Duelling doggerel!

Over here in merry New England
The weather's also been a beast.
Rains are falling, winds are howling,
Horrible, to say the least.

Times the rain's been really heavy,
Other times it's kind of light.
But the wind shakes all the blossoms,
Sends them scudding out of sight.

It's a genuine Nor'easter,
Watch those awful wind gusts blow.
As I sit here and I shiver,
I just think -- well, at least it ain't snow.

But it's cold and kind of dreary,
Not too nice, I greatly fear.
But, then, why be so surprised?
After all, the weekend's here.

Merry's right, today's been cold
Right here in London town
I had to put the heating on
As the temperature went down

I'm wearing woolly sweaters
With thick stockings 'neath my skirt
A scarf thrown gaily round my neck
And warm gloves are a cert

One thing for which I'm grateful
While the weather isn't warm
The grass, it isn't growing
And I needn't mow the lawn

Mowing grass is hard to do
When the sward is wringing wet
And that is why my sprinkler's out
I am a lazy get

No really, when you're weeding
And lots of other stuff
Mowing grass goes by the board
And then the lawn looks rough

I'll have to get a gardener
-There's such a lot to do-
Then it's me for a deckchair in the shade
And a long, cool drink or two

i put a sweater over my head and pull it
down till it touches my ass,
i'm so cold my nipples are like bullets
and i bet they could prob'ly cut glass

This is an uncommonly cold day,
Especially when you realize it's May.
And soon now the winds will howl:
That's what the forecasters say.

This morn when I got dressed
I saw my tweeds were still pressed.
I donned that tweed jacket
Feeling quite deeply depressed.

On top of that we've had showers
That lasted for hours and hours.
This, they say, is Spring?
A long Winter has strange powers.

The cold just won't go away.
It has decided to stay.
And brood and I mope and glower.
I want to go out and play.

If you'd like to play
Just come by our place this very day.
It is cool in the shade but hot in the sun
Morning's the best time to get chores done
While we're weeding and mowing in the cool morning air
Hot air ballons drift 'tween here and there
And in the evening, in the soft summer night
We sit and we talk in the golden moon light
The birds have already chirped themselves to sleep
There isn't a single baby awake to make a wee peep
Then we yawn, go inside, leave the door open a bit
Get in bed, sweet content, it's so lovely to sit
In the night with moon light, true beauty no doubt
Nodding off, ah to dream, then the darn dog wants out.

From insults to deck chairs in the shade
Boiling water, my tea is now made
Though not totally tea, a sweet drink
Follows my ability to clearly think

Long summer days fading fast
Another long winter's blast
Warming of hearts with friends
Before autumn's dance ends

Hi Ohio, good to see ya
If I was closer we could share a beer
Today it has rained and blown with force
But we are still upbeat, of course
The weather world wide is in such a state
You don't need me to tell you, great
Heatwaves here and monsoon there
Wherever you go, please go with care

I daresay we'll still be here next year
And if we are, let's have that beer.

Quite honestly, I'd much prefer a wine
- Relaxing, and with most foods combine -
A Sauvignon from New Zealand or Chile
To sip - and here is something silly -
The weather is too cold to sit outside
Although it is the height of summertide.
Enough! I'm going to move to Spain
Where wine and sun combine to fry the brain.

My life raft I'm tossing away,
I'm off to a new job - so pray
That naught for me gangs far agley -
Even though I am far too tired to make the last smegging line smegging scan which means this is a damn miserable excuse for doggerel, eh?

An adventurous rabbit in Oz,
Shook the dust of the past off her paws.
She dug a new burrow
Plowed a new furrow
And absolutely ruined her poetic career with bad language and unmetrical lines.

I see Noddy's going to the city
Which the song says is dirty 'n' gritty
Gosh this program is shot
Just a few words out I've got
And who said this had to be a limerick anyway

Best of luck with the new job, wabbit
When the old one sucks, got to kick that habit
A change is as good as a rest, they say
(But give me a rest, yes, any old day)
Onwards and upwards, that's the ticket
Tell the old boss where he can stick it
Hope things work out all your way
Bye-bye now, see yah, have a nice day.

McTag is a man with a view
He's a man with a camera, too
Clickety-clicks
He snaps his pics
And posts them on A2
K

Yes I've newly found out, very late
How to post pictures here, and it's great
It's amazing, technology, innit
But at my time of life, to begin it
Takes a bit of accustoming to
Now my grammar has gone all askew

Come on over, we can have that beer
Or share a bottle of wine, my dear
Remember before you call yourself a twit
For not fully knowing how to do it
"A picture paints a thousand words" so they say
But pictures created by words never go away
Given a choice, though a picture amazes me
Words take me away into another world to see

I got a new computer, I picked it up today
And now it's down to me to get
The dratted thing to play
It really should be easy, but I've got a fearful mind
Technology and suchlike things
Have left me well behind
Will it find old A2K? Can I switch it on?
Whoever can I turn to
When all my hope is gone?
Perhaps I'm making problems where none at all exist
If all else fails, I'll turn it off
And go out and get pissed.

Hello!
here is a poem from a children's book I am writing. It is a bit long and metered for true "doggerel" but it is certainly trivial!

The Ballad of the Loch Ness Monster

Children, be warned, - don't go to the loch!
Don't go for a swim, or even to walk.
Something that lives there is waiting below
Down in the deep where the fishies won't go.
Something is waiting to catch you alone
And grind your muscles and sinew and bone.
You'd better believe and give me your ear -
And try not to tremble at what you hear.
There once came a maiden to wash her hair
The next time they looked, she wasn't THERE!
And Gordie, the Mayor, went fishing they say
He fell off his boat and is LOST to this day!
Angus and Agnes just went for a swim
TheY never came back after meeting HIM
Stay out of the water! Stay up on the dock!
Keep far away from the beast in the loch!

If you're six foot tall and handsome and all
And have a few quid stashed away;
And you own lots of shares and very few cares,
And you're up fast and running each day:
If you have some flash wheels and can do fancy spiels
And you cut a fine figure in a bar;
And you're going places with a fist full of aces
And your score is well under par;

Then watch out my man there's some girls on the scam
Who know how to wriggle and scheme
And when you're in their net you can end up in debt
With no shirt,no shoes and no dream.

carlotta--

Welcome to A2k.



To the best of my knowledge, Nessie is female--but I can't seem to document this.