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Mon 27 Aug, 2018 12:38 pm
So this boy and I had been friends since childhood. I had always harboured feelings for him, but he rejected me when I confessed to him years ago. He also has a reputation for being a fuckboi, and dated one of my close friends for a short while. After my confession, we grew distant and he went to another school. He came back after finishing his studies. By this time, he had broken up with my friend and dated a few girls and had a reputation of cheating. I dated one guy briefly and liked a few, but I am not the kind of girl guys get easily attracted to so I remained alone. After he came back, we kind of reconciled and talked and slowly we became good friends. I have never been able to let go of my feelings for him since he was my real first crush. I know he is not a good guy and that he's too good looking to actually like an acne-faced and chubby girl like me.
But then after I started uni, he started flirting. It was subtle, and I went with the flow as well. I have always been the kind to not care if I was rejected or not, so it did not matter to me if he was just being flirty for nothing.
But then I never stopped liking him. And I confessed to him today. He told me he would call me soon, which will be in a few hours I guess. First of all, I don't want to hurt my friend since she was in a relationship with him and went through a bad time. I also know he's not a good guy and honestly now that I've finally told him I like him, I think I might not really care if nothing ever happens between us. I would like a relationship but at the same time I don't think it's worth my friendship with the girl or HIM actually, and I don't want our old friends to judge us.
I need advice. What should I do? Be as judgemental as you want. I need honest opinions and I don't care if they are hurtful.
@hqnaaa,
Depends on what you mean by wanting a relationship. If friends (actual friends) with benefits is ok with you, he sounds like a good bet. If you think you can have fun having sex with him, do it. If things seem like they'd be full of drama, don't bother.
Your friend dated him briefly. As long as it was a while back (which it must be as he dated other people since then) and not just weeks ago - she's got no claim on him.
You're in university. Most relationships and friendships you have now won't last past university - enjoy your time there. Don't worry too much about the long-term ramifications (other than making sure that you're practicing safe and healthy sex).
Trust your gut. You are now having second thoughts about this guy and the idea he now knows you have feelings for him.
You have grown up and have seen things about him. He’s not of good character. You had a crush on him years ago, but he’s not so cool now.
No need to do anything more than just be casual friends.
@hqnaaa,
So, we talked yesterday. And he said that he wants to try it out, even if I was emphasising the fact that it might create problems in our friends' circle. I think it'll be fine if I try it out and I can always stop it when I want. Since he's been a crush since forever, I think it'll be good to try and work this out and see if anything comes out of it.
(Confession: I actually don't feel as ecstatic as I had hoped to feel that he has finally agreed to be in a relationship with me. So, if this ends, no matter when, I don't think it'll hurt me too much so I guess that's great.)
@ehBeth,
My friend dated him four years back. It's been long, but still I can't help but feel a bit ashamed(?) since she is a very close friend and I don't wanna look like I'm betraying her.
@hqnaaa,
hqnaaa wrote:he has finally agreed to be in a relationship with me
here's the thing
you can't agree to be in a relationship at this stage - you're not even dating yet. relationships don't happen because people say they are going to happen. they develop.
relax
invite him out - make it clear you're inviting him on a date rather than just a friend hang-out. you both need to see how things go as a dating couple.
@hqnaaa,
Absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.
You can let her know that you are going to try dating this guy. Don't discuss it with her, just let her know. Do NOT say you are starting a relationship with him. Nobody knows if a relationship will develop from dating. Nobody.
And whatever else - do not discuss things with your circle of friends and make sure birth control is sorted out now.
@hqnaaa,
My girlfriend and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary. We are best friends for 7 yrs and the time came when we just realized that we should take our friendship to the next level. I think in love, it will always require risk specially if that person is worth risking for.
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