Clueless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

llkndr- Why are you with a guy with whom you have nothing to say? Do you have interests in common? If not, you might want to rethink your relationship.

I think there's two ways of looking at it

1. These are warning signs that you're not compatible

2. He's shy or unsure and you'll have to draw him out;learn what he's interested in and focus on him

Welcome to A2K- and the differences of the sexes. Males just don't communicate verbally at the high velocity that the female sex is capable of. Most women I know can easily spend hours on the phone with a girlfriend. I don't have any men friends that could (or would want to) do that. It does not mean you are boring, you are just a girl. You might want to read "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus" for little overview on how people communicate. Men tend not to make small talk or to gossip. They tend to avoid what we think of as small talk and speak only when a topic interests them. If men are "small talking" it's usually because they are trying to attract a woman. Most men know that women associate verbal banter with acceptance. It makes us feel liked - we're such suckers.

I once went on hiking trip with a bunch of guys, I was the only woman. Most of the day the men spent pointing and grunting at each other or items of interest. It wasn't until we had to make real decisions about which trail to take or when to have lunch, that sentences were actually formed. I say more to a girlfriend in 30 minutes than these guys said to each other in a whole day.

I think part of the problem is also cell phones. How much real information do we really have to say to each other. I don't have or want a cell. I see people all the time walking down the street saying things like "I'm at the corner of Broadway and 38th and I'm going to go to east side as soon as the light changes..."- with trivia like this be pawned off as information, your boyfriend is probably one of many just trying to give his ears a rest.

It is possible you just don't have much in common, but my feeling is this is just the same problem men and women have been experiencing since we were thrown together in that garden with the fruit tree.

I'm unsure of your ages and how long you've been together, but sometimes keeping relationships new and fun is a bit of a pickle. If you guys talk every night around what time do you call him/he call you? Does either of you work? Being just plain tired can really hamper creative thoughts while on the phone especially when you're trying to keep things new and interesting. A normal conversation would probably involve asking how each other is doing, maybe some things that happened that day, and try relating them to each other. For example maybe you're stopped at a red light and something reminds you of him. Or you can come up with something in your day that you can ask him about that he can talk about. If this is difficult to do, there is usually a reason. Im not buying his shyness unless you guys are a relatively new couple. And as previously stated, if you guys cant keep things interesting thats a rather negative sign on your relationship. How are things different/the same when you two are together?

My husband doesn't talk on the phone. Hardly ever. It isn't that he doesnt' want to talk to me, it is just that he doesn't like the phone. He uses it for the purpose of contacting someone who is far away, not to chat it up. I think Green Witch is right about the male/female difference. Most guys just don't like the phone.

While I can agree with points made by Bella and Green, I think that if a guy is genuinely interested he can keep things new and interesting. It is a challenge sometimes, but I always found that when I'm with someone that I'm fond of, I can make jokes and other speculative talk (small talk?) and it comes rather easily. I am not one to talk on the phone much, but sometimes I felt as if I could talk to some girls all night. And of course other nights I would be too fatigued to keep up with the mind easing banter. That just my take on it. There could be other reasons, maybe he multi tasks on the phone? I don't know but if you guys talk every night and the most you say is hello and goodbye, I would really question the relationship.

I disagree with you wise, when you say that if a guy is genuinely interested he can keep things new and interesting. It is up to both of them to do so. But remember that when you've been with someone for a long time (ie, married) you tend to not NEED to talk every second of ever moment, and rarely on the phone for a long period of time. Sometimes my hubby and I just sit together. You are still at that insecure phase of your relationship, and I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean it as you just haven't gotten comfortable in your relationship and that comfort only comes with time. I would only worry if you don't talk at all while together or he seems to be uninterested in what you have to say. You don't need to talk every night for 20 minutes on the phone to have a good relationship.

I think that on some level there is a need to talk for a set amount of time. She said that he is upset when she says goodbye when the awkward silence comes. A few of my past girlfriends have been waitresses and that sort of thing where they are tired at the end of the night and I always felt that it was up to me to keep things going. Of course it is up to both people in a relationship to even have a good exchange of words with each other, but primarily one person has to know where to expand on things, which things to poke fun at and how to include the other person in dialogue that both parties can accept and contribute to. If he becomes angry when she does say goodbye, it could be that he is in fact nervous and something to that degree. However in your case Bella, you probably see enough of each other to not want to talk on the phone

Actually, we only see each other for a few hours each night, and some times (because of work) we may literally go days without seeing each other and only talk for a few minutes on the phone to touch base with each other. Weekends are not like "normal people's" weekends. He doesn't get Sat and Sun off like I do.

And I am a very vocal person. I love to talk. I will talk to anyone who'll listen. It's just that we don't feel the need to fill the silence. That's what I am saying regarding comfort level.

But, to your credit, everyone and every relationship is different. What works for me might not work for you.

hi llkndr, Welcome to A2K.

Have you tried IMing instead of phoning. For some reason many of my daughters he-friends and boyfriends spend a lot of time IMing rather than talking on the phone. Maybe it's a techy thing or maybe they can control the pace of the conversation better but for some reason the guys seem to prefer it over the phone. My daughter's boyfriend will oftentimes call her up and say, "Can you get online? I need to talk."

I think it is the feeling of not really anonymity but more the feeling I don't have to say this face to face, and the phone is still more personal than IM.

I agree with you bella. But I think if there is awkwardness there and he is upset when she ends the conversation, or lack thereof, that there is a some type of problem.