Fri 6 Jul, 2018 10:55 am
Hi all. I havent done this before (seeking advice online) so I'm not sure if this is even the right place to do it, but I'm gonna try either way.
I am a 25 year old guy in a 2 year relationship with a 22 year old guy. it is the first time for both of us in a same sex relationship. I am mainly attracted to guys, while my partner identifies as bisexual, although he is very confused about his sexuality, as in his words 'it can change on a daily basis'. We are very much in love with each other throughout all this time, we fill each other's gaps, it is really good.
However, I dont know how to deal with my boyfriend's attraction towards girls. Even though we are sexually active, we only have had sex (penetration) twice and never again, since he said he didnt enjoy it. He was the top one. He is keen on trying it again, as long it feels nice. He also isnt that interested in sexual activities in general, regardless of gender (he has only had one girlfriend before for a few months and they didnt have sex).
Recently he told me that we havent been doing sexual stuff that often because these times he was in his "straight" mood (bad expression, but helps me explain it) and that sometimes when he wasnt into me sexualy but we engaged eitehr way, he was thinking of girls in order to keep going. He strognly claims that he is attracted by me mainly, noone else and these phases have just been his bisexual needs, which I believe.
However I cant help feeling betrayed, since I am giving myself wholly to him and he obviously hasnt. It has caused me great pain as it feels a lot like cheating, when we are in these intimate, private moments for him to think of other people. I dont mind that it's girls, I mind that it's other people. For me a relationship means commitment. I could be thinking of other guys, but I'm not. I hope you see the point I'm trying to make.
I'm not sure I have expressed myself properly or thoroughly, so if you need any more info, ask away. But please help two queer boys who are in love to find a healthy way to be together.
Thinking of other people while you have sex is kind of a standard fantasy. Doesn't matter if you're bi, etc. So recognize that's not a lack of commitment to you, or at least it shouldn't be.
Frankly, the fantasizing is the least of it. I'd be a lot more concerned about the fact that he sounds asexual with any gender. And you aren't - and that's a recipe for friction and not the nice kind.
I am neither gay nor bi nor male - so if you want to take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, please feel free. But he just sounds to me like he's not into sex at all. Decide if that's a deal breaker for you. It is for a lot of people.
Set this young guy free and tell him to come back when he’s clear on his sexual preference because he clearly doesn’t know. He was only 20 when you hooked up and ambiguous about himself.
Honestly, I'd let him go and I say this from experience.. won't bore ya with the details.. if you wanna know, I have no issues telling you.
He needs to take some time and find out who he truly is and what he wants to be. If you continue to be around him you are only going to cause yourself pain.. and why do that to yourself and poison your soul? There are plenty of men out there in the world you can meet...one that will make you truly happy, and you will make him happy.
You are still quite young and have your whole life ahead of you.. heal from this, find yourself as well.. what do you want and need in a guy?
If you ever wanna chat, I'd be happy to as well
Take care and be good to yourself, yiu deserve it
Years ago I had a bf that told me he was bi after we went out a few times. He wanted me to know he had tried to hide this before from girls and it was not comfortable. I knew that I never wound totally ever have 100% of this guy
. But I was ok with that. We enjoyed a great sex life and at one point point had his bf join us.
Good luck let me know if you need to talk
Dating a bi person can be a challenge to say the least. I am female and dated a bi guy for a while. To be blunt I never had his heart just his body.
You can’t change ppl