.
The Judge spent what seemed to be an inordinate amount of time questioning my sanity for A. representing myself, B. Pleading guilty to the charges and C. rejecting the D.A.'s offer of a NON-binding plea agreement. After he was satisfied that I was competent enough to arrive at my foolish decisions, and that he couldn't talk me into seeking council, he accepted my pleas of Guilty to both charges.
Next he asked the D.A. to explain the reasons for sentence he sought (assistant D.A
the woman I spoke with wasn't present). Then it was my turn.
I handed the clerk a copy of the 2.5 page
explanation and a second courtesy copy to the D.A. A little to my surprise, and a lot to my satisfaction; the Judge (unlike the D.A.) actually read what I had written
maybe twice. When he next looked up, I thought I heard him say he was "flattered", though I know not what would have flattered him. I imagine he was probably a little stunned that a defendant would so thoroughly admit his guilt and accept responsibility for his actions. He then asked me if he understood correctly that I was asking for no probation (I had explained that I currently have an opportunity to take a job that will take me to Costa Rica, if I can put this behind me in short order
which is true, and I also furnished a letter to "whom it may concern" from the company I've been consulting for.) He seemed a bit disappointed
and I'd guess he was thinking along the lines of Probation in lieu of jail. I answered that frankly, I'd like to avoid jail or probation if possible and offered my most earnest smile. To my surprise; he smiled as well and answered that he has to sentence me to something, to which I replied "of course."
Next, in a tone that sounded almost apologetic and reaching for a reason for leniency, he asked if there was any justification for my actions. I replied "none whatsoever" and hung my head ever so slightly in earnest. Next, he states "I don't see anyway around the fact that alcohol was involved (no doubt, insuring treatment for same is the reason they like to sentence probation). To this I responded; "at .37 your honor, I don't know what I was doing upright. I have no recollection from hours before the incident and I'm lucky I didn't lay down in traffic or hurt somebody", with a defeated shrug. (This was followed by a good minute of silent thought collecting). Next, he asks the D.A. about my record
which is a lot of trouble from late 88 to 91, but the only thing recent he read off was the Disorderly Conduct I received in 99? (stepped out onto Lambeau Field after a Packer Game :razz:). Everyone seemed to get a laugh out of that. D.A. finishes with something to the effect of "in light of the defendant's long history of trouble, I think the recommended sentence is justified. I could tell it was my final opportunity to speak, without getting hammered for talking out of turn (happened a couple times :wink:)
so I said " Your honor; I really don't think you'd be protecting society from anything by taking me off the streets. Aside from stepping on the grass at Lambeau field and this display of idiocy; I've been a pretty good guy for a couple of decades.
This must have rung true, because after about 2 minutes of silence and scribbling: He sentenced me to a $400 dollar fine for each offense. I was completely stunned and the D.A. about sh!t himself.
The moral of the story? Sometimes the old "I'm sorry. I was wrong. And, it will never happen again" still trumps any possible defense or excuse making. Chalk one up for the good (bad) guy!
I can't get in any more legal trouble than I deserve. I'm guilty. 
