I hate myself

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I hate myself. I am an African American gay male in his 40s and I had a hook up with a white guy in his 50s and we had a fwb situation for a number of years. I caught feelings and he stated that he did not feel the same way and was pursuing other me (the part that gets me is that he was sharing personal and family and career things with me but never invited me out and I never spent the night. I felt crushed but still continued having sex with him until he broke it off completely and I finally agreed...We spent a year apart and I pursued my education and I graduated top of my class, he came "back" and wanted to "talk" he invited me over and then we ended up in bed and presumed to pick up where we left off. We agreed to not talk about other people. He then sent me a picture of the guy's dick while he was "thinking" of me, I exploded and went off completely and promptly broke it off...So why do I hate myself so much....? B

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@bmorr,

I think this is a job for therapy. Gets some tools to bolster your self-esteem. You deserve better, and I think you're realizing that and pretty soon that anger you're feeling will change direction and go where it's supposed to -- against this insensitive guy.

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You sure you hate yourself?

How about you hate how you feel - betrayed, disappointed, shocked, offended, sad ... you can list it all.

Question - why did you go back with a guy who wasn’t there emotionally for you? YOU changed, grew up, matured - and he stayed the same. Let you down then; let you down now.

Dodge a bullet and move on from him. He’s a user.

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@bmorr,

I don't think colour has anything to do with why this went wrong.

"we had a fwb situation for a number of years"

"So why do I hate myself so much".

You already know the answer, though hate is such a strong word one that I won't use. If you don't love yourself, how are you expecting to find someone that will love you?

You went into it knowing it was fwb but hoped it would turn out to be more.

You are angry at yourself, for allowing it to go on, and on, and on, and on into years . Angry at yourself, to have gone back after dusting yourself of only to feel worse and walk.

Love yourself.

Go seek help to do that.

Then you will find love in return.

1 Reply

@jespah,

That's why I was so upset with myself. I went back when I didn't need to or shouldn't have. I hope that I never see him again. One thing is for certain, I will now be someone quite different than what I am now.

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@PUNKEY,

I feel disappointed in myself because I was weak but I feel shocked because we had an agreement and he did not respect it. I feel offended because of the color thing which is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ******* prevalent in the gay community and I feel sad because I really should've know better. This has made me deeply depressed and not even wanting to go outside...He is a user and I did dodge a bullet but I want to beat his ass! I can't help that part which is why I have stayed to myself

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@FOUND SOUL,

I think that I am done with "love". When I recover from this: I promise from now on, hook-ups will likely be the way to go. No more relationships for me. I am learning my lesson big time

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@jespah,

I'm just so ******* angry right now! I can't help myself!

1 Reply

@bmorr,

As you should be - he’s an ass&ole.

Take some time and be angry ( who the hell does he think he is?) then let it go ( you deserve better)

Don’t put this exclusively into a racial insult. This guy is a creep on so many levels- why wouldn’t it also be about race, too?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

First of all, thank you so much for speaking to me. I am afraid of even showing a picture of myself right now. I am taking some time to be angry. I just wish that I could get past this sooner rather than later. I can't believe he just...I do believe that it could be about race too to a large degree because of the way that he fetishes us. Just a flat out creep and I was a fool to fall for him. I am disgusted with myself to the point to where I am working out 3X a day because of this...

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@bmorr,

I totally understand, your upset, angry and off course you feel this way but it's out there, if you love yourself first, it will happen.

Respect... In-other-words of yourself

Take care

1 Reply

@bmorr,

The end of a relationship (particularly a rather long one) can feel like a death. So you may be going through a standard grief model. See: https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

Note: I am not a doctor. In fact, none of us who've answered you are. We're just people who answer a lot of these kinds of questions and we don't want people to suffer.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

Thank you for that. I want to say that I am confused but I'm more insulted. To send me another picture of another guy's private part and then say that "it reminds me of you" is not a compliment to me. That is my limit. When guys do that, I have to count my losses and that's what I did. I guess that's respect.

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@jespah,

I am angry but it is starting to feel like the depression portion. I just took the pains to blocking him on my phone. He can't call or message me. I know that you all aren't doctors but to go through this alone is not a good thing.

1 Reply

@bmorr,

We're here 24/7 (er, the site is. We do sleep Very Happy

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@jespah,

I'm trying to tell myself that I have been proactive in telling him to go to hell and blocking his number.

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@bmorr,

Hey there! You certainly should not hate yourself. It was a complex situation you were in, trust me - I've been in an almost identical situation myself and it hurt deeply. My ex wasn't an a$$hole at all, but I was falling for him way too hard and he didn't know what to do...granted, we were seeing each other all the time for a year.

But seriously, do not hate yourself.. pick yourself up, dust off, and take the time to heal and become yourself again. Therapy is always an option, but time truly does heal all wounds.

If you ever wanna chat, im.here for ya.

Remember.. be food to yourself

Dave

1 Reply

@Centflguyhere ,

I have been going therapy in order to deal with what has happened. I can not believe I allowed myself to fall for that asshat. I sense that he has been calling me from an unlisted number. I decided that enough was enough and I have sworn off dating because gay men are just so messed up now

0 Replies

I hate myself

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