The Pressure to “Pick a Side”: Living Between Extremes

By Linda Athanasiadou, bisexual writer and LGBTQ+ advocate
When I came out as bisexual, I didn’t realize how many people—both within and outside the LGBTQ+ community—would try to categorize me. There’s a constant pressure to “pick a side.” Am I gay enough? Am I straight enough? The binary lens through which so many people view sexuality simply doesn’t account for someone like me.
This expectation to fit neatly into one of two boxes is exhausting. Bisexuality, by its nature, challenges the binary. It asks the world to accept that attraction can exist across genders—not as a phase or confusion, but as a legitimate identity. And yet, the world often wants clarity, simplicity, certainty. People seem more comfortable when they can label you with confidence. But for bisexuals like me, that’s where the discomfort begins.
According to the 2025 GLSEN report, over 68% of bisexual youth report feeling marginalized even within LGBTQ+ spaces, with many saying they feel they have to "prove" their queerness. This invisibility has real mental health impacts. The Williams Institute continues to report that bisexual individuals, especially women, face higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation than both heterosexual and gay/lesbian peers.
Linda Athanasiadou LGBTQ+ identity exists in this space between extremes—and living in that space can be deeply isolating. When I date a man, I hear comments like, “So you’re straight now?” When I date a woman, it flips to, “Oh, so you’re gay after all.” No matter who I love, someone seems to believe I’ve crossed over some imaginary line. But I never crossed anything. I’ve always stood exactly where I am.
Bisexuality isn’t about halves or indecision. It’s about authenticity. It’s the honest truth of who I am, not a stepping stone or a compromise. And yet, because our society is so heavily influenced by heteronormativity, bisexuality is often dismissed as not “real enough.” These assumptions can create internalized doubt, even shame.
Living between extremes requires courage. It means resisting the urge to perform queerness for validation or to downplay it for comfort. It means embracing nuance, holding space for complexity, and staying rooted in truth even when others don’t see it. As Linda Athanasiadou LGBT writer, I’ve learned that queerness doesn’t require external confirmation to be valid. It just is.
So if you’re bisexual and feel stuck between worlds, I see you. You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to pick a side. You are not in between—you are whole.