Power in relationships

If you have ulterior motives in using your power, respectfully
manipulate people into something they never would have
otherwise agreed upon, or take advantage of their shortcomings, than I would consider it unethical
and immoral.

If, on the other hand, you use your "powers" to further
yourself, I don't see anything wrong with it.

The art of seduction? Well many books have been
writen about that one.....

By the way, welcome to a2k mozaiik

I think people who do this are often young. Look at high school, the original den of cruelty, posing, and the manipulation of others.

Hopefully as people grow older they learn that it pays to be themselves. Not Everyone learns this, obviously, but many do. I think people also just stop caring so much about what others think of them.

After all, it's difficult enough to communicate without attempting to manipulate anyone. The exception, perhaps, being salespeople....

Re: Power in relationships
Hi Mozaik,

An interesting question and don't worry about it "being kind of vague". I think that you described it perfectly.

People's reactions depend upon your behaviour. This is a fact. One that can be either accepted or denied.

Having accepted that this will occur, with or without your deliberate usage of this, it seems illogical to ignore this knowledge. If one knows that action A. will result in outcome X., and action B. will result in outcome Y, you merely have the choice of whether outcome X or Y is preferable to your moral code and/or desires and then choose the action to lead the chosen outcome.

Failing to do so would be like touching a hotplate and getting burned yet continuing to do the same because you don't want to admit that your actions have results and/or that such a cruel thing as a hotplate could exist.

The ethics of sincerity can't be decided in a vacuum. I've spent a good bit of social and professional time play-acting for the common good and don't have one bit of guilt about my performances.

Calamity Jane wrote:



Does this rule apply to overtired children at bedtime? What about a verbal and nimble-witted hostage persuading her captor to turn himself in?

Boriskitten postulated:



If you can't experiment with with various versions of your public persona in your adolescent years, when can you experiment? Of course while one adolescent is experimenting, other teenagers are learning to spot phonies.

Theantibuddha takes situational ethics into account:



If in the wee hours of the morning you tell a sloppy drunk he's disgusting, you may well be dealing with an angry, furniture-smashing sloppy drunk. You may not feel like a person of infinite patience and understanding but counterfeiting patience and understanding may avert disaster.

The world is full of bores who love nothing better than a listening ear. You might not feel like humoring a self-centered authority on a personal hobby horse, but when the bore is also your father-in-law or son-in-law or friendly neighborhool banker who will decide on your loan, you'll probably summon some pseudo rapt attention.

Late at night when your car is on the other side of the parking lot, you'd be a fool not to assume a confident, don't-mess-with-me walk until you're safely inside with the doors locked.

Circumstances alter cases.

My take on it is that if you can duplicate feelings or interactions to get certain responses, and you REALIZE it, then be genuine. Do what makes you feel good but don't purposely ruin someone's life. If you choose to be some way, then feel and live that way. Trying combinations that will leave other people hurt is mean and selfish. The way I see it as you can use it for the good of yourself and the good of others. But just be real. And no. Not like the rap songs

Off-the-top-of-the-head stuff here, understand.

Now, my take is that pretty much in any situation not involvin' superior weaponry in the actual hardware sense, power one individual over another is somethin' granted, not somethin' imposed. As a matter of attitude, one chooses, consciously or otherwise, whether or not to grant any other individual any power over any aspect of one's life. Absent actual, or at lest credibly threatened, physical force, or weight of law (which in point of fact implies physical force), who has what power in which regard over whom is up to the one who surrenders that power to the other. If one chooses to be a pawn or victim, one very likely will be manipulated or victimized. If one chooses not to be a pawn or victim, one still might be manipulated or victimized by circumstance, but it will not be by choice.

If A laughs at B for falling over and to make others laugh at B then A is a complete sh*t.

If everybody involved is chuckling in a sympathetic way whilst helping B up and asking if they are alright, then thats ok.

Yes I think actions can effect other people,certain people have this power more than others but if its used in a negative way then they arnt worth pasiing the time of day with!

Yes I have known people like this, yes in hindsight I now see how they minipulated people included me,yes I can now see right through them,yes they pee me off,yes I see they are insecure,yes I am stronger because of it.I dont need that kind of negativity in my life!!!!Grrrr.

A story my mother told me that has resonated over the years: she was at a dance in NYC in the 30's, and needed to freshen up. In the ladies', there was a young woman seated next to my mother at the mirror, a desperate look on her face, make-up scattered all over the dressing table. She looked at my mother, sighed deeply, and said, "God, It's so difficult to be beautiful."

This anecdote immediately spoke to me, and, although the principal player was a woman, it was easy for me to internalize the message: if you are putting all kinds of effort into creating a persona, you are missing out on fun you could have just being yourself. Generally, people relate best to folks who are comfortable with who they are. If you're shy, be shy; if you're extroverted, be an extrovert. If you're genuine, this attractive quality will be sensed.

There is a radar we all have that tells us when we are watching an act. A mild act, put on for amusement or to protect feelings is agreeable, BUT a serious act--not meant to be readily detected-- is, to me, a warning signal that I may find this person wearing--or, worse, that he/she may lie to me as well as to himself or herself.

When I meet strangers in a social situation, I gravitate towards those who seem comfortable in their own skins--in gesture, in conversation, in dress. Generally, these people are fun to be around.

Good story and wise words.