The death fear.

Yep, several times. Only place to go from here is, "Look, we're happy to see you but only if [bf] is healthy. By healthy I mean no snot, no cough, no sneezing, no rash, no nothing. I do NOT mean 'able to walk even though she has various symptoms of illness'."

That's been the thing, her definition of "sick" is "laid out in bed unable to move."

I don't get how these kids are allowed to come to class? At all the preschools i've worked at there is a "your child cannot return within 2 days of the last symptom" rule. i.e. if the kid turns up and they are still sniffing / coughing / any form of rash they're not allowed in the door!! Makes me wonder about things in the US...

I don't know how you guys cope with looking after kids! I'm bad enough with kids that aren't even my own!! :S And with friends in fact... way back in September when i was looking after one of my mates after his 18th party and we were sleeping in the bathroom i literally woke up every 10 minutes to check on him hehe - i get teased for having over-reactive maternal instinct!! I'm 17 for goodness sake!!

Actually any daycare center that I have researched all have a strict policy on when children can return to school after being sick (i.e. 2 days after fever). In addition, the private school my daughter now attends also has similar type policies.

So, I wonder if some parents just do not tell the teachers that their child was sick.

Probably not Linkat. My daughter attended Montessori Preschool
and is now in a private school. They do have strict policies,
but unfortunately they're not implemented. Actually Preschool was worse than it is now.

It's really up to the teachers to determine if a child is sick and they seldom do. It's mostly the kids themselves who will come and tell the teacher they're not feeling well. Only then will
they be sent to the school nurse.

Yeah, I think that's a big part of it.

Also the schools have a hard time enforcing this stuff. They can only actually send a kid home if it's more clear-cut -- barfing or fever in school, for example.

On top of that ( and I have been guilty of this too )
when kids are small, we dont always NOTICE the symptoms. This isnt an excuse for people like sozlets friends parents.. or my aunt..
BUT, the first 3 days are the most critical in keeping a child away from other kids. Truth is, alot of the sympotms we may not notice until the 3rd or 4th day... by then it is out of control and other kids have gotten it.
So even with the most watchful parent, things like this still happen. And how can a school notice everything?
Our teachers already have 30+ students... I couldnt imagine having to take care of that many kids, let alone thier health problems.
The rules that schools have in place are GREAT.. but IMO an ideal school world would have a thermometer ready for each and every kid as they passed the door way. One point over 100.0 and they would be escorted HOME!

I know one instance where I forewarned the teacher that my daughter was complaining of a stomachache. I did explain that my daughter frequently does this if she is nervous or wants to get out of something, so I have to make a mommy guess what she is feeling. Out of respect for the teacher and also concern for my child, I make the teacher aware of any unusual situations.

Hehe once when i was 5 i complained of tummy ache to mum before school.... my sister (who has major separation anxiety) used to do this a lot, so mum assumed i didn't want to school and took me anyway... it didn't occur to her that I loved school - at any rate, while she was telling my teacher i felt ill i puked on my shoes !!

Happy ending to the bf story... I sent an email saying that we're still being extra careful so if anyone has sniffles or anything, we can do it later, with some chattiness and confirming that we DO want to get together at some point (true.) She wrote back saying everyone's fine well except for some sinus thing, lots of nose blowing, so hmm let's get the kids together another time.

WHEW!

I feel a little bit mean, but I think I got both things I wanted out of it -- no germ-sharing just now, and not torpedoing the relationship.

;-)
Good job standing up to ' the germ gang'!!
So now that the ice is broken , maybe you can slide those key words into any conversation that is about getting together from now on?
Even if it includes a little white lie "" sozlet may have had sniffles.. so i am worried about her coming in contact blah blah blah..is anyone in your house having this??'''
good job!