Reply
Mon 28 Feb, 2005 01:25 pm
ok i started liking this guy about a year ago..and he knew it..he took me to the movies and out to dinner, than after awhile we started to have sex..we hung out like everyday for a few months, then he stopped talkin to me and then after a month or so started again...then we would go back to how it was but be more playful and cuddling and stuff..then he stopped again, i asked him why and he said he doesn't see it or feel it with me..cause i asked him if we were coin to date and he said no because of that..and i was like ok..so we stopped going on "dates" and then he stopped talking to me again,and started a month later and we would have sex and do everything we did before..then he stopped and started again, but this time he would cuddle with me more and kiss me and hug me and be with me and hung out with me more...then i went to LA for a few days for a business thing..and while i was there he called me everyday and when I came back i got back in detroit at like 7am, went to my friend mikes house cause they had a party and were still up i got there and couldn't say hi to anyone else cause he grabbed me and held me and said he missed me and we hung out all night well morning, and that day and we hung out everyday since then..which was jan 27th 2005, then I told him i got him something for valentines day and he took me out to dinner the saturday before then...and we had sex a lot since i got back from la and after wards we would cuddle and fall asleep in each others arms...then valentines day came and i gave him a big hersey kiss with a bunch of lil ones and a card and we hung out for a lil bit that day, then my bday was that wednesday and he said happy bday and then i got an IM from someone saying he was jus using me for sex and he doesn't want any thing to do with me and blah blah and i was pist and told him i don't wanna see him for awhile and then realized he wouldn't say that and we sorta stopped talking for a bit...and he said he needs his space...and said this to me when we were talking about it...."i
think i want to stop like even if i were to to meet someone
in the future i don't wanna have this over my head like i
said i don't want to feel like i'm in a relationship and that
is what its feeling like... not that its bad but everyone i
talked to is always like aren't you going out with michelle
and im like no im not and then that gets hung over my head
so like i said i don't want to feel like that"....the part feeling like hes in a relationship..not that its bad but.." well i don't understand..argg so yeah he wants "space"...he said he felt like he had to comit to hangin out with me, well i knew we weren't in a relationship and he coulda told me no to hangin out but he didn't...but he made it seem like he was gettin feelings for me..but i dunno..he said he still doesn't have feelings for me..i think hes scared to get with me cause we have the same friends and if we broke up we wouldn't talk and it would be weird..but i don't think we would break up..we have a good time together and hardly ever get into a fight..and he isn't over this girl he likes a lot..they never did anything, sex cuddle kiss or anything..he stalked her and yeah everytime he wants space he says hes jus been thinkin a lot..meanin about the other girl..and i think when me and him get close he gets scared that hes doin something wrong, that hes with the other girl and hes not, or hes scared to get in a relationship cause maybe she will come to him..and he would miss that opportunity or soemthing, i dunno..i wish I knew what he meant about space...me him and my friend mike were talkin bout relationships and din stuff with pal when uri not in one, and u fall for them..but cant be with them..cause of age...well my friend said he cant stop hangin out with her and doin stuff cause he really loves her but he should stop and the guys i like said he cant stop doin stuff with me and he said who knows maybe someday we will be together...so that has me thinkin maybe someday...i hate bein confused..well write any comments u want..its a werid situation...have a great day and ill check responses tonight...bye bye!
I started to read this but it was too hard to read without punctuation and proper (or at least decent) grammer. Sorry.,
How about this: lay down the ground rules of the relationship before having sex.
It's probably safe to say that the most confusing people are the ones who are confused (of either gender) -- and he sounds pretty confused.
As DrewDad said, seems like you can just lay it out. Decide what you want, and tell him. Do you want a relationship with him? Say so. Say that if he's not ready for that, fine, but you're not going to hang around while he tries to figure it out.
Good luck.
Your post was difficult to read.
Here's what I got from it: He's in love with someone else, but he hangs out with you on occasion (off and on) because you give him sex.
If anyone asks him if he is dating you, he denies any connection to you whatsoever. He wants to keep his options open.
If someone told you that he was just using you for sex . . . that's probably true. It sure looks that way, doesn't it?
Even if he is nice to you -- hugs you, cuddles you, tells you he misses you, etc. -- he's no dummy. He knows you're not going to give him what he wants if he was truly honest and said, "HEY, I just want sex."
End of story.
Don't allow yourself to be used . . . love and respect yourself!
Best wishes.
sounds like you're just a booty call. He's kind of a snake for doing all the cuddly stuff.
Sounds like he's getting all he wants out of it--sex. He doesn't want more from your description. I'm sure you've come to the same conclusion and are looking to us for affirmation. If you want to stay with him for the sex that's fine as long as you don't delude yourself that it's anything but that. Look for signs that this is wrong. If you don't find any and sex is not what you want , move on. Needing space is classic backing away from a decision.
Yeah sry about the punctuation, im used to talking online and not using it. So if u cant read it cuz of that, Sry. Anyway I do feel like im being used for sex, but we dont always do it when we are alone, like the perfect time we can have sex we dont. its weird. I think you need to understand the situation better, cause thats not all of it. I jus couldnt type everything. a lot has happened since me and him started talkin so yeah. But thanks for everyones replies, its helping me decide what I want. keep up with the replies if u want... thanks!
You admit that you feel like you're being used for sex . . . but not all the time.
You have talked to him, and this is what he told you:
". . . if i were to to meet someone in the future i dont wanna have this over my head like i said i dont want to feel like im in a relationship and that is what its feeling like... not that its bad but everyone i talked to is always like arent you going out with michelle and im like no im not and then that gets hung over my head so like i said i dont want to feel like that"
He tells people he is NOT going out with you. He doesn't want a relationship with you . . . he doesn't want to feel tied to you . . . He wants to keep his options open so he will be free to pursue other women.
That's the situation. I understand it completely.
That online language gets anoying after reading more than three lines.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace