Need help with teen

Why was he prescribed Zoloft?

Have you had any discussions with his teachers or counselors at school? When you say, 'problems at school', do you mean just academic problems or are there social problems as well?

I'm assuming you're worried that his depression is deepening. How are you thinking he might react?

It is perfectly reasonable to restrict his xbox use. In fact, he needs you to. My 14 year old daughter has depression and anxieties too. If I didn't interact with her teachers and keep on top of her school assignments they would never get done. I recently told her that I was going to call all of her teachers at the end of the week and if there were any missing assignments she wouldn't be keeping her weekend plans (something she had been looking forward to for a long time). When I called the teachers each of them told me they'd never seen her so motivated to get her work done. I've never been one for 'punishments' or negative reinforcement but I needed to something drastic to turn things around.

It might not be a bad idea for your son to have another visit with his therapist. This is a very difficult time of year for anyone with depression and just because he was doing fine in November doesn't mean the long, dark winter hasn't had an impact on how he's doing now.

he sounds like a teenager.

J_B is talking good sense.

You know his school grades are more important than xbox and as parents you've got to reflect this view of reality.

If you feel overwhelmed about enforcing normal standards without Official Backup would family counseling be a possibility?

Parenthood is not a popularity contest. Parenthood is sometimes very unpleasant work--with delayed rewards.

Thanks JB, you make perfect sense. He was prescribed zoloft for depression/anxiety. His problems at school are academic only. He has no problems with his social life. I am in constant communication with his guidance counselor, who feels Brian is giving up on himself. Maybe he does need to see his therapist again. Last year, before he got on medication, he would get very angry. We had never seen him act like that before. He'd throw things, threaten to leave. I know what we have to do but I am concerned about how he will react. My husband and I are going to sit down with him tonight and try to have a calm conversation, but I know as soon as he hears his xbox live is being taken away, he's going to react in a negative way.

Is there any possibility that he's self-medicating with recreational drugs?

I still think that he is acting out like teenagers often do. But that is just my opinion.

Sometimes tough love is the only way - it's certainly happening with my mates this year because we've got our A-level exams pretty soon (aaa 46 days!! 46 days!!) At any rate one of my best mates is actually on a time table: 6 hours specified work a day or no social life - which is a pretty big deal for him as he hates being at home. Maybe rather than threatening to take the X-box away you could come to an agreement about:
If you do your math assignment then you can have half an hour. If you do your English then you can have another half an hour etc. It's bribery and blackmail but hey it might work

jlr
Sounds like a plan. I always liked the idea of both mom and dad enforcing rules, instead of just one parent. I agree with Bella about the teenager stuff. I think most teenagers go through stages of rebelion and they're just testing you.
My son is 17 years old and he still tests me to see how far he can push me every now and again.
I'm a single parent, so it was very difficult for me to try and be mom and dad.
Thankfully, my son has grown to be a very compassionate young man, who I think will do great things in his life.

I will say that it disterbs me to see and hear about so very many kids who are on anti-depressants. I think there are so many other ways to deal with defiant teenager. I know I was pressured to put my son on Ritalin for supposed ADHD and the only problem he had was learning in such a distracting atmosphere. The classes are jam packed and instead of having 1 class clown, there are 3 in each class and of course they had to tell my kid all their jokes while he was suppose to be learning. <Oh, he must have a disorder>
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm not very trusting of psychiatrists who give out these meds for kids, unless of course if a child is bouncing off the walls litterally.
I think it's very emotionally unhealthy for all these normal kids to go through life thinking they have a disorder of some kind. A lot of these "so called" disorders aren't even proven facts. I never believed my son had ADHD and I've even had a few doctors agree with me. I did a lot of research about it and they still don't have any medical proof.
I know it would effect my self esteem if I was told I had a disorder and I would think this would tend to hold a person back from persuing their dreams, thinking that they're not smart enough. Am I making any sense? Don't mind me, it's late, LOL

What I suggest is something that always worked with my son and that's keeping the lines of communications open. Talk with him often and if you think he's depressed, maybe you could all take one night a week and have a family night out. Keep in touch with him and let him know that you're there with him. When he's angry or depressed, go to him and talk with him about it. Once you get talking for a while, I bet he'll tell you what's wrong.
Your son is at a very rough age, but he'll grow out of it with a lot of patience and persistance from you and your husband.




Welcome to A2K and good luck to you :-D

And another thing is the long term effects of some of these drugs is unknown. What studies have been done on children who have taken these things? How many people know that Riddlin is a derivitive of cocaine. We all know the effects of things such as cocaine.

Back in the day, running in the school halls was a serious offense, now having a weapon in those halls is commonplace. Something, somewhere is breaking down.

