SPORTS JOKES

Don't know any Larry, so I'm just watching because I love jokes ;-)

A joke for Frankapisa
Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling
sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon
as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to
a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first
tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday
morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter
leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit
the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just
short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN
ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did
you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to
tell?"

Then OJ stabbed him, I guess...

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball
game.
They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's into the ball park. The game is
really exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the
Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Finally one of them passes out.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a
lot
of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players
are on base?????




Think!





Think some more!!





You're gonna love it......
Answer:
It's the bottom of the fifth, one out, and the bags are
loaded

José came back to Mexico after a few months working illegally in the States.
His friends ask him:
"How did the gringos treat you?"
"They were very kind"
"No way, José. Other guys say they treat us like crap".
"Not true. They all liked me. One day I went to the baseball stadium. Of course I had no ticket, so I jumped over a fence, and climbed a flagpole in deep center field. Suddenly some music starts to play and all the gringos stand up, they put their hands on their foreheads and look at me, so far away from where the action was to be. Then they ask me, singing all at once: 'José, can you see?'.

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow
employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked
George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he
would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.

On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed
right handed and won the round.

Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be
there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time,
golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few
weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and
then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.



The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask
him what the deal was.



They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six
minutes late.

You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed
or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?



George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.



Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is
sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on
her right side, I golf right handed.''



''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she
is laying on her back?''



George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late.''

Sign seen at a Golf Club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

[b]1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 8. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO. 9. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES. WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF...[/b]