On Communication.....

If I had to go to therapy because of my relationship, it may help to go as a couple. You can go separately. In my opinion I would go as a couple because she is the mediator between the two of you and has to see how you both interact and not just see from one person's point of view.

I am taking a seminar on 10 Great Dates and it's great for me and my girlfriend. On our first date, we were asked questions about how we met, what we did on our first date, first kiss, first everything! It felt great.

You might want to look into something like that or something similar where it involves other married couples.

I believe your husband might be exhausted since it's Monday and just came home from work and a session with the Therapist. He might be verbally, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Good Luck & Take Care.

kitkat...welcome to A2K And thank you for giving us this opportunity to listen and hopefully be of some help to you.

The whole idea as you stated in your post about going to some individual sessions alone with the therapist were to be able to get things off of your chests. Obviously things that you neither feel completely comfortable talking about in front of the other person. That said, when he came home from his session, you should have never asked him anything! Especially not asked him to elaborate on anything they talked about. That was between HIM and the THERAPIST. Period, end of discussion. You will also have your turn with some individual time with the therapist and by the same token, your man should grant you your privacy about what the two of you talk about in session.

As much as you say you were not trying to pry, you were doing just that, I'm sorry to say. A more supportive approach would have been you saying "How did things go?" and when he said , "Fine". JUST drop it. If and when he feels comfortable communicating with you, he will. This was ONLY his first session. And please trust me when I tell you, if he continues to go to sessions on his own and you continue to try not to "pry", but ask him to tell you about it, he WILL eventually stop going because he will feel his own privacy and boundaries are not respected by you.

Be thankful that he is going to therapy at all. He obviously wants to make this work between the two of you. Let him know that you are grateful for that, but don't, don't, don't ask him any questions about HIS time with your therapist.

Keep your lips sealed, give him a kiss and tell him thank you for caring so much about the two of you.....

Exactly, Lady J.

Kitkat, if you are going to hear all about your husband from the therapist, wouldn't you expect him to be informed by the same source? Personally, I wouldn't be able to deal with anyone, especially in that field, who would break a confidence without an awfully good reason.

I'm afraid Lady J is right, but I have to say, I feel your pain. My sig other sometimes does the ole one word thing when I'm trying to communicate about something, however, in this situation, probably best to just express your thanks that he is participating in the therapy but otherwise lay off -- I bet in the end he starts to bring it up and share how the appts are making him feel. Good luck!

Thanks guys, this really helps. I probably did overreact and I know it was his first time ever telling some strange person his problems. I guess I was just hoping he would feel more confident talking to me. This will probably be the one and only time we try separate sessions. I think that once the therapists knows both sides of the story without hearing overlapping and completely different views of one story she will have more to work with.

A one time shot at individual sessions may be all it takes. And maybe not. It's easy to over react when we so badly want to make things right in our relationships and your desire to know how things went was really not unreasonable, just a little ill timed. It took time for the relationship to get to the point of you two deciding some counseling would help and it will also take take to start to see any results from either couples therapy or individual therapy. There may be times when either you or he feel the need to go alone again. And that is perfectly ok and healthy.

Take it all slow and easy and keep in mind, that while the destination you seek is ultimately important, the journey getting there is just as much so.

Good luck to you both!