a long story about an affair and my feelings I have now...

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I'm feeling very confused and looking for some kind of answers about why I feel like this. So here's my long story...I'll try not to drag it too long!!!!!!

I've been married for 23 years to the good man that loves me and I love him....but...recently I met a man that I have fallen head over heels in love with, this man is a very caring, romantic woosy and I just love him to pieces!!!!!!! We are so much the same it's uncanny and I can't help but think we were meant to be together. I have broken it off with the lover though. My husband knows about my affair and wants me to stay with him forever. I would like to try somehow to make things work again in my marriage but I can't get my lover out of my mind. I miss him terribly. The problem I am having that I really don't know how to get over is that now I'm resentful toward my husband because all throughout our marriage he never showed me affection in any sort of a romantic way but now that he knows that my lover is very affectionate and that's what I was hungering for...he's now acting like the sweetest most caring man I've ever met to the point of it's making me annoyed and it's getting on my nerves!!!!!!!!!!!! I even told him I was mad that he was NOW acting like that and why didn't he show affection to me earlier before I had to go and fall in love with someone else? His answer was that I should have talked to him about how I was feeling and my answer was to him that if I had he would have told me to "get a life woman! That Sh** only happens in the movies!" He agreed too! That's exactly what he would have said!!! How in the world do I begin to feel love toward my husband when I'm so deeply in love with my lover and I want to be with him and not my husband??????????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I can think about is how badly I miss my lover!!!!!!!!

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Threesacrowd,

Have you and your husband tried counselling yet? If not ....you should.

Your marriage has no chance, as long as you are still in love with the other man.

I can understand you feeling like your husband is giving you too much/too late. But I have alot of respect for him. He has alot to deal with too, ya know. Yet - he is trying. Most men/women would not deal with infidelity well at all. He is not only dealing with it by wanting to keep your marriage together......he is trying to give you the things he should have been giving you all along. He must love you, dearly. Smile

Twenty-three years is alot to throw away. Crying or Very sad

Just a thought in my head, is that if I were in your shoes ...I would wonder if my lover were really half the man that my husband is. I just wonder about the true integrity of someone that would have an affair with a married person. I know GOOD people make mistakes, too. Just, that if it were me ...... somewhere in the back of my mind - I would be a bit unsettled about that. Even though I made the mistake right along with him by sleeping with him while I was married.

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You have chosen to stay in your marriage and to build a better relationship with your husband.

Here is a link that will help you to understand your feelings and help you to restore the love in your marriage:

Infidelity:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

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My deep seated belief is your husband deserves a second chance. His apparent ability and desire to ride it out and try his utmost to win you back earns all kinds of plaudits from me. In my mind comes a list of pros and cons for both for you to consider. Then you might as well throw it away because I'm sure your heart will decide.

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This isn't something that is going to be resolved in a few days or weeks or even months. I think you might have felt you were being taken for granted. If so, it took many years for you to get to that point and it's going to take a while for you to build trust that your husband's recent actions are sincere and not simply a reaction to your affair. I don't think it will take years, but it will take awhile.

I think you've done a good thing by breaking off the affair and trying to get your marriage back on track. Hopefully, with time and perhaps outside counselling you might even have a better relationship than you ever had before.

You say you and your husband still love each other. That's the foundation. Now you need to work together to rebuild the walls and roof of your relationship. It probably won't look much like the old one, but that could be a good thing.

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted if you choose.

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We always want what we can't have. Instead of focusing on what you lost, focus on what you will gain by remaining faithful to your husband and building a new relationship with him.

Best of luck to you.

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a long story about an affair and my feelings I have now...

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