How should I react to this?

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Was hoping some of you can shed some light or insight on to something about someone who puzzles me yet I think I am in love with so here goes.

When I moved here to study about one and a half year ago, this being my second major so I'm well past 20, I happened to run into someone from my old high school. I recognized her but she didn't know me, but we started talking and were hanging out for a while, seeing each other, going places and such.
The thing took the wrong turn as she had been one of those girls you notice but never talk to, or at least that was the case for me. She's very smart and cute and so. I fell for her, totally. She, on the other hand, was platonic and also talked about how she hated when guy friends couldn't be just friends. Well, keeping these emotions locked up is never right so I tried telling her once to establish some boundaries. I think she knew what was about to happen so she just made a quick departure and started avoiding me from then on, seems she got really scared of the whole situation and just wanted it to go away. That was about four weeks from when we met.

We haven't spoken since then (1.5 yrs ago) until very recently, two-three weeks ago now.

Since then I've been with someone else who turned out to a very bad experience so I don't want to rush into something new too soon.

But as life has it, never what you expect, this girl has been acting differently to me lately and even more ironically, we have both me elected to the board of an association so we meet at least every second week, and also informally.
I've also noticed things about her behavior, how she looks at me and how she stands closer to me than she needs to and so on or maybe I am just imagining things. Smile

I, on the other hand, realized that none of my feelings are gone, I could be in love. At least I got all that sweetness, all the symptoms are there but I've promised myself to keep a cool head and since she decided she didn't want any of me the last time I was thinking am going to let her take the initiatives this time, IF things are they way I think.

So, people, how should I act? Should I be flirting or what? I don't want to cause a new mess by making her feeling pressured, because I think that was what happened last time or it was total miscommunication. I don't want to misinterpret things so maybe letting her do the moves would be safer?

Like I said, she's a wonderful person and there's nothing I'd rather want than to things between us develop in a romantic way but I don't know how to go about making it without breaking it.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

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Since then I've been with someone else who turned out to a very bad experience so I don't want to rush into something new too soon.

dexterman- Welcome to A2K!

I think that you already know your answer. Right now, you are still recovering from a bad relationship. Even though you cared for your old high school chum before this bad relationship, right now you are in transition.

IMO, I would "cool it" and remain simply friends. When coming off a relationship, a person needs time to take stock, to understand why the relationship failed, and to develop strategies for having healthier relationships in the future. It is counterproductive for you, at this time of your life, to jump into a new, serious relationship.

Remain friends, and enjoy each other, but give yourself time to heal from the bad relationship. If there is a spark between you and your high school friend, it can wait until you are ready to develop it. Good luck!

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Thanks for replying.

While I appreciate your advice I feel it is a stage that I have passed through already, it's been a long time now. I am not someone to rush into something new headfirst not a rational thought in my mind but it feels like time to start something with someone new.

I'd like to know where this could lead even though I am puzzled by her behavior and was mostly looking for some insight into how I should understand her actions.

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I would say that you need to just observe, and use your best instincts. You don't know what has been going on in HER life in the recent past. It is possible, that now she is older, she is seeing you with more mature eyes and is appreciating what she sees.

Unfortunately, I am not a mind reader. Just take it slowly. Be warm and friendly, and let things develop naturally.

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Welcome to A2K dexterman. It sounds like you have the right idea. So many things change in a woman from high school through life. Oftentimes it takes a while for someone to realize how attractive someone else is -- especially if they've known them for a long time. Let her take the initiative, and enjoy the flirting.

Good luck!

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If you really want to get down to what is / could be going on between you two.. why dont you start a conversation with her like this:

I wanted to apologize for my behavior a year ago. i know you said it made you uncomfortable to hear male friend suggesting they had feelings for you. I just could not stay quiet. Do you forgive me?

No promises that you will stop, no suggesting you want to try again.. just open the door to the topic with an apology. That works

Listen well to her answer. You will hear what she needs to say then. At the very least, you are attempting to clean the slate with her and that may be a bonus in YOUR court later on!
Good luck!

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Hmmm i'm not so sure - cos to me that blatantly screams "i know that's in the past and forgotten... but i wanna bring it up again.... cos i still love you." Or worse if she has changed her mind and does like him then it could be interpreted as "i've picked up on the signals you're sending so i want to remind you that we agreed to be just friends".
Trying to be sneaky is NOT a plan

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I think Shewolf has it right: the only way to know how she's feeling is to talk to her. We can only guess, and would probably be wrong.

Shewolf has some great ideas for starting a conversation. Why not give 'em a try?

Best of luck to you!

