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Depressed: Best friend and ex -cheaters

 
 
Reply Wed 2 Mar, 2005 04:38 pm
I think I'm falling into a depression. This guy and I were seeing each other for a few months and then he hit the big I Love You moment. All through the budding moments of this relationship I confided in my best friend, she knew everything about us, what happened, what I felt. She knew how much I loved and cared for him. Then after the big I Love You moment, it freaked me out how fast things were going and I told him we should slow down. It was somewhere after that that I began noticing that he and her were getting closer and closer to the point where he and her spent more time together than me and him. Eventually she admitted that she was in love with him as well, but promised me that nothing would become of it and that he was in love with me.

Unknowst to me, he and her were already into an intimate relationship and she was.. let's put it this way.. doing "things" that I had never done to him before. He even went as far as to tell his ex-girlfriend that she and him were together and tell everyone at his school that they were together. Through word of mouth, everyone found out before me and no-one wanted to tell me. Even some of my closest friends knew that they were together and noone wanted to take a stand and tell me. Eventually, one of them heard and went against the others and told me. Naturally I was devastated. This ex best friend had told me alot of crap before when I told him before that we should take it slow. She made me feel like I had done the wrong thing by being honest with him. She would tell me horrible things about how I didn't deserve him. After I found out that they were together, they were making out in public everyone at my school to see and they completely were allll over each other at the school dance.
I was more amazed when after hearing what she'd done to me, they all took her side. Everyone deserted me and said that they were "neutral". I couldn't deal with seeing them together or seeing her for that matter so I completely cut her out of my life. And for that matter I cut all the company that chose her over me.

However, that relationship didn't last long. A month after, they broke up cause of his mother and she didn't like her as she wasn't the same ethnicity as him. His mother hated her and when he told her that and why she hated her, they broke up cause she was offended at him and his mother's comments. That was almost 3 months ago. But as of lately, he's been buddying up to me and trying to make attempts to talk to me and basically everytime I've shot him down, by being just polite and cutting the conversation short. However, lately the old group that I was hanging with, has been trashtalking me all over the school and making me a gossip topic. To make it worse, I feel so lonely cause everyone I thought was a new friend turns out to just be another one looking for something more to add to the gossip mill about me. Also, because school is so sucky and I've been so lonely, that I actually miss my ex sometimes.. and I think that sometimes I miss him...
I don't want to be hurt again, and that's the only thing that's keeping me from establishing a relationship with him. I'm afraid he'll hurt me again. But since all this happened I can't do anything right anymore, I've been flunking at school and all I can think about sometimes is my ex...
I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as though I can't do anything right ever since and I can't trust myself or anyone any more.
I don't know what to do to feel like myself again. I used to be topping my class and now I barely make a make a passing grade.
I don't know what to do about my ex, or the lonely situation at school or my self-confidence....
Help please.. I know I have to "deal" with all this and move on.. but I just don't know HOW

English-Rose
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,103 • Replies: 12
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Bekaboo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Mar, 2005 04:56 pm
While i'm all for forgiving drunken exploits, one off kisses and explorations while "we were on a break", your bf repeatedly messed around with your best friend again and again for quite a while, without ever mentioning a word to you. More than one of my friends has started to like sumbody else mid-relationship - but they've at least dumped the current girlfriend first. Not nice, but at least she knows what's going on.

Do you really believe it'd b different a second time around? Or that you'll feel much better? you're just lonely and regretful
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kimber
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Mar, 2005 09:02 am
Don't bother with him. It sounds like you are just feeling this way b/c your lonely. You need to worry about you and not depend on him or these so called friends to make you happy. No one is going to take care of you but you. So depend on the people you know are your friends, and if you are lonely, try to find an outlet, something you enjoy that you can do w/ new people, i.e., a dance class, or a book club. This will only make you stronger. Hang in there.
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Tenoch
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Mar, 2005 02:14 pm
I usually I tell teenagers to not take seriously. You have everything by the book English rose. You sound more mature than your teenage counterparts. Don't worry. These kind of problems feel like life altering ones, but in the end they won't be. Once you graduate you will have the chance to make friends wherever you want. In high school many times you are limited by what enviornment you are put in. Childish gossip won't dissapear, but at least you won't have to be around it if you don't want to.
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Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Mar, 2005 04:10 pm
Stay away from your ex-boyfriend. He treated you like garbage. If he did it once, he will do it again.

