I dont know if my guy is gay :-/

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I am dating a guy (he's 24) who has stereotypical gay tendencies. I met him through a mutual friend I was dating at the time (we instantly hit it off but obviously couldn't act out on it), and when it didnt work out between our friend and I, he waited a while, then called me up. We've gone on about 4-5 dates now b/c he lives a good hour away and has a very busy work schedule. He has met my roommates and my parents...everyone seems to like him, and I really like him a lot, but he's very 'vibrant.' Even when I first met him, I asked if he was gay. He openly admits he's very extroverted, and he loves to go out and have a good time...Let me give you some examples of things that make me question his persona: he says 'jingle jangle' instead of 'call', he likes to go shopping, he's very cheery and talks kinda fast...uses oh my god, etc. However, there have also been clues that lead me to think he isnt gay: we've talked about what we want in our futures and he says he wants a wife and kids...and also he's Catholic and pretty religious. I dont feel that I can just come out and ask him if he's gay, and from how he's treated ME, I dont think he is...he just has a gay presense!! Anyhow, the only thing that I think would help me figure out is when we get to the point of where we are physically intimate...if he's turned on by me, then I guess he's straight. My only problem is, I take things slow...I'd rather not get attached, and then get physical and realize he's not straight....What do you all think?? Thanks a lot.

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He may be gay and not wanting to accept that he is. And he may or may not come out in the future. Or he may not be gay and just a happy person.

Either way, the only person who can decide is him, and if he isn't ready to come out, he isn't going to come out.

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Well, remember that it's not necessarily either/or. He might be bi.

The only thing that worries me is the Catholic and pretty religious part -- that he is gay and is TRYING to be straight.

You say you did already ask him, and he said no presumably. Not sure if there is anywhere to go from here but to see what happens next physically. And use protection, not that you wouldn't otherwise. (There are a lot of scary stats about women being the largest-growing HIV+ population because of men "on the down low.")

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No, I havent asked him directly...I asked a friend of his if he was. Also, he's talked about an ex-gf. I just dont think he would pursue me if he was gay...he's spent so much money and time on me!! Also, he is a secret service agent, had to go through training etc...not the most feminine job. I just feel like I'm analyzing everything, and I dont wanna fall for this guy and end up getting hurt!

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Oh.

So ask him directly.

Ex-gf doesn't mean anything.

Secret service agent means exactly nothing.

Pursuing you means nothing in particular.

So just go slowly and see what happens.

Or, like, stay single for a while. (Sorry, but your last post really reminded me of someone...)

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me too...

My best friends partner had several girlfriends. And now he is with a man. The past means nothing.

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Catholics are all like that, dont worry. Try this experiment
tell him that youve won a prize from a ticket-tron and you have a choice of either

A Two tckets to see a Broadway Musical
or
B 2 tickets to an Ice Hockey game.

If he chooses the musical, well, maybe he is gay.

I wear lavendar shirts and people ask me if Im gay. I tell em No Im Amish.

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Have you two gotten physical at all? If you've been out that many times and haven't, that may be a clue.

Also, does he talk about having a penchant for going down on guys, drives a Mazda Miata, or listens to the Dixie Chicks? If so, he may be a homosapien.

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Slappy, where do you come up with this stuff?

I agree with Soz. He might be bi, or trying to deny his homosexuality because of his Church teachings.

If you're uncomfortable with the possibility of his being bi or gay, then you need to address it outright. Otherwise, let the relationship take it's natural course and see what happens.

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You did say when you first met him that you asked if he was gay. If he said he isn’t gay and just extroverted then I would believe him. I know several men like this. Does he seem attracted to women? He called you up and you went on dates.

It is always possible that he could be hiding he is gay or bi, but there is no way for you to know for sure unless he tells you so. I had a friend that used to hit on me left and right. He never acted feminine in any way so there was no thought that he was gay. Several years later, I hear and met his live in boyfriend. But then again, you never know for 100 percent if a guy is an ass or not when you are first dating, but you still continue to date in order to get to know him better. He seems like a nice guy and you both get along. I would suggest continue dating him and see; maybe he is just a metrosexual.

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so he likes to take public transortation?

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Good one farmerman.

Here is the definition of metrosexual if you are not familiar:
metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.

Here is an example:
At dinner the other night, my date listed the calorie count of the main entrees, raising an eyebrow at my chicken Alfredo selection after he had ordered a salad. I saw him check his reflection in the silver water pitcher three times. During dessert, he looked deeply into my eyes and told me he thought what we have together is very special. It was our third date.

It was then that I realized why my dating life has been as mysterious as the Bermuda Triangle since I arrived in Washington. This city, unlike any other place I've lived, is a haven for the metrosexual. A metrosexual, in case you didn't catch any of several newspaper articles about this developing phenomenon (or the recent "South Park" episode on Comedy Central), is a straight man who styles his hair using three different products (and actually calls them "products"), loves clothes and the very act of shopping for them, and describes himself as sensitive and romantic. In other words, he is a man who seems stereotypically gay except when it comes to sexual orientation.
—Alexa Hackbarth, "Vanity, Thy Name Is Metrosexual," The Washington Post, November 17, 2003

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And here is another definition of it -

A metrosexual is a clotheshorse wrapped around a dandy fused with a narcissist. Like soccer star David Beckham, who has been known to paint his fingernails, the metrosexual is not afraid to embrace his feminine side. Why "metrosexual"? The metro- (city) prefix indicates this man's purely urban lifestyle, while the -sexual suffix comes from "homosexual," meaning that this man, although he is usually straight, embodies the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men.

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Yes, he could DEF be a metrosexual...but that still wouldnt explain his lingo- ie. use of "jinggle janggle." I know this can be seen in a humorous light...thats fine, but I do like him...and I'm worried about getting in over my head!! Despite all, he is always very energetic, ambitious, happy and he really puts me in a good mood when we're together. We've kissed and thats it so far. So can't tell anything from that. I guess time will tell, and I'll have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best?

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It is always a leap of faith with men. Look at the bright side, at least you will always have some one that will be good to shop with!

By the way, my husband is neither gay nor a metrosexual and he is pretty good to go shopping with and has good taste in clothes. Don't let anyone know this secret.

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Based on your description Amanda2113. I and many others would be considered gay. I assure you I am NOT gay...anything but.

However, if talking fast, enjoying shopping etc. makes one gay, then maybe I am and don't know it :-)

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It's true only time will tell. I think "Metrosexual" guys are a delightful trend, being more open to being People instead of Men.

His age is a bit worrisome.... at 24, he may be constrained by his Catholic upbringing, and maybe would be gay if not for that. He may also be Bisexual, not as uncommon as many of us think.

Relax, have a good time. If he later decides he prefers men as partners, you may still have a good friend. Or maybe I'm being too optimistic?

My advice is: Don't marry him until he's over 30! Then he'll have plenty of time to think about what he really wants out of his life.

"Jingle jangle" is darned cute, if you ask me.

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Also, I once dated a guy in college who had only had relationships with women before.

After we broke up, he decided he preferred men and never slept with another woman again!

He was in his mid-20's at the time.

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Amanda--

Unfortunately life doesn't come with guarantees. Invest six or so months--with condems and come Halloween make some decisions.

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Linkat hit the nail right on the head with the metrosexual bit. I once called somebody on this board a metrosexual and he started to cuss and told me to shutup with my stupid alligations. I had to tell him what it meant.

I however am annoyed at metrosexuls. Here in SJ, Ca, they get all the chicks. It's kind of sad you have to act like a woman to get one.

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I dont know if my guy is gay :-/

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