I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts

I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts
Sorry this is a long one, I previously wrote on my topic "Help I can't get over my ex":

This past September My girlfriend for two yars broke up with me, When I met her she was an emotional wreck she had just broken up with her boyfriend who she absolutely loved she lived with him for a little less than a year. This was a guy that was still married but on the verge of getting a divorce and eventually got one, she moved in with him and he would keep her a secret from his ex wife and he would tell his kids when they would visit him that she was a cousin that way they would not go back and tell their mother. He broke her so bad he lied to her, he abused her emotionally and one time pulled her hair and shook her head from side to side so bad that it strained her neck oh! yeah I forgot left her in $15,000.00 in credit card debts, after taking all that she left him. Four months later I came into the picture, I met her through a friend that I worked with; we began to talk and she realized that she could confide in me, after a couple of months of dating we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I payed for her ex-boyfriends sins so bad, I was the hand that reached out to her when she was drowning, through her depressions, through her panic attacts that she would get, I really and truly mean that this guy F*%@ed her up so bad emotionally she even had trouble sleeping.

So I helped her buld her spirits she got out of the debt that she was in I helped her become strong, we had everything that made a relationship perfect, trust, respect and everything that mad a relationship emaculate. One day she called me and told me that she was not happy and wanted to explore diffrent avenues this broke me in two, I loved this woman with everything and to find out that she cared for me alot but did not love me.
I wrote her a letter and told her how I felt and shoe told me that I am the most awsome person that she had ever met and that I didn't know how much she would have liked for us to work out but it just was not going to.

Since then I have been trying to move on its been hard but I take it one day at a time some days it does not hurt at all but somedays it does. Her and I did not end our relationship on a sour note so we still talk as frends. Yesterday I spoke to her and I found out that she was seeing her ex-boyfriend again, I mean what the F*%# is her problem did she not get enough of what this Mother F*&%er did to her. I have a cell phone that she bought for me and I pay the monthly bill. He told her that she did not want for her to be speaking to me anymore and just wanted for me to mail her the money. She says that he find me to be a threat. She has alot of anger twards him and they argue alot, well she told me that it would be best if I was not to call her and just mail her the money every month untill she figued out what she was going to do, she cares for me alot as a friend and would call me on the side. I am so mad at the vurge of hating her I helped her so much, helped her heal and find herself so that guy can be by her side and not me or someone else who deserves her. I deserve to for all the **** I went throgh with her not him it's not fair that he F*%*ed her up and I put her back together and he is with her, and now she is telling ME a person that was there for everything who loved her unconditionally and through thick and thin not to call her. She chose him over me and I hate her for it. I don't desrve to be called on the side or hidden we establised that we were friends. I told her that I would always be her friend and if she ever needed to speak to me she knew where to get ahold of me but I am so hurt for the way she just threw me away like nothing. Am I wrong for being so upset, I am so confused because I am so mad at her and I want to hate her but I can't, what do I do? Does she even deserve or need a person like me in her life, I am just so afraid that she will get hurt again and I don't know if I want to go through that again.

Thank's for taking the time to read this.

Like a moth to a flame, she went back to her old boyfriend. I'm sure he made lots of promises that things would be different this time. And, she still loves him; she wants to believe him; she wants to be with him.

That leaves you on the outside looking in. As much as this hurts you, she has made her choice. There is nothing you can do about it. Most likely, she will be hurt again. But it's her life and she will learn from her own mistakes.

Sure, you can wait in the wings for the day when her renewed relationship falls apart again. You can pick up the pieces and be her shoulder to cry on. Most likely, you will be her comfort man until she heals and is ready to move on . . . again.

You don't have to put yourself through this. You can choose to emotionally distance yourself from this woman and move on with your life. For your sake, I hope you do.

Best wishes.

Jason I am going through the same thing with an ex of 5 months also. Hang in there. three years ago I thought i'd never get over my ex before that. then I met my current ex. I'm now looking for the next ex to make me forget about the last. LOL

I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts
Thanks for all your helpful advice, I just don't understand why she would even consider going back with him if he was such a horrible person to her, I mean this guy was satan to her. I know this relationship is going to go nowhere, in my mind I want for her to fall on her ass with this relationship so bad, I want reality to slap her in the face so hard that it breaks her jaw. And when it happens I want her to realize that she no longer has me there to run to, because she has run me off.