You have allowed your rollercoaster emotions to rule your life. It's time for YOU to take the control of your life back into your own hands. Put your nose to the grindstone.

You're in school to learn. You're being graded. Get back on track and take advantage of your educational opportunities. You were on top of your school work before -- you can be on top again.

Be a strong, independent woman. Don't let those immature highschool gossip queens bring you down. You are way better than that. Refuse to be their victim. Soon enough, they will be gossiping about someone else. Leave them in your dust, 'cause you're moving forward!

To thine own self be true. You have an amazing life ahead of you.

Best wishes!!!!
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English-Rose
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Mar, 2005 06:57 am
Wow, you guys, thanks for your amazing words. I just wish that I had read this thread sooner.
See this is the thing guys, me and those ppl take a class at school together, but the class is relatively small, like 7 people and since him and her broke up it's been especially awkward in class.. there are these really awkward silences.. And so in an attempt to make the class easier, one day when he approached me I made some smalltalk.. a little chitchat.. Is that ok? I've made the decision not to let them in my life fulltime like before.. but just for that one period of time that we;re all in that classroom... is that ok? what do you guys think?
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Lady J
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Mar, 2005 11:05 am
English Rose,

Welcome. Smile First let me say that if you can still be polite to this obviously dim witted dirt bag after what he put you through, then you are a much better person than he will ever be. I bit of chit chat in such a small class is almost a given and as long as it stays in that class, I don't think you are doing one darn thing wrong. If he tries to press for more and wants you to try and make it work out with him, just politely let him know that you are too busy for a relationship with him, that you've been there and tried that but you have more important things to concentrate on right now....like school!

As Debra said, become a strong and independent woman and leave that old gossip mongering crowd in the dust. Keep your head up, girlfriend. You've got so much more going on than they do. Smile

Best of luck! We'll be here if you need us. Smile
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Paaskynen
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Mar, 2005 04:05 am
Hello Rose,

I second Lady J. The way you describe it, the guy is a total loser, get rid of him.
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English-Rose
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 10:23 pm
If it were only so easy to forget him u guys lol, a part of me blames myself for all the bad stuff that happened.. a part of me thinks that if I had said I like you back too then this would have never happened and we would have been great.. so in a sense there's this looming regret hanging over my head, the "what could have been's" and in a sense, it's like i can't trust my own self anymore, cause it's like i thought that this was so solid and so right and then it turns out that it wasn't and i feel so stupid that i didn't see what was going on between the two of them sooner..
it's kinda a feeling like.. i felt so right then and it was really wrong.. so what's to say that i ever know what's right anymore...
U know what I mean?
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 18 Mar, 2005 10:41 pm
Why don't you start another thread--perhaps in Science & Mathematics[QUOTE] requesting the whereabouts of the nearest Time Machine?

You won't start that thread because you're not a damn fool. What's done is done, and there's and end on it.

If...if...if...

If "Ifs" and "Ands" were pots and pans,
There'd be no need for tinkers.

You didn't cause his straying or contribute to his straying--he strayed because he wanted to.

Lose him.
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English-Rose
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Mar, 2005 11:58 pm
Wow Noddy24, thanks for putting that into perspective for me.. I appreciate it...
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Mar, 2005 02:49 pm
English Rose--

Thanks for the kind words.
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English-Rose
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Mar, 2005 09:17 am
What would I do without u guys...
So i guess the next step from here is what to do now what my life.. it's the best time to re-invent right?
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