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Im not saying be SNEAKY about what you are talking about.
In starting a conversation with an apology you are acknowledging that you DID cross a boundry with her BEFORE and you realize NOW that it wasnt a good thing to do with HER.
Not addressing the subject of wether or not you will STOP isnt being sneaky, it is just not making a promise you can not keep.
When you -open- a conversation you are starting to communicate. In this conversation the subject will go where ever SHE feels comfortable and no where else. This gives her the apology she may FEEL she needs from you , the acknowledgement of your feelings she MAY want, and an opportunity for both of you to lay some boundries or exchange phone numbers.
The conversation just STARTS with the apology, it doesnt end there. ;-)

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Wow, thanks for the advice! You guys certainly know the rules of dating!

What struck me as strange back then was how she seemed oblivious to my interest in her, or what it meant. I can be friends with women but when you run into an old high school crush, well, some things happen, by rules of nature. So maybe she's as bad at reading people as I am sometimes, but my hunches are usually right so I try and go with them as often as I can and they tell me now that I should wait and see what happens.

So, to your suggestion I was thinking of talking about what happened that time back to break the ice, but that was before she started talking to me.
But since she started talking with me again, not avoiding me I figured she'd changed her mind or thought it was safe to still hang out with me, friends or more. I was acting the same way toward her ever since it happened, but we usually said hi when we ran into each other and later she even offered a big smile when we met.

And now I catch her sometimes looking at me that way but when we're with others she is a lot more reserved and even though I can't help seeking her face, she seems less interested. But at least she doesn't shun my interest, it's more like she enjoys it but ignores it most of the time. When it's just us she's all smiles and jests.
I have no idea if she is seeing someone or not, wouldn't guess or ask, but we'll be seeing each other more informally so the chance of striking up a conversation will happen more naturally, plus she talks a lot! It's never hard to speak with her, she has a lot of interesting things to say. I just don't want to push her into a situation or remind her, it could both be a closure or a forceful opening, I never put it verbatim how things were and I don't want to do it now, just not yet. Seems to me things are rather clear, she sees my interest and knows what it meant from the past, but this time she actually chose to be around me, not avoiding it. It could either mean she tolerates it or she's interested too. Too early to tell.

And I already have her phone# since before. :wink:

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It sounds to me like a classic case of "old ghosts". To make them go away you should make a move either way, tell her about it!

You could also invite her to see the film "When Harry met Sally" to introduce the subject.

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Yeah but that was like 1.5 yrs ago. But yes, she is my type and I do want her. I'm just not going to force this situation into some kind of resolution of that kind, it would be a very bad idea.

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Hello guys,

Two months and not much change. I'm posting hoping you guys could help me decide whether I should just let this go or forget about it all.

Ever since I wrote the last posts we have been seeing each other on a frequent basis, we're working together on a board of an association so we get to see each other often. From my point of view we have a lot in common and a lot to share. We spend much time together when we do meet, it's natural and I feel there's more to it. The way she acts toward me tells me there's more to it, her glances, looks and behavior.
Yet sometimes she avoids me, ignores me and acts less than just platonically friendly. It tells me I should back off. I do not want to come off as jealous or controlling, but it's hard to keep that kind of emotions wrapped up inside and not let it show, even though it is something I have learnt to control as I've grown older.

She is a free agent and obviously has no more interest in me than any other guy who would happen to come around, which I've been witness to myself enough much. I can't change that and I don't think there's much I can do other than hanging around and see what happens. Still, it would be wise not to miss out on other opportunities.

What do you do in a situation like this???

Like I said before, I'm crap at dating!

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It seems that the current situation will continue until one of you takes it to the next level. Why not ask her out for dinner at a "Gotta wear a tie" restaurant so there is no confusion that it is a date. Durring dinner you could attempt to explain your true feelings and judge her response. If she backs off, do some damage control during desert and end the night still freinds.

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You're saying that then. You're probably right. I just don't want to make another mess, which I might, judging from how she took it last time I tried to be honest. This entire reaching and then retreating is what makes it so difficult to deal with it, I'm just trying to keep my head cool and don't overreact.

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Tell her you want to be with her. If she likes the idea this time then you have what you wanted. If she doesn't like the idea then you have your answer and can move on.

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I only read your post recently. back in march i probably would of told you to wait for her to make the first move. If she didn't make one, i was going to to tell you to make move. That's what you got to do. Ask her out. What do you have to loose. You'll regret it if you don't try.

PS: that whole, "why can't guys and girls just be friends." thing gets on my nerves. Espcially when if comes from women.

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How should I react to this?

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