But at the same time I wish her all the best because I care for her so much and there is a part of me that still loves her. And if she hurts I don't want her to feel pain I want to take it away. I hate that guy so much for everything that he did to her, but your right Debra she is going to have to learn from her own mistakes AGAIN.

She has made her decision she is with him and not me; she has decided for me not to call her so that it will not strain her current relationship more than it already is; as much as it hurts I have to walk away, there is no room for me there in her life anymore.

I just wish that she would realize what she had with me was far more emmaculate than what she has settled for. I want her to miss me and realize that she lost the best thing that she ever had in her life. I just want her to feel the pain that I feel because of her. I just though that I ment more to her than a peice of trash you can just toss over your shoulder. I'm in a whirlpool if mixed emotions, thanks for the support Tenoch and Debra.

Re: I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts


You are a bundle of emotion . . . but this is unhealthy thinking. She chose another man over you, and this was devastating to you. But thinking about physically harming her is unacceptable.

Just don't place yourself in the position to pick up the pieces again when her relationship fails. Stay out of her life and move on with your own.

Best wishes.

I would never in my life think about harming her in any way what so ever that is not me. What I ment when I wrote that I wish thet reality would slap her in the face so hard that it would brake her jaw. I ment that I hope the truth would slap her in the face. The truth that he is no good, that he is just making her empty promesses and that she is going to get hurt, and when she does I won't be there to help her this time because she has hurt me. I would not care if she was with someone who truly cared for her and respected her but he does not, and I spent two years of my life with her trying to make her see that he was no good and it was to no avail.

I understand. You want him to HURT her SO BAD that she is left in pieces . . . but that's YOUR HURT talking.

Do you really want her to be hurt? or do you want her to be happy?

I understand that you spent two years of your life being her comfort man and letting her cry on your shoulder . . . but those two years are the past.

Don't let your past ruin your present and your future. I wish you the best.

I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts
I wish her the best.

Thanks Deb, BTW are you in the legal field? I was just wondering because your name is Debra_Law.

Very good Jason.

Forgiveness is the first step to healing. She used you . . . and she really didn't KNOW she was using you . . . but she did. She used you for comfort as she healed from her pain . . . and as soon as she felt strong enough . . . she went back for more.

You invested considerable time, effort, and emotion into this woman and she threw it away. You need to forgive her for throwing you away . . . not for HER sake, but for YOUR sake.

And then you need to understand that people can't use or abuse you (or your trust) unless you allow them to do so. And so . . . remember . . . if she used you once, shame on her. If she uses you twice, shame on you.

Just don't place yourself in the position to allow her to use you again. There are plenty of healthy, emotionally stable women in this world who will love you and appreciate you if given the opportunity. If you cling to your past hurt, you won't be able to open your heart to someone new. Your woman is out there . . . and you will find her if you move forward with your life.

I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts
Thanks allot for all of your helpful advice debra, you have really been a great help in helping me clear up my thoughts and emotions. This week has just been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster for me. And to be honest with you; you are right, she has chosen to move on without me, it makes no sense what so ever for me to be moping around like a fool. I do forgive her it's just that it hurt a little to find out the decision that she made.

But oh well, it's her life and her decision she will find out on her own. Just want you to know debra that I appreciate you taking time out of your day to help me in my situation, if there is anything that I can ever help you with or if you just need some advise or someone to talk to( or need any legal representation in Texas J/K) don't be a stranger, thank you.

i know how you feel dude. i was always there for my now "ex" and she ended up cheating on me for three months once she got better from her problems. i gave up all my friends and everything for her. now i sit at home all the time while she has moved on. 5 months ago and im still not over it:(

I am somewhat over my ex but it still hurts
Sorry to hear that mike love is a Motherf*$@#er isn't it; I am not fully over my ex either. This past weekend I went to South Padre Island with 4 of my friends for spring break. I had a great time, throughout the entire weekend I did not think of her even once, that is until you come back home and you hear a song that reminds you of her or other little things here and there. I guess what I came to realize is if we can do other things that keep our entrest or just simply keep our minds going and not thinking about her or things that remind you of her, it will turn into the norm and eventually we will get used to not thinking about them. There is a whole world out there, both your ex and mine have chosen to move on without us for whatever reason, but it is their loss. If they have moved on with their life why should we sit around and mope and cry while they are out living. For all we know they can be miserable in their current relationship. But one think is for sure Mike they will never find guys like us again, and when they get hurt again they are going to realize what they actually had because we won't be there, hang in there it's a rough ride. Why not call your friends and patch things up i'm sure they will understand.