Intrepid, after I read Albert Ellis, I also apply the ABC rules

When my daughter falls behind in math, then she won't see
any TV (that's her favorite thing to do) until she has understood
her math curriculum. Of course she gets angry and complains
and what not, so be it! In the end, it is my responsibility
to see that she's getting a good education, and next to uncondictional love, that's the second most important thing,
I'll can give my child.

Sorry, CJ I am not familiar with Robert Ellis. Does he write of these things? The ABC thing is something I just came up with as a simple acronymn of what I feel is common sense.

I have been raising a 10 years old granddaughter and a 5 year old grandson for the past 5 years, after raising 1 of my own. I have found a vast difference in the system between then and now.

They wanted to put the girl on riddlin and I flatly refused. I insisted on a meeting with the Principal and 3 teachers that she had and asked them some very pointed questions. It seems, that in reality, she was the same as 90% of the kids in her class. I use the ABC principle at home and I suggested that they, as educators, adopt the same practice with her in school. They did and now, 2 years later, she is getting b's & B+'s

Intrepid, Albert Ellis is the father of all psychoanalysis
and his rational emotive behavioral therapy begins with ABC
(Actions, Belief and Consequences). He is one of the few
who have narrowed down Psychoanalysis to the basics.

So my Action, Benefit, Consequences is somewhat similar. But, of course, I am without a college degree and not a psychologist. :-)

Quite frankly, I use this method when training my dog as well. Every action deserves either a benefit or a consequence. If the correct action is perfored - cooke. If the action is not performed - no cookie. This is very basic and even the dog can understand the benefit or consequence.

I am not comparing children to dogs, but it seems to me that behaviour and behaviour modification methods work for animals they should work for people. I only condone positive reinforcement and never negative. Reward good performance and ignore poor performance. After a while, the good performance usually wins out.

An example of one of the things I suggested that the school do with my grandaughter was give her a sticker on every "good" day. You see, she loved stickers and quickly realized that by conforming to the requirements, she got a sticker in the book. At the end of the week there was a treat if a given percentage was reached. I started with 80% to allow a bit of room for failure without punishment. Then, it became 100% and she was in control of her own destiny as far as the treat was concerned.

In the given situation, the X Box could be the reward for good behaviour, schoolwork or whatever.

The dog is 110 pounds and the children can literally take food out of it's mouth without recourse. They can take her food bowl away and any number of other things and she is not bothered. She also knows over 200 commands and probably even more words.

This being a dog that was rescued from the SPCA when she was 1½ years of age. She had been returned because she was stubborn and aggressive. I saw potential and was not disappointed.

Again, I am not comparing animals to children but if the same principles work---why not? Encouragement and consistent positive reinforcement go a long way. Expect the best and you will get the best. Expect mediocrity and you will get mediocrity.

Your once first lady, Eleanor Rooseveldt once said, "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission" Eleanor was a very wise lady.

Yes, you're doing just the right thing Intrepid, and I admire
you for raising your two grandchildren, they're in good
hands with you

Our school has already a "reward" programm of stars (after
5 stars they get some ice cream), however my daughter
needs another incentive for her math work which can be
challenging at times, but I do agree: the reward comes AFTER
the work is finished.

Our dog on the other hand, is a little spoiled one (also from
a rescue center)

I find that the kids and the dog learn from each other. They all have their triggers, but they also know how to push the buttons. :-)

I was against medication for my son at first also. Unfortunately, he has a genetic predisposition to emotional problems. I started having panic attacks 6 years ago & before I found the right doctor, who found the right combination of drugs for me, I couldn't function. And it came out of nowhere. I still go monthly for my prescription and have been fine. My husband was diagnosed with a chemical inbalance at the age of 20 & he feels he suffered for years before that, not feeling right. He is also on medication and is fine. Last year, my son's grades dropped suddenly. He didn't want to play baseball for the first time since the age of 5. I talked to him, trying to find out what was going on. He recited the words to a song "People say I'm the life of the party
Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue"
It was then that I made appointments for a therapist and psychiatrist. He still struggles with some things, but has been so much better since he's been on the medication. He started his freshman year of hs and did well the first marking period, and it's been going downhill since. We've tried restricting the time he's allowed to use the xbox, but that didn't work. As I expected, after having a talk with him last night, he wouldn't go to school today. I finally convinced him that positive behavior would be rewarded, but negative behavior wouldn't, and he went in late. I see that as an improvement, if this was last year, he wouldn't have gone. We'll take this day by day and see how it goes. I appreciate reading all your thoughts.

hey jlr,

Good job on getting through the night and morning. Late is better than not at all. Rewarding positive behavior has almost always worked here to. I go back to what I said yesterday about a revisit with the T. If this is approximately the same time of year as when he first started to skid last year there might be something seasonal going on.